Advice for late 20s woman- stick through or move on

[Anonymous]

So quick deets:

Late 20s womAn got involved with early 30s man from Match.com. Fit a lot of my criteria early on: God fearing, educated, into family, same culture. We started dating in Jan and spoke about marriage very early. Met my parents too.

Fast forward to now: realize he's controlling, Not that affectionate, not flexible on many things, and is not at the point of wanting to get married. He's also having employment issues due to citizenship status.

I feel deep down we aren't that compatible, but Am scared of dating around too much...I just want to settle down for good.

[Anonymous]

Move on quickly! Do not marry this man, you will be miserable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel deep down we aren't that compatible

Trust your gut! It is telling you that this is not the one. If you settle down prematurely, it will not be for good.

[Anonymous]

This is the OP. Thank u for the feedback. Deep down it doesn't feel that right. I am fearful cause we have slept together so that is another body on my list.

I'm 27, but I realize it's getting harder as the years go by. Any ideas on how to strategically date and court for marriage. I DONT want to be mid 30s and single....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is the OP. Thank u for the feedback. Deep down it doesn't feel that right. I am fearful cause we have slept together so that is another body on my list.

I'm 27, but I realize it's getting harder as the years go by. Any ideas on how to strategically date and court for marriage. I DONT want to be mid 30s and single....

From someone who did it to herself (I was 24 btw, but wanted to get married and have a child by 30). 10 years in and I am miserable. I can't leave now because I have a child, but I so so wish I had more "bodies" on my list that would result in a loving fun husband . Leave. Don't get stuck on the culture too. We are from the same culture, but we are SO different.

[Anonymous]

There's nothing wrong with being mid-30s and single. I married younger than you are now, but I just happened to find the right one earlier in life. In the long run, it's better to be happily married at age 38, than divorced by 30 because you chose wrongly out of fear of loneliness.

I think you've got the right idea in using Match.com, and it sounds like you're open to giving people a chance. That's good, but there's also value in cutting bait early. Everyday you're in a relationship that doesn't feel right, is one less day you have to search for the right person.

[Anonymous]

Go. Now! Warning. Warning. Red flag.

Anonymous wrote:So quick deets:

Late 20s womAn got involved with early 30s man from Match.com. Fit a lot of my criteria early on: God fearing, educated, into family, same culture. We started dating in Jan and spoke about marriage very early. Met my parents too.

Fast forward to now: realize he's controlling, Not that affectionate, not flexible on many things, and is not at the point of wanting to get married. He's also having employment issues due to citizenship status.

I feel deep down we aren't that compatible, but Am scared of dating around too much...I just want to settle down for good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is the OP. Thank u for the feedback. Deep down it doesn't feel that right. I am fearful cause we have slept together so that is another body on my list.

I'm 27, but I realize it's getting harder as the years go by. Any ideas on how to strategically date and court for marriage. I DONT want to be mid 30s and single....

My advice for finding love? Don't have a "type."
I never would have imagined I'd marry an Indian man and yet I have.
Stretch your idea of who could be your mate. Focus your list on qualities of character and chemistry: takes good care of me, makes me laugh, respects my opinion, have fun together, create intimacy together.
Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Trust your gut. When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

[Anonymous]

Move on...Jesus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So quick deets:

Late 20s womAn got involved with early 30s man from Match.com. Fit a lot of my criteria early on: God fearing, educated, into family, same culture. We started dating in Jan and spoke about marriage very early. Met my parents too.

Fast forward to now: realize he's controlling, Not that affectionate, not flexible on many things, and is not at the point of wanting to get married. He's also having employment issues due to citizenship status.

I feel deep down we aren't that compatible, but Am scared of dating around too much...I just want to settle down for good.

You know we are all going to say move on. This is a no-brainer. This does not get better. If he is like the BEFORE marriage ... imagine after. DO NOT MARRY HIM. Or suffer the consequences.
I think you need to quietly break up, move away, and never see him again. You'll love dating. You are still young.

[Anonymous]

34 single female,I have no issues dating and I refuse to settle. I'm not so desperate for marriage that I will marry someone that makes me miserable. I plan to marry only one time in my life so I have to make the best possible decision. In the meantime I'll keep dating, vetting and enjoying the single life. Op take your time and find the best man for you. It's not a race. This is a decision for a long-term commitment. Remember the divorce rate is out of control! Check out the Dcum marriages horror stories.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:34 single female,I have no issues dating and I refuse to settle. I'm not so desperate for marriage that I will marry someone that makes me miserable. I plan to marry only one time in my life so I have to make the best possible decision. In the meantime I'll keep dating, vetting and enjoying the single life. Op take your time and find the best man for you. It's not a race. This is a decision for a long-term commitment. Remember the divorce rate is out of control! Check out the Dcum marriages horror stories.

Except no man is perfect so you'll never find a perfect man. If you're 34 and haven't found someone then you'll probably never marry.

[Anonymous]

Believe me, I judge older women who have obviously settled much more than I judge an older woman who has her shit together and refuses to settle. No offense by use of he word older, I just mean someone who didn't run off and get married right after college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So quick deets:

Late 20s womAn got involved with early 30s man from Match.com. Fit a lot of my criteria early on: God fearing, educated, into family, same culture. We started dating in Jan and spoke about marriage very early. Met my parents too.

Fast forward to now: realize he's controlling, Not that affectionate, not flexible on many things, and is not at the point of wanting to get married. He's also having employment issues due to citizenship status.

I feel deep down we aren't that compatible, but Am scared of dating around too much...I just want to settle down for good.

OP-you missed some big red flags. Talking about marriage "very early" is a big one. I'll bet my paycheck that he gave off signals that he was controlling and inflexible early on. But when you're fearful that you'll end up in your 30s and not married, you start to overlook these things. If you start from a place of confidence and look for things beyond whether he's educated or from the same culture, then you can catch these things. Now it's December and you're trying to get out of this.

Move on and stop worrying about whether you'll be married 8 years from now. That just makes you desperate and fearful. People rarely make their best decisions when they're in that state of mind. Hold your expectations high for how someone treats you.