My daughter thinks she's good at a sport but she's not

[Anonymous]

How do I get her to realize she's horrible and can't play in college? She had college admissions recruiters come to the school and you know they shameless say everything you want to hear. Well they told her she should walk on at their tiny private college. These are those tiny overpriced non-selective places nobody has ever heard of.

How do I get her to wake up?

[Anonymous]

You can't tell her. She won't believe you anyway. Tell her how much you're planning to give per year or whatever the parameters are for where she can apply and let her try out for whatever team at whatever school she winds up at.

She's NOT going to believe you. If you tell her she can't try, she will simply believe for the rest of her life she was awesome but her mother wouldn't let her realize her dreams.

[Anonymous]

What school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can't tell her. She won't believe you anyway. Tell her how much you're planning to give per year or whatever the parameters are for where she can apply and let her try out for whatever team at whatever school she winds up at.

She's NOT going to believe you. If you tell her she can't try, she will simply believe for the rest of her life she was awesome but her mother wouldn't let her realize her dreams.

This.

You can play a sport at the college level; it just may not be one that's highly competitive in the rankings or give you a scholarship.

You can get a good education at a college that "no one has heard of." She can be a mediocre/awful soccer/lacrosse/field hockey/soft ball/tennis player and still get a good education. If she loves a sport, it will help her find her niche.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can't tell her. She won't believe you anyway. Tell her how much you're planning to give per year or whatever the parameters are for where she can apply and let her try out for whatever team at whatever school she winds up at.

She's NOT going to believe you. If you tell her she can't try, she will simply believe for the rest of her life she was awesome but her mother wouldn't let her realize her dreams.

Unless they're up big, she rides the bench on her high school team...

[Anonymous]

Maybe you need to wake up, OP.

Small colleges need athletes too. Your daughter may play well enough for them. She doesn't need to be an elite athlete.

I have no idea what your definition of an overpriced college no one has heard of is, but I think I went to one. I went on to an Ivy League law school and a law firm partnership.

Please open your eyes. And even if your daughter is horrible, why would you get off on convincing her of that fact?

[Anonymous]

Pick up the book Excellent Sheep by William Deresiewicz. It makes a very good case for the excellent education at the very colleges you are dismissing. Now if you can't afford it, I get that. But there is a lot to be said for being a big fish in a small pond. Division III sports are a great way for kids who have a passion to play to continue to play while focusing on their education. Also, I recently heard from a friend that both her kids got over $20K in merit aid at a mid-western liberal arts schools (with help from coaches who wanted them as athletes). Your mention of "walking on" suggests she's still looking at D1 schools. I'd guider her toward DIII.

[Anonymous]

Please don't tell her that she's not good at anything. Just remain silent about her ability and encourage her to look at a wide range of schools. The schools will select (or not) her.

[Anonymous]

I used to coach youth sports. ES and MS level. Your letter reminds me of one girl I coached. She would hustle, she played great. Not all-star great, but was a positive element on the team. When her mom would be there, the mom would berate her for anything that went wrong, including things I told her to do.

The net result was when her mom was there, she tensed up. She did not play well. When her mom missed the game, she was good. She made decent contact with the ball and was a solid defender. Her mom saw her as no good. She quit the sport. I tried to talk to her (kid), but her mom would not let me. I had my daughter talk to her at school. Girl was tired of the criticism.

[Anonymous]

Your post is all over the place and hard to understand. Are you talking Division II or III? Why are coaches contacting her and telling her to come to their school unless they want her on their team? Girls don't have to be almost pros to be good at a sport in college, thanks title IX. Coaches don't look just for superb skills, they look at the kid, they need somebody who is a nice kid, team player, who they can work with for a whole 4 years with day in and day out. They might see more than you do, perseverance and effort, which you might not see, if you are only result oriented. Maybe she is tall and they can work with that if that is needed? Most important, you need to make sure your DD knows what she wants to study and then find a college that is a good fit for her, and then look at the sport. Being on a sport team can be very useful for college, rather than showing up a total new kid who knows nobody, you immediately have teammates/friends and it makes is easier to fit in. Given all this, you need to tell her what your budget is and she has to stick to that. My DS who can play division I, is choosing to go D III so that he can concentrate on studying and not be an underdog on the team, but a bigger fish. No coach will come and tell you to play for them unless they see something in her, not even bad DII or III. Keep in mind that some DII and DIII schools might have better teams than low D I. Good luck to your DD. Please be supportive of her, unless she is falling every fifth step over her own feet.

[Anonymous]

You sound horrible. I played in the school band all the way through high school and even a few years in college. I sucked and knew it but I enjoyed music and being a part of an ensemble. Where is the enjoyment factor here? Other lessons kids learn in sports? You need to detach your discussion of what you are able to afford for college from her ability to play her sport. That's her call.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do I get her to realize she's horrible and can't play in college? She had college admissions recruiters come to the school and you know they shameless say everything you want to hear. Well they told her she should walk on at their tiny private college. These are those tiny overpriced non-selective places nobody has ever heard of.

How do I get her to wake up?

This is so sad to read. Why would you knock your DD down? You mean you only play sports if you are playing professionally and getting paid? What is wrong with just getting exercise and having fun? If you do tell her she is 'horrible' and can't play in college be prepared to doom your relationship. What a horrible thing to say and do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can't tell her. She won't believe you anyway. Tell her how much you're planning to give per year or whatever the parameters are for where she can apply and let her try out for whatever team at whatever school she winds up at.

She's NOT going to believe you. If you tell her she can't try, she will simply believe for the rest of her life she was awesome but her mother wouldn't let her realize her dreams.

This.

You can play a sport at the college level; it just may not be one that's highly competitive in the rankings or give you a scholarship.

You can get a good education at a college that "no one has heard of." She can be a mediocre/awful soccer/lacrosse/field hockey/soft ball/tennis player and still get a good education. If she loves a sport, it will help her find her niche.

Both of these. She might have fun at the sport in college, not go anywhere else with it, and get a scholarship. As long as she works hard at her college classes and picks a good major, what's the problem?

[Anonymous]

OP - - you can say, "NO", without insulting your daughter.

The school should be a good academic fit AND a good financial fit. I get that. It's fair. But you're not communicating well. You come off as an @ss.

You are right that some schools will use all tactics available to be appealing - directly to the student, and it can be hard for the parent to say, "no, you can't apply"

[Anonymous]

At D3 schools everyone makes the team and practices with the team. Not everyone gets to play games, but everyone makes the team.