Husband is overly attached to his mom

[Anonymous]

Sorry to hear this sounds like a rough situation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband's family is similar, but my husband has managed to break out of the hold quite a bit since having met and married me. He does sometimes talk about "going home" and I have to remind him "this is your home, we are your immediate family." Thankfully his sister is a single crazy cat lady (without any cats) and has an extremely odd codependent relationship with his parents, so I think they focus most of their energy on her and not us.

You are nor a crazy cat lady if you don't have any cats! You sound like a judgemental busybody.

+1 Omg PP sounds the crazy one. I have cats and would rather be a crazy loving cat lady than be vindictive and controlling of my spouse!

+2 you don’t allow him to say “going home”? WTAF?!

[Anonymous]

Hi I have same problem my husband his 48 his mom like 68 they hang out like 3 times a week his mom lives like 50 minutes away from his house most likely he the one fixed everything around his mom house his mother been single maybe 30 years and they fight a lot to since she's single she's the man in her house I guess I told him one time you both should stay together and get married you don't need me as your wife he yell at me I stay at home cause I'm not comfortable around them I don't want any conflicts that's was my husband says me and my husband we argue a lot he likes to yell at me I can't conversation with him cause every time I do he thinks I start the fights I'm pretty much alone myself I don't have friends no family around I stay home everyday every night I don't know if my mental health is normal he doesn't talks to me all the time he lives to stay his computer most of time and play his phone a lot watch videos he doesn't have time to me he ignore me most of time he only talk to me when he needs something he eats most of his time in his computer room I eat in the table he says I can't change him the way he is I won't say anything before we start the fight do u think I'm the problem in the relationship cause he says I'm crazy I need help can someone advise me what should I do
Thank you for reading

[Anonymous]

Moms love their boys, especially the first one. I hope girls and women stop trying to cut moms off from their boys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP when you married him you knew this. How were you expecting to deal with it? Do that.

Op here. To be fair, we were 26/27 when we married and I thought he’d grow up and over it.

I think this is something that many, many people do, about various issues. You aren't the only one.

How long have you been married? Any kids?

I think the issue with "fixing" this is that you aren't fixing concrete issues and accepting others. It's the whole dynamic. You can likely change some of the required pieces of the dynamic, like not staying with your ILs, but probably not the whole thing. So it's either learn to pick your battles, embrace it, or leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know I’m going to get mean comments about how I should have known better as the signs were always there. My husbands family is very attached to each other in a way that to me seems to be codependent at best and toxic at worst. I guess I can’t relate as I love my family very much but I’m an immigrant so my parents live overseas.I call them every few days and we do family video calls but by all purposes I am my own person and independent. My parents love and respect me and let me put my husband and our little family first.

My husbands family is sort of toxic(IMO). They are very cliquey and my MIL is always going on about family first, blood is thicker than water, and has instilled in her adult children a strong desire to always be together. My MIL was unhappy when my husband started dating me seriously and did not want us to get married. She also did not let her daughter get married until this year and her mother’s disapproval was such a hindrance that she broke up with her fiancé many times until finally deciding she can’t give him up due to her mom. Any major holiday or days off we have we are expected to go to my in laws house. It’s not enough to visit, we must sleep over! My husband wants to do everything his mom wants him to do. I don’t have a say.

He texts her and sends her pictures of everything we do. Dinners we make, trips we go on, purchases we make. She’s also his confidant regarding his business and financial decisions. She has also advocated for ensuring that I “pay my share” as I shouldn’t be using much of “his” money.

It’s sort of creepy. Long story short, I feel like my husband is devoted to his family or origin and I am just an add on.

Am I overreacting?

You can encourage him to remain close to her but with boundaries. Have him do it subtly and not announce the changes to mom or it will causes havoc and conflict. It's cute he is close with her but yes some of it is bizarre. See them but no you don't have to go on all days off. They are welcome to come visit.

[Anonymous]

Wow. That is well beyond the realm of normal, OP. I'm sorry you're in this situation. I think you need to sit your husband down and explain that normal mothers do not behave like this, and that he needs individual therapy to help him learn some boundaries and implement them, so that he can put his wife and children first, before his mother.

My own mother is like your husband's mother. The difference is that I felt completely smothered and basically escaped to a different continent to seek my fortunes, in my late teens/early 20s, as soon as I could. It's really sad that your husband and siblings have not been able to separate themselves. Perhaps their mother is more pleasant than mine!

Best of luck navigating this.

[Anonymous]

OP, this isnt going to change so either you accept it or not.
The latter means marital dissolution.
You are young enough to find someone who shares your cultural values and expectations for marital privacy and personal life.

[Anonymous]

This thread is over 4 years old people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi I have same problem my husband his 48 his mom like 68 they hang out like 3 times a week his mom lives like 50 minutes away from his house most likely he the one fixed everything around his mom house his mother been single maybe 30 years and they fight a lot to since she's single she's the man in her house I guess I told him one time you both should stay together and get married you don't need me as your wife he yell at me I stay at home cause I'm not comfortable around them I don't want any conflicts that's was my husband says me and my husband we argue a lot he likes to yell at me I can't conversation with him cause every time I do he thinks I start the fights I'm pretty much alone myself I don't have friends no family around I stay home everyday every night I don't know if my mental health is normal he doesn't talks to me all the time he lives to stay his computer most of time and play his phone a lot watch videos he doesn't have time to me he ignore me most of time he only talk to me when he needs something he eats most of his time in his computer room I eat in the table he says I can't change him the way he is I won't say anything before we start the fight do u think I'm the problem in the relationship cause he says I'm crazy I need help can someone advise me what should I do
Thank you for reading

Your problem is that you felt the need to resurrect a 5 yr old thread with your incoherent and poorly written ramblings. What’s wrong with you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Moms love their boys, especially the first one[b]. I hope girls and women stop trying to cut moms off from their boys.

Mother's like you are awful parents. Shame on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi I have same problem my husband his 48 his mom like 68 they hang out like 3 times a week his mom lives like 50 minutes away from his house most likely he the one fixed everything around his mom house his mother been single maybe 30 years and they fight a lot to since she's single she's the man in her house I guess I told him one time you both should stay together and get married you don't need me as your wife he yell at me I stay at home cause I'm not comfortable around them I don't want any conflicts that's was my husband says me and my husband we argue a lot he likes to yell at me I can't conversation with him cause every time I do he thinks I start the fights I'm pretty much alone myself I don't have friends no family around I stay home everyday every night I don't know if my mental health is normal he doesn't talks to me all the time he lives to stay his computer most of time and play his phone a lot watch videos he doesn't have time to me he ignore me most of time he only talk to me when he needs something he eats most of his time in his computer room I eat in the table he says I can't change him the way he is I won't say anything before we start the fight do u think I'm the problem in the relationship cause he says I'm crazy I need help can someone advise me what should I do
Thank you for reading

You need to start a new post. People will read the old original post and not see yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi I have same problem my husband his 48 his mom like 68 they hang out like 3 times a week his mom lives like 50 minutes away from his house most likely he the one fixed everything around his mom house his mother been single maybe 30 years and they fight a lot to since she's single she's the man in her house I guess I told him one time you both should stay together and get married you don't need me as your wife he yell at me I stay at home cause I'm not comfortable around them I don't want any conflicts that's was my husband says me and my husband we argue a lot he likes to yell at me I can't conversation with him cause every time I do he thinks I start the fights I'm pretty much alone myself I don't have friends no family around I stay home everyday every night I don't know if my mental health is normal he doesn't talks to me all the time he lives to stay his computer most of time and play his phone a lot watch videos he doesn't have time to me he ignore me most of time he only talk to me when he needs something he eats most of his time in his computer room I eat in the table he says I can't change him the way he is I won't say anything before we start the fight do u think I'm the problem in the relationship cause he says I'm crazy I need help can someone advise me what should I do
Thank you for reading

Punctuation please

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of this I wouldn't be comfortable with either. But it doesn't really matter. You either learn to deal with it or you divorce. You're not going to change him

This. You knew this going in, it isn't going to change. So either decide to accept it or leave. Those are your choices. That's it.

But, since you won't listen, please do link to this post when you write other threads down the road about how awful your situation is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP when you married him you knew this. How were you expecting to deal with it? Do that.

Op here. To be fair, we were 26/27 when we married and I thought he’d grow up and over it.

And how old are you now?