Could 13 yo DD just be discovering she is trans?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I note also that I previously read 22:22's post wrong. She wasn't arguing brain scans can be used to diagnose being trans, but she was arguing that they can be used to help rule it out. I'm not sure if the science is there yet either, but that is an important distinction I wanted to acknowledge.

22:22 said this: "If you want to prove to your daughter that she is not transgender, you can get her a brain scan which a neurosurgeon will then analyze and tell you that she indeed has a female brain. "

Her argument is incorrect. Brain scans can neither be used to diagnose being trans nor help rule out being trans, since they can not reliably be used to even determine birth sex.

[Anonymous]

True transgenderism is very, very rare.

What we are seeing in society is a fad.

But it is a dangerous fad because it is being supported by medical transition.

That is the part that is not being reported.

Sure, there are people are who victimized and harmed. Yes, those are sad stories.

But don't let them distract from what else is going on.

My kids know MANY others who consider say they are trans. My daughter in college said that 6 kids on her floor of 50 say they are trans. And college clinics will dispense hormones to these kids without parental knowledge or permission.

And yes, they are kids. Their brains do not fully develop until mid 20s. There is no way they should be making irreversible life-altering decisions like this.

That is a story itself. That is what is really concerning.

[Anonymous]

As noted above, it is the non-binary movement calling such folks "trans" that is the cause of much confusion.
http://www.cbsnews.com/news/non-binary-transgender-you-havent-heard-of/

Part the problem in my view is that the non-binary movement has taken what many binary transgender folks view as really a medical issue -- brain and rest of body not matching -- and adopted the language of "gender identification." This opens the Pandora's box -- how one identifies -- as something of a matter of personal reflection rather than biological /mental health imperative. Recall last year the NAACP official who was "white" but long "identified" as black. This is a political social movement that has gotten way out in front on college campuses without any grown ups challenging because our liberal campus "identity politics" welcome this sort of thinking. It is no wonder that it has spilled down into gender. There is a societal /philosophical issue totally ignored here -- to what extent should society be accommodating of the non-binary? Can they alternate between men's and women's rest rooms? How consistently must they adopt their outward approach to gender? These are issues not really raised by binary trans people. But you won't find any college administrators publically asking these questions because to do so is now deemed non-PC; not "progressive."

So while I share some of your concerns, the solution has to be one that is much bigger than simply trying to restrict hormones at colleges (I'm not sure how wide spread the practice is of taking them among non-binary people -- many non-binary and some trans people never physically transition; I doubt there are good stats on this issue yet.) A broader philosophical engagement with colleges and young people is needed.

The brain may keep developing into the 20s, but you'll never change policies by arguing that college students can't make "irreversible life altering decisions like this." Not until we prohibit them from enlisting in the military to go off to Iraq, allow men and women to drink to the point of incognition at frat parties, make it illegal for 18 year olds to engage in unprotected sexual activity, or volunteer to do community service in high violence countries or neighborhood in the U.S. These are all potentially irreversible life altering decisions -- they are potentially life and death decisions - but we allow 18 years olds to make them every day.

[Anonymous]

When I was in middle school I said I was "bi" knowing damn well I didn't like guys but my thinking was "Well if I'm bi, I'm half straight, which means I'm half "normal"". *Note I was already being bullied at this point and didn't go to a very open school.* Fast forward to high school and I finally came out as a lesbian, because I was no longer afraid to say "Hey I like girls. If you don't like it then I don't care." But I was still dressing the way society and my mother told me how to dress. Fast forward to college and adulthood I feel like I'm finally being who I am and like. I'm wearing clothes I actually WANT to wear (guy clothes mostly) I personally identify as genderqueer and this is literally the happiest I've ever been. Sounds to me that your child might just be going through the stages of fully accepting themselves. The best thing you can do right now is send encourage them and send them to an experience therapist that they can talk to about it.

[Anonymous]

Most kids as they enter the puberty years are confused about a lot of things. Their body changes, and sexuality are among those things. We all went through that.

What's sad is the added pressure of the groups pressuring kids to figure out their gender identity and sexual orientation at that age. They are just confusing kids more than they already are. Just let the kids pause, and give themselves time to figure things out before declaring anything yet, they are still working it out.

Studies show that most kids with true gender dysphoria don't become transgender adults, if left alone their gender dysphoria goes away by late adolescence to early adulthood. If you think about it, that makes sense. Puberty is a confusing time, and it takes time to adjust to their sexuality and relationships.

As a parent, I think the best advice is what parents did when I was a kid. They weren't allowed to date, etc until 15, 16. It gives the child time to work through the awkward years.

Even though transgender kids are better off the earlier they are on hormones, how do you know your child is going to go on and become a transgender adult? Persistence is not very predictable. And hormones, as a side effect, permanently sterilize a person. It's irreversible. I would be VERY cautious before allowing a child to start something that has permanent effects. Do they really know at that age that they will never want kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most kids as they enter the puberty years are confused about a lot of things. Their body changes, and sexuality are among those things. We all went through that.

What's sad is the added pressure of the groups pressuring kids to figure out their gender identity and sexual orientation at that age. They are just confusing kids more than they already are. Just let the kids pause, and give themselves time to figure things out before declaring anything yet, they are still working it out.

Studies show that most kids with true gender dysphoria don't become transgender adults, if left alone their gender dysphoria goes away by late adolescence to early adulthood. If you think about it, that makes sense. Puberty is a confusing time, and it takes time to adjust to their sexuality and relationships.

As a parent, I think the best advice is what parents did when I was a kid. They weren't allowed to date, etc until 15, 16. It gives the child time to work through the awkward years.

Even though transgender kids are better off the earlier they are on hormones, how do you know your child is going to go on and become a transgender adult? Persistence is not very predictable. And hormones, as a side effect, permanently sterilize a person. It's irreversible. I would be VERY cautious before allowing a child to start something that has permanent effects. Do they really know at that age that they will never want kids?

This post makes very good points. Unfortunately the gender-affirming approach to therapy is increasingly the only acceptable method (if the kid says they're trans, they are- any exploration of other things that may be contributing to their feelings is off limits). This is saddening, to understate it, because many children who would have gone on to be comfortable with their sex are now being but on a combination of medicines that will lead to lifelong sterility. When you add to the fact that many of the kids who would have historically desisted would turn out to be gay or lesbian, you have concerns about medical transition being "gay conversion therapy."

There's a documentary by the BBC called "Transgender Kids: Who Knows Best?" that goes into great detail about all aspects of transgender identity in kids. Both sides of the debate are presented- those wholly in favor of childhood transition and those who advocate a cautious approach to childhood gender identity issues. Among the featured subjects is a psychologist who lost his job because he didn't jump immediately to transition with his child patients. Also featured are kids who identify/identified as transgender- those who've desisted and those who still identify as such.

It was scheduled to air in the US as well, but trans activists were upset that the cautious approach got airtime, and so after many complaints it was pulled until an undecided date. It can be viewed here, though: https://archive.org/details/BBC-trans-kids

[Anonymous]

If your teen suddenly announces s/he is transgender, read this:
https://4thwavenow.com/2016/12/17/a-mums-voyage-through-transtopia-helps-her-daughter-desist/

Chances are they are not trans no matter what the media and trans actiivist groups tell you.