FI not being supportive - am I doing too much?

[Anonymous]

FI and I just moved into a new home yesterday from an apartment. Through the stress of moving, packing, unpacking, deep cleaning, tiredness, and "missing" my old home, I feel extremely overwhelmed and emotional. I was deep cleaning the new bathroom and FI asked me to get the toothbrush, towels, soap etc. So that he could take a shower. I started crying. Can't really understand why, I just say I'm overwhelmed. FI isn't really making me feel much better. He says it's my fault that I'm overwhelmed right now because I should have started cleaning and unpacking yesterday (I was going to start yesterday but I was so exhausted that I chose to go to bed at 1am). He says he and his guys are the ones that should be overwhelmed, because they are the ones who were lifting and moving boxes and furniture all day yesterday. It is true that I didn't do much lifting and moving of items...I mostly made sure the boxes got to the door, loaded dollies, etc. I am also going to be unpacking boxes and deep cleaning the house. I get that he did "more work" but I don't think that should take away from my emotions. I started crying while my best friend was here, so of course she asked me what was wrong and tried to make me feel better. FI said I made him look bad by crying in front of people, and I need to stop because crying doesn't help the situation and it just makes me move slower. FI basically told me to suck it up and keep moving. Am I overreacting? Am I being irrational?

[Anonymous]

OP here. We are getting married next year and things/events like this make me not want to go through with it. Am I being immature?

[Anonymous]

Why can't he get his own towel,toothbrush, soap........?

[Anonymous]

If you're seeing red flags now, pay attention. Take it from someone who wishes they would have.

[Anonymous]

What in the hell are you crying about so much? It honestly doesn't seem like there's anything to cry about. If I were your fiancé I'd be wondering what kind of emotional basket case I was living with. (And I'm a woman)

[Anonymous]

Here's how I see this situation.

You and your fiance moved into a new home yesterday. You were feeling stressed and overwhelmed. There's no right or wrong to that, you just were.

It seems like your fiance's reaction to your feeling stressed was to get very defensive. To blame you for not doing x, y, and z. And to even find reasons why he deserves to feel victimized and be nurtured by you.

Is this a pattern for him? Because all he really had to do in this situation was give you a hug and tell you "It's okay babe, I'm here for you."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's how I see this situation.

You and your fiance moved into a new home yesterday. You were feeling stressed and overwhelmed. There's no right or wrong to that, you just were.

It seems like your fiance's reaction to your feeling stressed was to get very defensive. To blame you for not doing x, y, and z. And to even find reasons why he deserves to feel victimized and be nurtured by you.

Is this a pattern for him? Because all he really had to do in this situation was give you a hug and tell you "It's okay babe, I'm here for you."

You hit it right on the head. That's really all I wanted. I just needed a hug and he say it would be ok. It would of been fine. It's just the blame, hurtful words, saying I need to "man up" and "get over it" is what has bothered me so much. Yes, this is normal. I tell him he is not emotionally supportive of me, he says he can't because I never do anything right and don't treat him like a king or the man of the house, so he won't treat me like a "queen."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's how I see this situation.

You and your fiance moved into a new home yesterday. You were feeling stressed and overwhelmed. There's no right or wrong to that, you just were.

It seems like your fiance's reaction to your feeling stressed was to get very defensive. To blame you for not doing x, y, and z. And to even find reasons why he deserves to feel victimized and be nurtured by you.

Is this a pattern for him? Because all he really had to do in this situation was give you a hug and tell you "It's okay babe, I'm here for you."

You hit it right on the head. That's really all I wanted. I just needed a hug and he say it would be ok. It would of been fine. It's just the blame, hurtful words, saying I need to "man up" and "get over it" is what has bothered me so much. Yes, this is normal. I tell him he is not emotionally supportive of me, he says he can't because I never do anything right and don't treat him like a king or the man of the house, so he won't treat me like a "queen."

Oh girl, run. Run far far away.

[Anonymous]

He wants to be treated like a king? If my DH said that I'd laugh in his face and tell him he better have the money of a king if he expects that treatment.

Run from this guy, he sounds absolutely miserable to be with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's how I see this situation.

You and your fiance moved into a new home yesterday. You were feeling stressed and overwhelmed. There's no right or wrong to that, you just were.

It seems like your fiance's reaction to your feeling stressed was to get very defensive. To blame you for not doing x, y, and z. And to even find reasons why he deserves to feel victimized and be nurtured by you.

Is this a pattern for him? Because all he really had to do in this situation was give you a hug and tell you "It's okay babe, I'm here for you."

You hit it right on the head. That's really all I wanted. I just needed a hug and he say it would be ok. It would of been fine. It's just the blame, hurtful words, saying I need to "man up" and "get over it" is what has bothered me so much. Yes, this is normal. I tell him he is not emotionally supportive of me, he says he can't because I never do anything right and don't treat him like a king or the man of the house, so he won't treat me like a "queen."

Oh girl, run. Run far far away.

It is true though, PP. I don't do anything right. I can't manage my finances. I'm broke every check. I don't cook or clean as often as a woman should (or for him...the way his mom does it). Our daughter's hair doesn't always look perfect. I sent her to school with a stain on her jeans once (I didn't see the stain but FI did and was very upset). All I want to do is be on my phone according to him (he only says it's an issue when he wants something. When he's on his phone, which is a lot of the time, it's ok). I have a full time job and a part time gig but most times I don't meet our agreed $2000 per month from the part time job to save for our wedding and buying a house...though none of the wedding or house money seems to be coming from him...he has no part time). I don't buy the right groceries. I move too slow. I don't want to watch basketball or investigation discovery with him all the time. I forget things. I take too long in the store.

I don't do anything right for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's how I see this situation.

You and your fiance moved into a new home yesterday. You were feeling stressed and overwhelmed. There's no right or wrong to that, you just were.

It seems like your fiance's reaction to your feeling stressed was to get very defensive. To blame you for not doing x, y, and z. And to even find reasons why he deserves to feel victimized and be nurtured by you.

Is this a pattern for him? Because all he really had to do in this situation was give you a hug and tell you "It's okay babe, I'm here for you."

You hit it right on the head. That's really all I wanted. I just needed a hug and he say it would be ok. It would of been fine. It's just the blame, hurtful words, saying I need to "man up" and "get over it" is what has bothered me so much. Yes, this is normal. I tell him he is not emotionally supportive of me, he says he can't because I never do anything right and don't treat him like a king or the man of the house, so he won't treat me like a "queen."

Oh girl, run. Run far far away.

It is true though, PP. I don't do anything right. I can't manage my finances. I'm broke every check. I don't cook or clean as often as a woman should (or for him...the way his mom does it). Our daughter's hair doesn't always look perfect. I sent her to school with a stain on her jeans once (I didn't see the stain but FI did and was very upset). All I want to do is be on my phone according to him (he only says it's an issue when he wants something. When he's on his phone, which is a lot of the time, it's ok). I have a full time job and a part time gig but most times I don't meet our agreed $2000 per month from the part time job to save for our wedding and buying a house...though none of the wedding or house money seems to be coming from him...he has no part time). I don't buy the right groceries. I move too slow. I don't want to watch basketball or investigation discovery with him all the time. I forget things. I take too long in the store.

I don't do anything right for him.

Okay then why are you with him? Seems like a no brainer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's how I see this situation.

You and your fiance moved into a new home yesterday. You were feeling stressed and overwhelmed. There's no right or wrong to that, you just were.

It seems like your fiance's reaction to your feeling stressed was to get very defensive. To blame you for not doing x, y, and z. And to even find reasons why he deserves to feel victimized and be nurtured by you.

Is this a pattern for him? Because all he really had to do in this situation was give you a hug and tell you "It's okay babe, I'm here for you."

You hit it right on the head. That's really all I wanted. I just needed a hug and he say it would be ok. It would of been fine. It's just the blame, hurtful words, saying I need to "man up" and "get over it" is what has bothered me so much. Yes, this is normal. I tell him he is not emotionally supportive of me, he says he can't because I never do anything right and don't treat him like a king or the man of the house, so he won't treat me like a "queen."

Oh girl, run. Run far far away.

It is true though, PP. I don't do anything right. I can't manage my finances. I'm broke every check. I don't cook or clean as often as a woman should (or for him...the way his mom does it). Our daughter's hair doesn't always look perfect. I sent her to school with a stain on her jeans once (I didn't see the stain but FI did and was very upset). All I want to do is be on my phone according to him (he only says it's an issue when he wants something. When he's on his phone, which is a lot of the time, it's ok). I have a full time job and a part time gig but most times I don't meet our agreed $2000 per month from the part time job to save for our wedding and buying a house...though none of the wedding or house money seems to be coming from him...he has no part time). I don't buy the right groceries. I move too slow. I don't want to watch basketball or investigation discovery with him all the time. I forget things. I take too long in the store.

I don't do anything right for him.

Okay then why are you with him? Seems like a no brainer.

Idk, a hope that he will change? Me telling myself I'll change myself for him. Not having anyone else. Afraid. Our daughter. Embarrassment. I just wanted to know if my concerns were valid or if I was overreacting.

[Anonymous]

Why are you crying about moving in with your fiancé? You sound like a disaster.

[Anonymous]

This is emotional abuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's how I see this situation.

You and your fiance moved into a new home yesterday. You were feeling stressed and overwhelmed. There's no right or wrong to that, you just were.

It seems like your fiance's reaction to your feeling stressed was to get very defensive. To blame you for not doing x, y, and z. And to even find reasons why he deserves to feel victimized and be nurtured by you.

Is this a pattern for him? Because all he really had to do in this situation was give you a hug and tell you "It's okay babe, I'm here for you."

You hit it right on the head. That's really all I wanted. I just needed a hug and he say it would be ok. It would of been fine. It's just the blame, hurtful words, saying I need to "man up" and "get over it" is what has bothered me so much. Yes, this is normal. I tell him he is not emotionally supportive of me, he says he can't because I never do anything right and don't treat him like a king or the man of the house, so he won't treat me like a "queen."

Oh girl, run. Run far far away.

Take this as a red flag.

DH is like this: everything coming from him is a mix of criticism, blame or advice. Very hard to live as friends with such a partner. Address/ fix this or leave. I missed a big red flag because I was blindly in love. When we started living together, we shared an apartment with my friend. She was messy and forgetful because add. She really annoyed him. One day, he came back and found a drain unclogged the day before again blocked. He blamed her, she denied it, so he locked her out of the house at 10 pm and told her not to come back without drano.
I wish I had noticed what a ball of anger he can be, that his punishments are way worse than the crime. Now we have a kid together.