Pretty sure sister in law's grandchildren are drug dealers. How to keep them out of my house.

[Anonymous]

My husband is very close to his older sister, who raised her grandchildren. We're pretty sure they're drug dealers. Sister in law travels to see them regularly and often stays over with us, as it's on the way. Now she wants them to join her occasionally. I know for a fact they have guns and I'm not at all comfortable with them in my home. Sister in law, yes. Grandkids, no, but I'm not sure how to address this.

[Anonymous]

DH needs to handle that. He needs to tell his sister that they aren't welcome.

[Anonymous]

No guns or drugs in your house. Said directly, out loud, in front of everybody.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH needs to handle that. He needs to tell his sister that they aren't welcome.

Well, it can be done a lot more politely than that.

Your husband can just say, "Oh, we'd love for you to stay, but were really not up to hosting a larger group." Or something to that effect. I doubt she'd really insist b/c as a house guest, it's not particularly polite to invite additional people, especially if they are adults. It's not the same as when dealing with children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH needs to handle that. He needs to tell his sister that they aren't welcome.

Well, it can be done a lot more politely than that.

Your husband can just say, "Oh, we'd love for you to stay, but were really not up to hosting a larger group." Or something to that effect. I doubt she'd really insist b/c as a house guest, it's not particularly polite to invite additional people, especially if they are adults. It's not the same as when dealing with children.

Yes, but the point is that this is DH's responsibility to work out.

[Anonymous]

I have two groups in my family who I avoid because of guns (I'm not anti-gun, but these guns were not, like, in a safe or in some other reasonable location- they were out on the counter with kids running around) and drugs/drug dealers.

The branch of the family I was able to avoid, I just stopped visiting (they live out of state). The unavoidable part of the family my is parents and my sibling (my sibling is a severe addict and lives with my parents). I had to address it head-on and explained why sibling was unwelcome in our home, why we wouldn't be visiting their home again. Luckily, I have little kids and the last visit was a disaster, complete with police involvement - so I had a bit of an out.

It's very possible your DH will have to address this head-on, and be prepared for it to strain their relationship, because no one likes to think that THEIR drug addict kid (grandkid) is all that terrible/dangerous/whatever. Nine times out of ten, there has been years of turning a blind eye to what is going on in their home (either as a coping mechanism for something they can't control, or because they are lousy and/or worn-out as parents). Sometimes they know, deep down that their kids (in this case, grandkids) are screwed up, but they hate any kind of attention being called to it, because they see it as a personal failure. If she understood how bad her grandkids were, she wouldn't expect other relatives to host them. I'd NEVER ask a relative to host my addict/dangerous sibling, because I see the situation clearly. I would back up any relative who doesn't want their kids or themselves around my sibling, and I'd advocate for them.

[Anonymous]

I don't see what the big deal is. It's not like they're going to be dealing while at your house. They don't have any suppliers or clients in your area. If they travel with guns, have them leave the guns in their car. From what you've written, your way over-reacting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't see what the big deal is. It's not like they're going to be dealing while at your house. They don't have any suppliers or clients in your area. If they travel with guns, have them leave the guns in their car. From what you've written, your way over-reacting.

I'd say that you're not too familiar with these kinds of characters, or you've simply dealt with it so much that you're numb to it.

If you're hosting a drug dealer who is concerned enough about their own safety to pack heat, you're at risk, too. Do you realize that drug dealers carry guns because they understand that their own safety is at risk? And that doesn't even get into half the other things that could happen, like stuff getting stolen, hidden drugs being inadvertently left around in a place a small child could later find them after they were stashed for the weekend... I could go on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't see what the big deal is. It's not like they're going to be dealing while at your house. They don't have any suppliers or clients in your area. If they travel with guns, have them leave the guns in their car. From what you've written, your way over-reacting.

I'd say that you're not too familiar with these kinds of characters, or you've simply dealt with it so much that you're numb to it.

If you're hosting a drug dealer who is concerned enough about their own safety to pack heat, you're at risk, too. Do you realize that drug dealers carry guns because they understand that their own safety is at risk? And that doesn't even get into half the other things that could happen, like stuff getting stolen, hidden drugs being inadvertently left around in a place a small child could later find them after they were stashed for the weekend... I could go on.

Sounds more like hysteria and suspicion. OP never said they carry guns because they're dealing and fear for their safety. Lots of people carry guns out of concern for their safety and they aren't drug dealers. It hasn't even been confirmed they are dealing drugs. It sounds like you have little life experience - you think they're going to hide drugs in OP's house? Why would they need to? It's a freakin overnight/weekend! Chill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't see what the big deal is. It's not like they're going to be dealing while at your house. They don't have any suppliers or clients in your area. If they travel with guns, have them leave the guns in their car. From what you've written, your way over-reacting.

I'd say that you're not too familiar with these kinds of characters, or you've simply dealt with it so much that you're numb to it.

If you're hosting a drug dealer who is concerned enough about their own safety to pack heat, you're at risk, too. Do you realize that drug dealers carry guns because they understand that their own safety is at risk? And that doesn't even get into half the other things that could happen, like stuff getting stolen, hidden drugs being inadvertently left around in a place a small child could later find them after they were stashed for the weekend... I could go on.

Sounds more like hysteria and suspicion. OP never said they carry guns because they're dealing and fear for their safety. Lots of people carry guns out of concern for their safety and they aren't drug dealers. It hasn't even been confirmed they are dealing drugs. It sounds like you have little life experience - you think they're going to hide drugs in OP's house? Why would they need to? It's a freakin overnight/weekend! Chill.

PP--your address so OP can the drug dealing guests to stay at your house. Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

PP--your address so OP can the drug dealing guests to stay at your house. Problem solved.

You're probably someone who monitors the registered sex offenders database for sex offenders in her neighborhood. Or, is someone shocked (SHOCKED!) when you learned someone with whom you are acquainted discloses a drug/alcohol problem. You are oblivious that we are surrounded at all times by people who have hidden their negative behaviors and think you can isolate your family from them. What an epic fail.

OP says her SIL raised these kids which makes them more like her children than grandchildren. Thus, they're OP's nieces and nephews. Had OP stated that they have a history of coming to family events incapacitated, using drugs in her home, offensive or combative, I'd be very supportive of her efforts to ban them from her home. I'd support her if her SIL has related experiences of them stealing to support a drug habit. But, again, that's not what she posted. What indication is there that these 'kids' will behave outside the boundaries of what's acceptable?

The gun issue is just ridiculous. We don't own guns and I'm solidly in support of research to reduce firearm incidents. But, gun ownership doesn't make someone a threat. If OP doesn't want guns in her house, she's entitled to issue that edict. But to ban someone from the house because she suspects them of being drug dealers and because they own guns is ridiculous. Is she really expecting a rival drug dealer to ambush her house while her niece/nephew are in there? DCUM posters don't typically live in those kinds of neighborhoods.

[Anonymous]

You sound like someone who has raised a screw up, or is in the process of raising a screw up. ^

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't see what the big deal is. It's not like they're going to be dealing while at your house. They don't have any suppliers or clients in your area. If they travel with guns, have them leave the guns in their car. From what you've written, your way over-reacting.

I'd say that you're not too familiar with these kinds of characters, or you've simply dealt with it so much that you're numb to it.

If you're hosting a drug dealer who is concerned enough about their own safety to pack heat, you're at risk, too. Do you realize that drug dealers carry guns because they understand that their own safety is at risk? And that doesn't even get into half the other things that could happen, like stuff getting stolen, hidden drugs being inadvertently left around in a place a small child could later find them after they were stashed for the weekend... I could go on.

Sounds more like hysteria and suspicion. OP never said they carry guns because they're dealing and fear for their safety. Lots of people carry guns out of concern for their safety and they aren't drug dealers. It hasn't even been confirmed they are dealing drugs. It sounds like you have little life experience - you think they're going to hide drugs in OP's house? Why would they need to? It's a freakin overnight/weekend! Chill.

If they're arrested in her house with drugs op could lose her house to govt forfeiture. Not to mention the other more obvious risks like violence, drugs being left out, etc. plus maybe she just doesn't want to socialize with drug users/dealers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't see what the big deal is. It's not like they're going to be dealing while at your house. They don't have any suppliers or clients in your area. If they travel with guns, have them leave the guns in their car. From what you've written, your way over-reacting.

Something is seriously wrong with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't see what the big deal is. It's not like they're going to be dealing while at your house. They don't have any suppliers or clients in your area. If they travel with guns, have them leave the guns in their car. From what you've written, your way over-reacting.

Something is seriously wrong with you.

No...I think you and some of these other posters are just looking for something to get riled up over. OP does not KNOW they are drug dealers. How would you even know? Do you know any drug dealers? Bought drugs from any of them? There's a big difference between some pot head grand kids and gun-toting drug dealers. If they're the latter they prob don't even want to come over anyway. Please breathe and unclench.