Need help with friends we like whose daughter is a brat

[Anonymous]

She sounds kinda bratty. What did your DD say about the glasses? I'm having trouble picturing how exactly that happened?

[Anonymous]

Wait a minute. You didn't even see the glasses fly off and you are making a huge deal out of this???

[Anonymous]

I don't get the ice cream example. Sometimes I order an ice cream and expect something small and then something huge comes out. If she ate it all would you be complaining that she is "piggy?" I agree with the others that you are finding reasons for not liking this kid. Spare her and don't spend any time with her. I'm sure you upset her as much or more than you being upset. You are the grown-up right?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a typical afternoon when I have 12 year olds at my house...

[Anonymous]

This gets weirder and weirder. You don't cut off a twelve year old because she didn't finish her ice cream, because she left an ice cream container in the freezer, and because of a second-hand anecdote about something that happened at the other end of the table.

Get therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any suggestion for me whose DD is a brat? With major attitude? I've raised her the same as my DS who is a joy to be around and somehow failed completely with her. We went to friend's for Thanksgiving who have a bit younger DD. When they were both younger they got along great, now my DD talks to air, avoids eye contact and is a serious brat to be around even at home. I read "yes, your teen is crazy" and don't let it bother me at home and I correct her all the time, but without losing my temper. Then she gets mad that she can't get me angry! I correct her even at friend's house, and she gets a bit better. She is not a brat with her friends but really bratty in some situations and even once to her pediatrician. Any advice?

Realize that the same parenting techniques you used for your other child are not going to be the ones that will work for your DD and look for help in developing new parenting techniques.

[Anonymous]

OP, she sounds twelve.

Your daughter will likely be following along soon like every other u bearable 12-13 year old girl.

She might even be worse. If not finishing an ice cream sundae is your pinnacle of bratty teen behavior you are going to be in for a rough ride.

[Anonymous]

Oh OP, I know exactly what you are talking about and i don't think a lot of people do. I'm in the same boat - there's a DC of family friends who comes to play with my DC and while they have fun, the kid is exasperating brat. Nothing crazy when you look at every tiny infraction individually, but in combination completely exhausting. We eat in the kitchen, he sneaks food upstairs. Lunchtime comes, he grabs everything on the table, proceeds to take a bite out of his stuff and messes up everything else. We order food, i refuse to to order a soda, he whines. Parent says no ice cream, he whines, gets one anyway, eats 2 bites. I take them to an outing, each kid gets one souvenir, he asks for 3, whines if i say no. Continues to play in master bedroom, when specifically instructed to stay out of there. Refuses to tidy up after playing. Refuses to take turns in games and follow rules, which inevitably leads to a fallout between the kids. And so on. This is an older elementary kid, not a toddler. I have no problem disciplining him, but shouldn't his parents do that? It's just so tiring when i have to non-stop enforce something that has been settled in our house since the kids came out of diapers. It has lead me to cut back on the contact quite a bit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any suggestion for me whose DD is a brat? With major attitude? I've raised her the same as my DS who is a joy to be around and somehow failed completely with her. We went to friend's for Thanksgiving who have a bit younger DD. When they were both younger they got along great, now my DD talks to air, avoids eye contact and is a serious brat to be around even at home. I read "yes, your teen is crazy" and don't let it bother me at home and I correct her all the time, but without losing my temper. Then she gets mad that she can't get me angry! I correct her even at friend's house, and she gets a bit better. She is not a brat with her friends but really bratty in some situations and even once to her pediatrician. Any advice?

Don't name-call your child - or any child - a brat. It's a horrible term.

All kids are brats. All men are assholes. All women are bitches. Each of them in their own personal ratio. Get over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a typical afternoon when I have 12 year olds at my house...

Yeah OP, 12 to 13 are rough years for girls. They do things a non-hormonal girl would not do. They test boundaries, they try to get away with things. They push their friendships too. Not all girls get this way and not all do at the same time. It is a strain on many relationships, even BFF's. I would plan a few non-kid gatherings and see where things lead in another year or so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:12 is way past the age where physical play would be okay with me. Just stop seeing them as a family.

Yep - you can't fix bad parenting and you have to protect your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:12 is way past the age where physical play would be okay with me. Just stop seeing them as a family.

Yep - you can't fix bad parenting and you have to protect your child.

Except OP wasn't even there when this happened and has no idea whether her precious darling was part of it.

[Anonymous]

My DD is 14 and I do not recall her or any of her friends roughhousing at 12. That is not a girl thing. My DS, who is DD's twin, still roughhouses and engages in horseplay with his friends in between gaming. Honestly, OP, I would drop the entire family. I have a hard time getting past the fact, if it is true, that this couple will not accept that their child has some behavioral issues and address it with her. It says more about them than DD. I would find the parents and child to be stressful and I would not want to go on separate outings with the parents. I would not be able to get out of my head that they have a bratty child that they don't deal with.

[Anonymous]

When I'm this bothered by small, mundane behaviors of someone else I have to start asking myself why -- what is being triggered inside me, what I'm projecting onto the situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you don't think this kid is nice to your kid, I get that.

But not finishing her ice cream?
Eating in areas of your house you don't eat in?
Helping herself unduly?
Rough-housing so that your daughter's glasses were knocked off?

It strikes me that you are picking on this kid. Why?

Not op, but wouldn't this bother you? I don't think it's normal for 12 year old girls to roughhouse like that. Not from what I remember anyway (my own kids are not at that age yet).

It takes two to roughhouse, and most tweens enjoy it. I certainly wouldn't blame one kid over another. And getting glasses knocked off is hardly dangerous. Did someone end up at the emergency room? It sounds like OP is looking for reasons to be peeved at this kid's behavior.

This is possibly the stupidest thing I have ever read on DCUM, and that's quite an achievement.