Why does this guy from my past keep contacting me?

[Anonymous]

Fishing. That's what they do. If you are interested then keep him on the line. Otherwise let him go. Guys like that are annoying. They always say women play games but men are the ones who love to play silly games.

Anonymous wrote:I don't get it. Every few months, he will contact me out of the blue, and want to start texting/find out if I'm in the same city/what I'm doing.

FWIW, I have never slept with him, and he's not exactly hurting for female company either, so if this an attempt to get a quick hookup, I think he'd have to be insane.

We kissed once and had a kind of flirtatious relationship before he had to move away, at which point I started dating someone else, but only after he ghosted me and was very non responsive.

I put it behind me and a year later, he contacted me. We texted for a few weeks, with him sending me songs that "reminded me of him", that were pretty romantic.

I found out later he was in a relationship at that time- only later because I searched for his instagram- he had kept his GF completely hidden from his Facebook.

We finally ended up being in the same city a while ago, and he really wanted to meet up. At this point, I kind of consider him a friend, although he's not bad looking and I would be open to something potentially romantic, though that seems very hypothetical given our history. So I told him where I was, out with friends, and we met up and he told me he was going off with his friends to get a drink at the bar. A guy who I had been seeing came up and put his arm around me for a little bit (again, I'm not dating guy 1 or guy 2, so i didn't think this would be a big deal) and I waited for guy 1 to come back, but we had to leave because my friend group was getting restless.

Since then, he's been really non responsive to my texts (not that I've sent him that many)

I gave it up and then the other day he messaged me again. I just don't get it.

What the hell does this guy want from me or what is he after? I'm totally cool with being friends, or if he wanted to think about dating, i would not necessarily be opposed, but I am completely flummoxed and confused as to why he keeps contacting me and then ghosting on me later, seemingly getting angry with me to the point of cutting off contact. Am I insane?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:he's interested in sleeping with you, but you're probably one of many back up girls. and once he does, he will ghost you. then, months later, when he feels horny again, he will text you to see if he can get you in bed again.

The cycle continues until you have had enough.

[Anonymous]

Am I the only one who thinks maybe he really likes you and might just be shy or confused about it?

[Anonymous]

Subject: Why does this guy from my past keep contacting me?

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OP, is it remotely possible that you have a vagina?

If so, that could be the explanation.

[Anonymous]

Wait OP. You supposedly met him for a drink; but while he went to the bathroom or whatever, you were flirting and getting physically close to another man?

Yet, you claim you weren't trying to make Guy 1 jealous?

LOL no wonder he cut off contact.

You blew it with your silly games.

Are you 12?

[Anonymous]

ABC. Always be closing. Look it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'll make this simple: He wants to have sex with you. He's not your friend. Seeing you with the other guy ticked him off, hence the disappearing act.

That's because most women view friend =/= lover.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait OP. You supposedly met him for a drink; but while he went to the bathroom or whatever, you were flirting and getting physically close to another man?

Yet, you claim you weren't trying to make Guy 1 jealous?

LOL no wonder he cut off contact.

You blew it with your silly games.

Are you 12?

I was not "trying to make him jealous". I had hooked up with guy #2 the night before, and we had been together for a bit, though it wasn't serious or exclusive. He came up and put his arm around me, and I couldn't very well push him away (especially because- there was nothing wrong with what I did. I hadn't seen Guy #1 in maybe a year at that point and though we were texting, we weren't dating, exclusive, anything of that nature) I honestly figured Guy #1 was at the bar and he wouldn't see it... but given his frostiness afterwards I wonder if he might have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, as someone who has played this game more than once, I can say with 100% confidence that this guy is NOT your friend. So, forget that idea.

You are a back-up girl, and he gets a self-esteem charge from knowing he can get your attention. That's it. He wants to think you are his. When he's confident of that, he'll ghost you until he senses you are pulling away. Then he'll come back and try to rope you in again. As you get increasingly frustrated, he will increase his attentions because he knows he has to. As soon as you relent, he'll back off again. This is not because he cares about you or because you are meant to be. It's because he needs attention. He may even be a sex or love addict. This is often how they work.

RUN. Run far, far, far away. Cut off contact completely. He's not worth your time.

Thank you for your words, and I definitely considered them. However, I have to say, it doesn't seem to fit in my case as I am kind of aloof (in general) so if it's validation or attention he's looking for, he's definitely not getting it from me.

I've been in your boat and your aloofness fits the narrative.

I concur with PP that the guy might be a love addict. He probably had someone I'm his life who abandoned him and he seeks validation from emotionally aloof people.

[Anonymous]

You're texting him? Then he's a guy from your present, not your past

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, as someone who has played this game more than once, I can say with 100% confidence that this guy is NOT your friend. So, forget that idea.

You are a back-up girl, and he gets a self-esteem charge from knowing he can get your attention. That's it. He wants to think you are his. When he's confident of that, he'll ghost you until he senses you are pulling away. Then he'll come back and try to rope you in again. As you get increasingly frustrated, he will increase his attentions because he knows he has to. As soon as you relent, he'll back off again. This is not because he cares about you or because you are meant to be. It's because he needs attention. He may even be a sex or love addict. This is often how they work.

RUN. Run far, far, far away. Cut off contact completely. He's not worth your time.

Thank you for your words, and I definitely considered them. However, I have to say, it doesn't seem to fit in my case as I am kind of aloof (in general) so if it's validation or attention he's looking for, he's definitely not getting it from me.

You are texting him and going to social events with him. You make think you are being aloof, but he is getting a different message. Further, in not fawning over him (but still being receptive), you present a challenge. Attention that's hard to get is worth more. He's still going to back off again once he's got your attention.

But, you don't have to believe me. I didn't believe people who told me this when it was me either. Maybe we're both people who have to learn the hard way. Good luck. (And I mean that genuinely, not sarcastically.)

This really resonates and I so agree with your advice as another woman who falls into the aloof category.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait OP. You supposedly met him for a drink; but while he went to the bathroom or whatever, you were flirting and getting physically close to another man?

Yet, you claim you weren't trying to make Guy 1 jealous?

LOL no wonder he cut off contact.

You blew it with your silly games.

Are you 12?

I was not "trying to make him jealous". I had hooked up with guy #2 the night before, and we had been together for a bit, though it wasn't serious or exclusive. He came up and put his arm around me, and I couldn't very well push him away (especially because- there was nothing wrong with what I did. I hadn't seen Guy #1 in maybe a year at that point and though we were texting, we weren't dating, exclusive, anything of that nature) I honestly figured Guy #1 was at the bar and he wouldn't see it... but given his frostiness afterwards I wonder if he might have.

You can't be serious. You actually thought he wouldn't see. WTF are you smoking?lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait OP. You supposedly met him for a drink; but while he went to the bathroom or whatever, you were flirting and getting physically close to another man?

Yet, you claim you weren't trying to make Guy 1 jealous?

LOL no wonder he cut off contact.

You blew it with your silly games.

Are you 12?

I was not "trying to make him jealous". I had hooked up with guy #2 the night before, and we had been together for a bit, though it wasn't serious or exclusive. He came up and put his arm around me, and I couldn't very well push him away (especially because- there was nothing wrong with what I did. I hadn't seen Guy #1 in maybe a year at that point and though we were texting, we weren't dating, exclusive, anything of that nature) I honestly figured Guy #1 was at the bar and he wouldn't see it... but given his frostiness afterwards I wonder if he might have.

You can't be serious. You actually thought he wouldn't see. WTF are you smoking?lol

I should explain- the bar is in a separate room.

[Anonymous]

Same venue, my dear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Same venue, my dear.

Well, I did not do it on purpose, as the PP accused. I guess it was stupid, but I was in a tight spot and trying to make the best of it.

We also left (my friend group) shortly after