Need help with friends we like whose daughter is a brat

[Anonymous]

Even if you go on adult-only outings, they will eventually suggest something that involves the kids. You don't like the daughter, and you don't have to justify the reasons. You don't want her around your daughter because it makes you uncomfortable. This is a deal-breaker, and the only solution is to stop seeing the parents/family altogether. All roads will lead to that outcome eventually so I wouldn't invest more time with a couple when you don't care for their child. It happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any suggestion for me whose DD is a brat? With major attitude? I've raised her the same as my DS who is a joy to be around and somehow failed completely with her. We went to friend's for Thanksgiving who have a bit younger DD. When they were both younger they got along great, now my DD talks to air, avoids eye contact and is a serious brat to be around even at home. I read "yes, your teen is crazy" and don't let it bother me at home and I correct her all the time, but without losing my temper. Then she gets mad that she can't get me angry! I correct her even at friend's house, and she gets a bit better. She is not a brat with her friends but really bratty in some situations and even once to her pediatrician. Any advice?

Don't name-call your child - or any child - a brat. It's a horrible term.

I'd also add that there is no way your daughter has not picked up on the fact that you find your son to be a joy and her a brat, which means, of course, that you haven't raised them the same way. You first have to find something you like about her and focus on that and ignore the rest just to see if it changes her attitude, however subtlety. I have a friend whose world revolves around her son and then she wonders why her daughter is angry all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh OP, I know exactly what you are talking about and i don't think a lot of people do. I'm in the same boat - there's a DC of family friends who comes to play with my DC and while they have fun, the kid is exasperating brat. Nothing crazy when you look at every tiny infraction individually, but in combination completely exhausting. We eat in the kitchen, he sneaks food upstairs. Lunchtime comes, he grabs everything on the table, proceeds to take a bite out of his stuff and messes up everything else. We order food, i refuse to to order a soda, he whines. Parent says no ice cream, he whines, gets one anyway, eats 2 bites. I take them to an outing, each kid gets one souvenir, he asks for 3, whines if i say no. Continues to play in master bedroom, when specifically instructed to stay out of there. Refuses to tidy up after playing. Refuses to take turns in games and follow rules, which inevitably leads to a fallout between the kids. And so on. This is an older elementary kid, not a toddler. I have no problem disciplining him, but shouldn't his parents do that? It's just so tiring when i have to non-stop enforce something that has been settled in our house since the kids came out of diapers. It has lead me to cut back on the contact quite a bit.

OP here. This is basically it. Exactly what I was trying to say.

As an update, my DW tried to speak with the mom of the child at issue. In short, despite a third party's account, she wasn't haven't any of it. We're pretty confident that we're simply going to cut them loose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:12 is way past the age where physical play would be okay with me. Just stop seeing them as a family.

Yep - you can't fix bad parenting and you have to protect your child.

Except OP wasn't even there when this happened and has no idea whether her precious darling was part of it.

To the PP regarding bad parenting,, you're right on the money. To the PP indicating I (OP) wasn't there, not correct. Refresh your reading comprehension. I was at the other end of a long table.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I'm this bothered by small, mundane behaviors of someone else I have to start asking myself why -- what is being triggered inside me, what I'm projecting onto the situation.

OP here. While I applaud your very liberal view, it includes the judgment that these are small, mundane behaviors. they are not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:12 is way past the age where physical play would be okay with me. Just stop seeing them as a family.

Yep - you can't fix bad parenting and you have to protect your child.

Except OP wasn't even there when this happened and has no idea whether her precious darling was part of it.

To the PP regarding bad parenting,, you're right on the money. To the PP indicating I (OP) wasn't there, not correct. Refresh your reading comprehension. I was at the other end of a long table.

I rest my case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I'm this bothered by small, mundane behaviors of someone else I have to start asking myself why -- what is being triggered inside me, what I'm projecting onto the situation.

OP here. While I applaud your very liberal view, it includes the judgment that these are small, mundane behaviors. they are not.

I bet dollars to donuts that this 12 year old has the audacity to either be more attractive or more intelligent than your child or be somewhat flirtatious with your husband, or just more developed than you are comfortable with at your stage of life.

[Anonymous]

We have a great couple that we've known since we only had firstborns. Over the years, their middle child has become a bitch on wheels. They kinda know it, but it still makes getting the two families together painful and awkward. Now that the kids are older teens, we go out without the kids. But it sucked at the time and we stopped inviting the kids over.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you have an eating disorder or are really restrictive with food. Why do you care if she didn't finish an ice cream her parents bought her on a cruise? Kids put back empty containers all the time. Heck, sometimes my husband will put back a nearly empty gallon of milk.

[Anonymous]

Op here. I'm going to stop responding to folks who can't seem to read and comprehend, or those who prefer to project "facts" into the situation that are neither stated nor accurate.

Interesting update: Two days ago, the subject child sent an image to our child on Snapchat of her and her school friends extending the middle finger. We screen-shot it, sent it to the mother and told her to take our child off her child's Snapchat. Lo and behold, somehow the school got a hold of the Snapchat image (not from us) and called both mother and child into school to explain. Don't know what happened with that but we later got an apology by text. We're still done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I'm going to stop responding to folks who can't seem to read and comprehend, or those who prefer to project "facts" into the situation that are neither stated nor accurate.

Interesting update: Two days ago, the subject child sent an image to our child on Snapchat of her and her school friends extending the middle finger. We screen-shot it, sent it to the mother and told her to take our child off her child's Snapchat. Lo and behold, somehow the school got a hold of the Snapchat image (not from us) and called both mother and child into school to explain. Don't know what happened with that but we later got an apology by text. We're still done.

OMG, the horror of a tween knowing such a gesture. Are you Mormon?

[Anonymous]

^^^ Sigh, yes, you are correct that I'm using that gesture towards you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I'm going to stop responding to folks who can't seem to read and comprehend, or those who prefer to project "facts" into the situation that are neither stated nor accurate.

Interesting update: Two days ago, the subject child sent an image to our child on Snapchat of her and her school friends extending the middle finger. We screen-shot it, sent it to the mother and told her to take our child off her child's Snapchat. Lo and behold, somehow the school got a hold of the Snapchat image (not from us) and called both mother and child into school to explain. Don't know what happened with that but we later got an apology by text. We're still done.

OMG, the horror of a tween knowing such a gesture. Are you Mormon?

It's not knowing such a gesture, of course kids that age know it; it's being dumb enough to post online a group picture using it. I'm a NP to this thread, but I wouldn't want my kid to be doing those things either--it's a harbinger of bad things to come for sure if the kid doesn't understand that what's posted online never goes all the way away.

[Anonymous]

You don't like her. Why do you keep coming back to this thread?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I'm going to stop responding to folks who can't seem to read and comprehend, or those who prefer to project "facts" into the situation that are neither stated nor accurate.

Interesting update: Two days ago, the subject child sent an image to our child on Snapchat of her and her school friends extending the middle finger. We screen-shot it, sent it to the mother and told her to take our child off her child's Snapchat. Lo and behold, somehow the school got a hold of the Snapchat image (not from us) and called both mother and child into school to explain. Don't know what happened with that but we later got an apology by text. We're still done.

OMG, the horror of a tween knowing such a gesture. Are you Mormon?

Oh c'mon. That's pretty crappy and you know it. I'd never put my dd in a position to spend time with a kid like that.

- not OP