Depressed. Should have married ex boyfriend

[Anonymous]

41, unemployed, now living with aging parents.

Should have married my ex boyfriend when he wanted to marry me. I dragged things out undecided and he decided he no longer wanted to marry me and dumped me.

It's been a year. I miss him. I'm so mad at myself. His life is going great - just bought a new house, great job, I'm sure he'll get into another relationship no problem. Me, not so much.

I tried to call a couple 24 hour hotlines but they are busy. Sobbing on my couch. So much wrong in my
Life right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:41, unemployed, now living with aging parents.

Should have married my ex boyfriend when he wanted to marry me. I dragged things out undecided and he decided he no longer wanted to marry me and dumped me.

It's been a year. I miss him. I'm so mad at myself. His life is going great - just bought a new house, great job, I'm sure he'll get into another relationship no problem. Me, not so much.

I tried to call a couple 24 hour hotlines but they are busy. Sobbing on my couch. So much wrong in my
Life right now.

Have you seen him lately or is this all second hand info? If things were so serious then, and he's not in a relationship now, there still might be a chance. Maybe you could do a casual friendly lunch to "catch up," and see if he might have any interest in more.

[Anonymous]

Things happen for a reason. I'm sure there was a reason you weren't jumping at the chance to marry him when that option was on the table. Don't second guess yourself now!
I'm sorry things are so rough for you now, I hope they improve soon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:41, unemployed, now living with aging parents.

Should have married my ex boyfriend when he wanted to marry me. I dragged things out undecided and he decided he no longer wanted to marry me and dumped me.

It's been a year. I miss him. I'm so mad at myself. His life is going great - just bought a new house, great job, I'm sure he'll get into another relationship no problem. Me, not so much.

I tried to call a couple 24 hour hotlines but they are busy. Sobbing on my couch. So much wrong in my
Life right now.

Have you seen him lately or is this all second hand info? If things were so serious then, and he's not in a relationship now, there still might be a chance. Maybe you could do a casual friendly lunch to "catch up," and see if he might have any interest in more.

We just talked. He doesn't want to get back together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Things happen for a reason. I'm sure there was a reason you weren't jumping at the chance to marry him when that option was on the table. Don't second guess yourself now!
I'm sorry things are so rough for you now, I hope they improve soon.

He could be irritable and moody and a lot of times not really pay attention to me when I was trying to talk with him. More focused on blackberry and work.

His moods were unpredictable. He's been diagnosed with add and depression and takes adderall so was maybe that. But I also wonder if I hadn't stalled, if the fact I wasn't sure I was ready to commit to him, made him distance himself and be more moody.

[Anonymous]

Sooo umm, what happened to all the money you made while working?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sooo umm, what happened to all the money you made while working?

What do you mean? Not sure what you are getting at?

I'm not destitute. I have about 800k in savings. But that's not enough to live off of for the rest of my life - I have to find a job. But I am kind of stuck dealing with family stuff right now. I wouldn't have to be but.....

[Anonymous]

What I mean is it wouldn't be a disaster if I left my parents house and went back to where I used to be (DC). Not sure I can get an apartment with no job tho. But there are things going on here with my parents that make me feel somewhat obligated to stick around and deal with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sooo umm, what happened to all the money you made while working?

What do you mean? Not sure what you are getting at?

I'm not destitute. I have about 800k in savings. But that's not enough to live off of for the rest of my life - I have to find a job. But I am kind of stuck dealing with family stuff right now. I wouldn't have to be but.....

If you have that much in savings why are you mooning over the fact that he bought his own house and you live with your parents? You could buy your own place wherever you wanted (its just you) and enjoy your life. Of course I wouldn't do that while I was laid off, but I mean...you seem to be making a mountain out of a molehill.

Aging parents are aging parents, get them the medical care and assisted living they need and move on.

[Anonymous]

Well whatever you do please once he's in a new relationship, leave him alone. I left my ex boyfriend and he's popped up once a year or so for the last ten. I moved on ages ago.

[Anonymous]

Sorry op

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Things happen for a reason. I'm sure there was a reason you weren't jumping at the chance to marry him when that option was on the table. Don't second guess yourself now!
I'm sorry things are so rough for you now, I hope they improve soon.

He could be irritable and moody and a lot of times not really pay attention to me when I was trying to talk with him. More focused on blackberry and work.

His moods were unpredictable. He's been diagnosed with add and depression and takes adderall so was maybe that. But I also wonder if I hadn't stalled, if the fact I wasn't sure I was ready to commit to him, made him distance himself and be more moody.

OP, I imagine you are rewriting history, which is a natural thing after a break-up, particularly when things aren't going as well for you as you had hoped.
If it had been right, you would've married him. If you had married him, you wouldn't be happy. What you describe are serious issues and very valid reasons not to marry someone. You are idealizing him and the relationship now because a) you have a year of distance from it and b) we tend to remember only the good things and c) you are in a low point in your life.

The antidote isn't getting back with this guy - far from it. You have the right to want better for yourself. But you need to put all of your focus on building yourself up again, and building the life you want. Focus on healing, not on this guy's new house, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Things happen for a reason. I'm sure there was a reason you weren't jumping at the chance to marry him when that option was on the table. Don't second guess yourself now!
I'm sorry things are so rough for you now, I hope they improve soon.

He could be irritable and moody and a lot of times not really pay attention to me when I was trying to talk with him. More focused on blackberry and work.

His moods were unpredictable. He's been diagnosed with add and depression and takes adderall so was maybe that. But I also wonder if I hadn't stalled, if the fact I wasn't sure I was ready to commit to him, made him distance himself and be more moody.

OP, I imagine you are rewriting history, which is a natural thing after a break-up, particularly when things aren't going as well for you as you had hoped.
If it had been right, you would've married him. If you had married him, you wouldn't be happy. What you describe are serious issues and very valid reasons not to marry someone. You are idealizing him and the relationship now because a) you have a year of distance from it and b) we tend to remember only the good things and c) you are in a low point in your life.

The antidote isn't getting back with this guy - far from it. You have the right to want better for yourself. But you need to put all of your focus on building yourself up again, and building the life you want. Focus on healing, not on this guy's new house, etc.

Very true!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:41, unemployed, now living with aging parents.

Should have married my ex boyfriend when he wanted to marry me. I dragged things out undecided and he decided he no longer wanted to marry me and dumped me.

It's been a year. I miss him. I'm so mad at myself. His life is going great - just bought a new house, great job, I'm sure he'll get into another relationship no problem. Me, not so much.

I tried to call a couple 24 hour hotlines but they are busy. Sobbing on my couch. So much wrong in my
Life right now.

OP, make a vision board.

[Anonymous]

New house+good job doesn't mean someone's life is necessarily going great.

It especially doesn't mean these are the top qualifiers when considering marriage propspect.