How do I make it so my kids are not like this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really believe screens are killing child hood and damaging kids. Just like anything - moderation is the key. Screens are addictive- so parents need to enforce moderation.

Screens are addictive for EVERYONE. It's adults too. I know I need to put my damn phone down in front of my kids too sometimes.

I agree, screens destroyed childhood. Before anyone says anything, yes, I know we had TV and video games, and yes, at time we spent too much time on them, but not like today. We had a much better balance imo.

We also didn't have mothers who ranted about The Gift of Fear constantly whenever a stranger crossed our paths.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really believe screens are killing child hood and damaging kids. Just like anything - moderation is the key. Screens are addictive- so parents need to enforce moderation.

Screens are addictive for EVERYONE. It's adults too. I know I need to put my damn phone down in front of my kids too sometimes.

I agree, screens destroyed childhood. Before anyone says anything, yes, I know we had TV and video games, and yes, at time we spent too much time on them, but not like today. We had a much better balance imo.

They've also destroyed adulthood. We're all phone zombies now.

When we were kids we had unlimited TV in summers, but there was a natural limit because at some point there would be nothing good on TV. Not so with netflix, prime video, youtube. Entertainment options never end.

[Anonymous]

This is one of the reasons we are sending our kid to Waldorf school. I want our kid to have a significant chunk of childhood that’s screen-free, with other kids whose families also value that.

We do watch some TV (Netflix, Disney+, YouTube, Jeopardy!) at home. We try to stay busy with outdoor activity so that TV time is less available and more limited. Probably evens out to an hour or so per day. We are not super-restrictive with content at this point, but there was no TV at all until about 2. Once you open that box, it’s hard to scale back. I’d say it was probably 15 mins. 3-4x/week at two, a movie 2-3x/week at 3. All bets were off at 4 during the pandemic. We’ve definitely scaled back A LOT in the past few months, and not without a struggle.

My nephews are video game zombies—even the youngest was addicted to Minecraft by K. They have no idea how to interact with humans without screens, carry phones and tablets wherever they go, have limited social skills, are significantly overweight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Relative’s kids are constantly on screens (TV or Nintendo). It’s their default thing to do when they’re not in a class or being driven to an activity like a play area. They have plenty of toys, books, and adults who are willing to play with them (pretend play or board games) but they are not interested unless forced.

I am not judging the parenting. I just want to make sure my kids (toddlers) don’t turn out like this, because they are currently toddler/preschooler with lots of interests, and I don’t want their world to narrow.

Of course you're judging their parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Relative’s kids are constantly on screens (TV or Nintendo). It’s their default thing to do when they’re not in a class or being driven to an activity like a play area. They have plenty of toys, books, and adults who are willing to play with them (pretend play or board games) but they are not interested unless forced.

I am not judging the parenting. I just want to make sure my kids (toddlers) don’t turn out like this, because they are currently toddler/preschooler with lots of interests, and I don’t want their world to narrow.

Of course you're judging their parenting.

What’s wrong with judging the parenting? I do that all the time. There are a -significant- amount of kids who I don’t want my kid to end up like, and it can usually be traced back to their home life. On the flip side, I have a few friends with amazing kids and I go to them for parenting advice all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really believe screens are killing child hood and damaging kids. Just like anything - moderation is the key. Screens are addictive- so parents need to enforce moderation.

Screens are addictive for EVERYONE. It's adults too. I know I need to put my damn phone down in front of my kids too sometimes.

I agree, screens destroyed childhood. Before anyone says anything, yes, I know we had TV and video games, and yes, at time we spent too much time on them, but not like today. We had a much better balance imo.

They've also destroyed adulthood. We're all phone zombies now.

When we were kids we had unlimited TV in summers, but there was a natural limit because at some point there would be nothing good on TV. Not so with netflix, prime video, youtube. Entertainment options never end.

Totally agree with how screentime now is a different ballgame than TV 20 years ago.

TV was also more social because there was usually just 1 or 2 in the house. So kids would watch together at least rather than everyone on their own devices. And then there is some interaction just naturally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't default to screens as a travel and "in-between" activity. Screens are great, but make it intentional: family movie night, designated TV time to watch a favorite show, selected games or apps to be played after finishing homework or chores.

We didn't do screens during travel until our kid was 7, and then only as a request for a specific activity ("Can I watch an episode of [x show]"). They still don't have their own iPad (now 10) except as provided by the school for school stuff (which comes locked from stuff like YouTube and is really only available for educational things). So they have to ask us to use an iPad. Still great at technology, great with a computer. But screens have a designated use.

I would also suggest working hard on your own screen usage. This was harder for my DH than me, but once our kid was in school it got easier because he could basically hide his screen time from her. But when we are together as a family, phones are away except to take a call, send a text, or look up something specific. No mindless scrolling or playing games (trust me, we do that during non-family time, we are normal and deeply imperfect).

Our kid doesn't really even ask for screens that much. Likes to read (something we also do in front of her a lot, something that is easier when we aren't on our phones all the time, so win-win). Likes to talk to us. Likes to play games a lot. Enjoys listening to music or podcasts.

It also helps that peers seem to be similarly restricted from or on reduced screen time -- one of the positives of living in a very liberal, middle class area is that a lot of other families have similar values. But the biggest thing is to not push screens as a way to occupy your kid (which yes, means more work for you especially when they are younger and more annoying), and to try and demonstrate good behavior around screens by not zoning out in front of them, at least while your kid is around. This gets easier once they are in school or activities because it gives you a chance to do that when they aren't around. Just being honest -- I know this makes me a hypocrite. But I didn't grow up addicted to screens, it happened later. I'm trying to similarly preserve that for my kid.

Kid. Singular is key here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is one of the reasons we are sending our kid to Waldorf school. I want our kid to have a significant chunk of childhood that’s screen-free, with other kids whose families also value that.

We do watch some TV (Netflix, Disney+, YouTube, Jeopardy!) at home. We try to stay busy with outdoor activity so that TV time is less available and more limited. Probably evens out to an hour or so per day. We are not super-restrictive with content at this point, but there was no TV at all until about 2. Once you open that box, it’s hard to scale back. I’d say it was probably 15 mins. 3-4x/week at two, a movie 2-3x/week at 3. All bets were off at 4 during the pandemic. We’ve definitely scaled back A LOT in the past few months, and not without a struggle.

My nephews are video game zombies—even the youngest was addicted to Minecraft by K. They have no idea how to interact with humans without screens, carry phones and tablets wherever they go, have limited social skills, are significantly overweight.

[Anonymous]

Parents of toddlers literally have no idea what it’s like to be parent of elementary school kids, and even less of an idea of what it’s like to parent older kids.

Good parenting looks different with different aged kids.

You are not always going to have a toddler. And when (if) you look back on this little judge mental rant, you may (or may not) feel
Differently about this particular parenting decision.

[Anonymous]

I remember once when I had a three month old, judging the HELL out of a mom who allowed her 18 month old to eat a ritz cracker.

Now I have a high schooler and My concerns are very very different. I also am horrified that I thought that stupid cracker mattered.

Stop caring about the stupid cracker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Relative’s kids are constantly on screens (TV or Nintendo). It’s their default thing to do when they’re not in a class or being driven to an activity like a play area. They have plenty of toys, books, and adults who are willing to play with them (pretend play or board games) but they are not interested unless forced.

I am not judging the parenting. I just want to make sure my kids (toddlers) don’t turn out like this, because they are currently toddler/preschooler with lots of interests, and I don’t want their world to narrow.

Of course you're judging their parenting.

What’s wrong with judging the parenting? I do that all the time. There are a -significant- amount of kids who I don’t want my kid to end up like, and it can usually be traced back to their home life. On the flip side, I have a few friends with amazing kids and I go to them for parenting advice all the time.

I agree but OP said that she was not judging their parenting in her original post. Read the original post so you know what you're talking about!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is one of the reasons we are sending our kid to Waldorf school. I want our kid to have a significant chunk of childhood that’s screen-free, with other kids whose families also value that.

We do watch some TV (Netflix, Disney+, YouTube, Jeopardy!) at home. We try to stay busy with outdoor activity so that TV time is less available and more limited. Probably evens out to an hour or so per day. We are not super-restrictive with content at this point, but there was no TV at all until about 2. Once you open that box, it’s hard to scale back. I’d say it was probably 15 mins. 3-4x/week at two, a movie 2-3x/week at 3. All bets were off at 4 during the pandemic. We’ve definitely scaled back A LOT in the past few months, and not without a struggle.

My nephews are video game zombies—even the youngest was addicted to Minecraft by K. They have no idea how to interact with humans without screens, carry phones and tablets wherever they go, have limited social skills, are significantly overweight.

What, exactly is eyeroll-worthy in this post? Please share your intelligence with us all.