How do I make it so my kids are not like this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's wrong with playing video games as your primary hobby? No, I'm serious. Do you think it is correlated with grades in college or life success? Because it's not.

Nothing. Video games are fun, but there is way more to childhood than screen time. Which for some reason all kids want to do.

[Anonymous]

Don't default to screens as a travel and "in-between" activity. Screens are great, but make it intentional: family movie night, designated TV time to watch a favorite show, selected games or apps to be played after finishing homework or chores.

We didn't do screens during travel until our kid was 7, and then only as a request for a specific activity ("Can I watch an episode of [x show]"). They still don't have their own iPad (now 10) except as provided by the school for school stuff (which comes locked from stuff like YouTube and is really only available for educational things). So they have to ask us to use an iPad. Still great at technology, great with a computer. But screens have a designated use.

I would also suggest working hard on your own screen usage. This was harder for my DH than me, but once our kid was in school it got easier because he could basically hide his screen time from her. But when we are together as a family, phones are away except to take a call, send a text, or look up something specific. No mindless scrolling or playing games (trust me, we do that during non-family time, we are normal and deeply imperfect).

Our kid doesn't really even ask for screens that much. Likes to read (something we also do in front of her a lot, something that is easier when we aren't on our phones all the time, so win-win). Likes to talk to us. Likes to play games a lot. Enjoys listening to music or podcasts.

It also helps that peers seem to be similarly restricted from or on reduced screen time -- one of the positives of living in a very liberal, middle class area is that a lot of other families have similar values. But the biggest thing is to not push screens as a way to occupy your kid (which yes, means more work for you especially when they are younger and more annoying), and to try and demonstrate good behavior around screens by not zoning out in front of them, at least while your kid is around. This gets easier once they are in school or activities because it gives you a chance to do that when they aren't around. Just being honest -- I know this makes me a hypocrite. But I didn't grow up addicted to screens, it happened later. I'm trying to similarly preserve that for my kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Relative’s kids are constantly on screens (TV or Nintendo). It’s their default thing to do when they’re not in a class or being driven to an activity like a play area. They have plenty of toys, books, and adults who are willing to play with them (pretend play or board games) but they are not interested unless forced.

I am not judging the parenting. I just want to make sure my kids (toddlers) don’t turn out like this, because they are currently toddler/preschooler with lots of interests, and I don’t want their world to narrow.

First off: Nintendo? Presume you mean Switch. Whatever. Let's see.....my kids. One in a top 10 uni, one in a "DC Big 3". Both athletes. Top students. But they play games. In fact, one streams his games (or records them for others to watch. Has a channel). Guess his world view is narrow. Maybe he should be playing Tiddlywinks with us instead.

Mothers of toddlers are so entertaining. And non judgmental.

Defensive much?

[Anonymous]

The best way to do it is to have them never be an option. But that goes for you too.

Most people are not willing to do that. I’m not. But I’m setting very different standards for my younger kids. I allowed too much too soon with my oldest.

[Anonymous]

I have 3 kids. Eldest is mid elementary. I already know the truth: you don’t pick your kids interests and proclivities. You can shape them a little but way less than you think when they’re toddlers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, remember that the kids’ behavior when you are there is not necessarily what it is when you are not. When I have other adults over, I will often allow screens because I want to socialize with my adult friends and relatives. I don’t want to be reading books to them or playing games with them or doing art projects. I’m happy to do that when we are home alone, but I also want my time to socialize undisturbed.

I replied earlier with ideas, but this is such a good point I wanted to +1. We've successfully kept our kid from becoming a "constantly on screens" kid, but that is partly because we tend to save screens for times when they are most useful, like when we have visitors, especially visitors who don't have kids who our kid could play with. So I'm sure some of our friends/family with much younger or no kids think our kid is always on screens, because they see our kid getting hooked up with a movie after dinner while we visit with our guests. That's not a normal post-dinner occurrence, but it could seem that way.

[Anonymous]

Make sure they are engaged and involved with non-screen activities and that you model social skills by not using a phone as a crutch when you are with others.

Most kids lack social skills. Seriously, I believe the vast amount of time spent on video games contributes to this and a lack of imagination. Staring at a screen is also bad for their eyes. Everything in moderation but hours every day and emotional/psychological dependence is not in moderation.

I had a child ~11 asking for my phone in a no-phone context and my friend handled it really well. He asked what a phone could possibly offer him if all of his friends were all RIGHT THERE in person (pre-covid) and wanting to hang out with him. "Nothing" and he went off to play.

[Anonymous]

Teach your kids time and place. Decompressing with a screen isn’t a huge deal. We all do it

I see a lot of parents that hand an iPad to their young kid when at dinner or grocery shopping where kids learn to never entertain themselves.

Set limits, but also I think parents who are too strict and ban cell phones at the typical ages like 13 end up with kids who rebel and seek it out

[Anonymous]

I nanny for kids who do not ever ask for screens ever (including TV). They are 5 and 7. They go to a Waldorf school but their parents aren't anti-screens. They have a TV and watch it after dinner but that's it. I've always taken them outside for a good portion of their day and they love board/card games so the sky's the limit there. We play all kinds of sports, go to different parks/nature centers/playgrounds, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I nanny for kids who do not ever ask for screens ever (including TV). They are 5 and 7. They go to a Waldorf school but their parents aren't anti-screens. They have a TV and watch it after dinner but that's it. I've always taken them outside for a good portion of their day and they love board/card games so the sky's the limit there. We play all kinds of sports, go to different parks/nature centers/playgrounds, etc.

You nanny for a 5 and 7 year old? Full time? That's old for a full time nanny.

[Anonymous]

Don’t buy them any portable game devices! Only desktop or laptop, which you never bring with you on trips.
They can play videogames but only PC versions (most games have PC versions). Then they have to go through a whole routine to turn on the PC, they only sit in one place etc. This may deter them.
Also yes, you may have one kid who is very much into videogames and one who isn’t. It is what it is.

[Anonymous]

Go back to 1975 and have kids then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, remember that the kids’ behavior when you are there is not necessarily what it is when you are not. When I have other adults over, I will often allow screens because I want to socialize with my adult friends and relatives.

Exactly

+1. I am extremely lax about household rules when we have friends/family over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I nanny for kids who do not ever ask for screens ever (including TV). They are 5 and 7. They go to a Waldorf school but their parents aren't anti-screens. They have a TV and watch it after dinner but that's it. I've always taken them outside for a good portion of their day and they love board/card games so the sky's the limit there. We play all kinds of sports, go to different parks/nature centers/playgrounds, etc.

You nanny for a 5 and 7 year old? Full time? That's old for a full time nanny.

I work 8-6 during the summers and school breaks/days off. During school days, I work from 12-8 and I do kid's laundry, some household errands, etc.

[Anonymous]

You have to be extremely engaged and proactive about keeping them busy and stimulated. And have rules around screen time.