Need help with friends we like whose daughter is a brat
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Anonymous
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While on a cruise several years ago, we met a couple who were a lot of fun. Our youngest daughter, now 12, got along well with their daughter. We don't live too far apart, so we've become friends. (They've stayed in our home and vice versa.)
Over time, we started to realize that their daughter is not a good friend to our daughter. She says things that are not nice and is physical with our daughter. It's all couched in play, but it goes beyond what we see as acceptable. We've tried to raise this to the parents and they are tone-deaf to any criticism of their child. It's become clear that the child gets whatever she wants, with very little in the way of limits. For example, when both families were at a resort, the child asked for ice cream and got a large ice cream sundae. She ate about 1/4 of it and the rest was thrown away. At our home, she has eaten in areas where we do not eat and generally helped herself to whatever she wants. Of course, much of it is later thrown away. We've tried to bring up the subject and as I noted before, the parents seem tone deaf to any possibility that any of this is true. If we raise something, they generally ask the daughter, she denies and they believe her. That makes the situation even worse for our daughter afterwards. We were at dinner with this family and one other this past weekend. At the dinner table, the child was generally rude and was physical with our child, to the extent that the child knocked our child's glasses off her face. We didn't see it, but teenagers who are part of the third family saw it and confirmed. We don't want to lose the parents as friends, but this can't go on. We must protect our child. Anyone have any creative solutions to get through to them? |
Anonymous
| Get together without the girls. An adult night. NBD. Say your daughter has other plans when you make plans with them. From your post, the girls are at least 14, and thus don't need to even have a sitter yo stay home on their own. |
Anonymous
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PP, you must be able to read minds. We made plans with the parents for New Year's before we heard about this. We plan to have DD spend the night at Grandma's.
BTW, both are 12 yrs old. |
Anonymous
| 12 is way past the age where physical play would be okay with me. Just stop seeing them as a family. |
Anonymous
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I totally agree about adults only get togethers, but can you also say something to their daughter directly right when it happens? We've done this and it seems to work better - not a he-said/she-said situation.
Next time they do something to your daughter you tell their dd "what you just did is unacceptable. I will not tolerate it in my home or done to suzy." Her parent's don't have to be around. If she denies it, you tell her you know she did it. You saw it. Then, you can have your daughter hang out in her room or somewhere else and tell their daughter that room is off limits to her because she can't behave herself. |
Anonymous
| No more family time, easy peasy |
Anonymous
| Any suggestion for me whose DD is a brat? With major attitude? I've raised her the same as my DS who is a joy to be around and somehow failed completely with her. We went to friend's for Thanksgiving who have a bit younger DD. When they were both younger they got along great, now my DD talks to air, avoids eye contact and is a serious brat to be around even at home. I read "yes, your teen is crazy" and don't let it bother me at home and I correct her all the time, but without losing my temper. Then she gets mad that she can't get me angry! I correct her even at friend's house, and she gets a bit better. She is not a brat with her friends but really bratty in some situations and even once to her pediatrician. Any advice? |
Anonymous
| A similar situation happened to me and it pretty much caused our friendship to breakdown. I didn't approve of her daughter's behavior and thought it would undermine values I wanted instill in my own daughter. |
Anonymous
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If you don't think this kid is nice to your kid, I get that.
But not finishing her ice cream? Eating in areas of your house you don't eat in? Helping herself unduly? Rough-housing so that your daughter's glasses were knocked off? It strikes me that you are picking on this kid. Why? |
Anonymous
Not op, but wouldn't this bother you? I don't think it's normal for 12 year old girls to roughhouse like that. Not from what I remember anyway (my own kids are not at that age yet). |
Anonymous
Don't name-call your child - or any child - a brat. It's a horrible term. |
Anonymous
It takes two to roughhouse, and most tweens enjoy it. I certainly wouldn't blame one kid over another. And getting glasses knocked off is hardly dangerous. Did someone end up at the emergency room? It sounds like OP is looking for reasons to be peeved at this kid's behavior. |
Anonymous
Stop expecting major holidays to be easy. Stop expecting 100% good behavior. Stop comparing your kids. Get a sense of humor. |
Anonymous
And, stop correcting her all the time. Jeezo pete!!! |
Anonymous
PP, I gave those examples to provide some detail so that I'd get better answers. Since you asked, I'll try to answer your questions. Ice cream - demonstrates that the child is spoiled Eating in our house - demonstrates that the child is not good with rules (yes, rules. our house, our rules) Helping herself - eating an entire brand new half gallon container of ice cream from our freezer over a weekend and then leaving the empty container. Yes, that's excessive. rough housing - Yes, my daughter's $300 brand new eye glasses should not fly off her head at a restaurant table. I'm not picking on the kid; I'm just tired of her abusing my child and acting like a shit. |