Could 13 yo DD just be discovering she is trans?

[Anonymous]

Our 13 yo 8th grader has been questioning her sexual orientation since mid-last school year. First she was bi. Then earlier this school year she was a lesbian. After attending a pride support group meeting that included several transgender kids, she announced she is trans. This was 10 days ago. Since then, she has gotten her hair cut short, stopped wearing makeup, cleared her closet of any dresses and "girl" clothes, is very put out with us re: our incorrect use of pronouns (we're trying! we said...), etc.

Hub and I were only mildly surprised that she came out as a lesbian, however, we are completely taken aback at the trans identity expression. We've accepted her identity and and have ongoing discussions about it i.e. we didn't "freak out", doubt her, etc.

Is it possible that a girl who wore a skirt, make up and knee high boots to the support group meeting, who never mentioned anything remotely about feeling like a boy as a child, who was very proud of her developing body/breasts at puberty, etc. could be transgender? Or could she be a lesbian who has gotten a little turned around in the process? Serious question. Maybe she doesn't realize she can just be a lesbian who has short hair, wears men's clothing and no makeup?

We want to support her, and we will, but I would love to hear any educated input from this group.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, it's possible. I have an 8th grader and I do think there's a fair amount of "fluidity" to use the term the kids use. Kids naturally try out identities at this age. So, she could be legit trans, but she could also be responding to peer pressure to some degree.

Give her space. Get her counseling if it might help. Give her a safe space at home. It will work itself out in time.

[Anonymous]

Or it is also possible shenis caught up in the latest trends of it being cool to be "trans."

[Anonymous]

I would get her some counseling and sit back and watch. Sounds like she isn't really trans and is just trying to figure out who she is. You sound like a lovely mom.

[Anonymous]

I think it's not likely, but I'd roll with it as long as nothing permanent is done. Hair, clothes, pronouns are fine grounds for experimentation.

[Anonymous]

I think it's a horrible, scary time to be a young woman, and things have actually been sliding backwards since I was young. With more openness to the concept of being trans, I think more young people explore that idea. Does it mean they are? Probably not. There are ways to help young women feel empowered and deal with their very reasonable fears and logical rejection of what it is to be a woman.

[Anonymous]

It's pretty sick that parents don't do their job This is clearly a case of thinking it's "cool". She would be so much happier if you reinforced her true gender.

I have a 24 yo friend that last year started the hormone treatments to convert to male. Even in her case , I believe she has gotten all caught up in a movement that celebrates it instead of going into legit counseling

[Anonymous]

Counseling. Children's Hospital has a group of transgender kids that meets one Tuesday a month. I would imagine the staff there has someone you can meet with for counseling. Bottom floor psychology department. See if you can get pre approved through your insurance. Lots of kids, I was really surprised how many...thought this was rare...it isn't. Parents go to group too... your daughter may or may not be transgender but probably would be helpful to meet others in same boat.

[Anonymous]

Also, those that need hormones..earlier is better.

[Anonymous]

At 14 i went to boarding school and in an effort to try and stand out and be "cool" i gave myself a menickname. Now there was never any doubt i was agirl who was boy crazy, but i was into pink not prep and i wanted to signal that somehow. Flash forward i am happily married to a man with two girly daughters. I now realize i put myself through all that just because i was a confused teenager... my parents may not have been aware but they probably would have been somewhere between supportive embarrased a little and amused...

[Anonymous]

Male nickname, that should say

[Anonymous]

Here's the thing. Being attracted to someone feels so weird, because they've never really done it before. So they're trying to find something that feels "right" and trying different things.

Just go with it and tell her it's fine to figure out what feels right as long as she is protecting herself from STD's and being as honest as she can with anyone she dates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, those that need hormones..earlier is better.

No.

Delay the hormones as long as possible. You are making decisions for your minor child that can very well affect their future fertility years down the road.

The non permanent things are one thing but hormone treatment and surgery on a child for this is just wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's a horrible, scary time to be a young woman, and things have actually been sliding backwards since I was young. With more openness to the concept of being trans, I think more young people explore that idea. Does it mean they are? Probably not. There are ways to help young women feel empowered and deal with their very reasonable fears and logical rejection of what it is to be a woman.

In what world do you live or are you a brainwashed millennial? Really, serious question. I'm 47 years old and things have gotten much better for women in society, work life etc. since I graduated from school and entered adulthood in the Eighties. For everyone, actually.
Turn off MSNBC and get out of your bubble.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, those that need hormones..earlier is better.

No.

Delay the hormones as long as possible. You are making decisions for your minor child that can very well affect their future fertility years down the road.

The non permanent things are one thing but hormone treatment and surgery on a child for this is just wrong.

Actually, the most helpful treatment for youth would be hormone suppressants. By delaying puberty of their birth sex, the child has a better chance of an easier physical transition later, and if the trans notion was actually a phase, then they go off blockers and resume puberty - no harm, no foul.