Weight Loss and sex

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure this is the right forum for this. Please move if not.
I've recently lost a lot of weight. I still have A LOT of weight to lose. More than 150 lbs. I've been working really hard to lose it. I work out 6 days a week for 1.5- 2 hrs a night. My long time boyfriend says he's happy if I'm happy. He no longer has sex with me. He says it's because he's busy or tired. At my heaviest we had sex nearly every day. He would walk past me smack my butt. He was always very affectionate. We have had sex once in two months. I'm not sure what to do. I don't want to break up.

[Anonymous]

Oh, and before anyone asks he's not insecure about his body. He's very tall, and fit.

[Anonymous]

I have offered. He says no thanks. He has NEVER turned me down. It's affecting my self esteem.

[Anonymous]

He maybe more attracted to you as a heavy woman. It is what it is.

[Anonymous]

maybe he was more attracted to you when you were heavier. maybe that's his thing.

[Anonymous]

We have been together for a very long time. He should be more concerned with what's inside.

[Anonymous]

Are you sure this is the reason? Is he more stressed at work? Traveling more? Have you talked about getting pregnant or having kids and that could be making him uncomfortable? Recently moved? Any health issues, ages? Could his testosterone be going down? Is it possible you're more self conscious of your body now that you're working on it, and that vibe is turning him off?

I've lost 150 lbs and no changes to sex life (frequency). Sex is better and easier, but no changes in DH's desire. Heads up, my body after weight loss, while lighter, isn't particularly more attractive naked. Looks better in clothes but the loose skin and belly issues can make more strange noises and generally make me uncomfortable during sex... just a warning.

[Anonymous]

If you're working out 2 hours a day, is it possible that by the time you're available for sex, it is later at night? Or has it thrown your schedule off to where the times you usually had sex, you're busy between exercise, meal prep, more laundry, etc?

[Anonymous]

Have you asked him? Might be hard for him to say he was more attracted to you when you were heavier because he fears hurting you. Or it could be a totally different issue like he's stressed out about something. I always find it's better to be direct. Right now you're hurting anyway and nothing is improving. Better to know what the problem is so you can tackle it rather than build up resentment based on assumptions.

[Anonymous]

^^pp again: I realize you've had some discussion and he said he's tired. But it seems like you need a real heart to heart with him where you explain how this is affecting the relationship and how important it is that he be honest with you.

[Anonymous]

Hey, just like some of us find that when our partner puts on a significant amount of weight we aren't attracted, it works the other way around too. And you've lost a lot.

Yes, people are shallow. We are what we are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you sure this is the reason? Is he more stressed at work? Traveling more? Have you talked about getting pregnant or having kids and that could be making him uncomfortable? Recently moved? Any health issues, ages? Could his testosterone be going down? Is it possible you're more self conscious of your body now that you're working on it, and that vibe is turning him off?

I've lost 150 lbs and no changes to sex life (frequency). Sex is better and easier, but no changes in DH's desire. Heads up, my body after weight loss, while lighter, isn't particularly more attractive naked. Looks better in clothes but the loose skin and belly issues can make more strange noises and generally make me uncomfortable during sex... just a warning.

We have recently had the kid talk ( he initiated it). It could be testosterone. I am a bit sensitive. He's older than me. I'm in my late 20s he's in his 40s. I have become very insecure about my body. Maybe I discuss it more than I realize. The skin makes me very upset. It's funny when I was nearly 100lbs heavier I was completely happy with how my body looked. Now I just feel gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you're working out 2 hours a day, is it possible that by the time you're available for sex, it is later at night? Or has it thrown your schedule off to where the times you usually had sex, you're busy between exercise, meal prep, more laundry, etc?

We don't live together at the moment. When we do see eachother I switch the time I work out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hey, just like some of us find that when our partner puts on a significant amount of weight we aren't attracted, it works the other way around too. And you've lost a lot.

Yes, people are shallow. We are what we are.

I get that, but as someone who loves me he should be happy for me. I worked really hard to lose this weight and I'm still trying. As it is my friends are not n supportive. They are constantly teasing that I'm skinny. Maybe it's making me more sensitive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:maybe he was more attracted to you when you were heavier. maybe that's his thing.

This is my thought.