How do you know you're attractive?

[Anonymous]

My mom is very beautiful and elegant and I don't look like her at all. The face type that I personally find good looking is not what I look like either. Others find me good looking including my DH and my kids. Maybe, I have severe body dysmorphia so I think I look very average.

I got a lot of attention in my teens, twenties, thirties and up to mid-forties. But, I found the attention embarrassing because I felt that people must think I am easy and desperate and that they can get into my pants. I do not have an elegant look. I have an earthy look and that embarresses me.

[Anonymous]

I turn heads. Some days more than others.

[Anonymous]

People tell me I'm attractive all the time.

[Anonymous]

Hmmm. This is an anonymous forum so I don't care how this sounds-- call me a humblebragger or whatever. But I've actually been working on my self-esteem with my therapist and this just came up.

All of the things people have listed apply to or happen to me regularly and always have, and I can understand intellectually that I am attractive. Maybe an 8? A 9 on my best days.

And furthermore, I do a LOT of things to present myself as attractively as possible-- I have it almost down to a science on big occasions. But I don't *feel* it, and I don't believe it when people say I am. Kind of, but I'm very good at finding reasons why maybe they're lying, maybe they say that to everyone, they only think I'm attractive because they only like (women with my specific look)... or, when all else fails, that they only think I'm attractive because they have fallen for my elaborate con. Poor souls.

That doesn't... seem healthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am older now, but when I was younger, it included:

1) Being told I was pretty as a child
2) Being asked out on dates
3) Getting catcalled on the street
4) Women getting jealous of me for no apparent reason
5) Being told I looked beautiful if I wore makeup or dressed up

+1

This is a big one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am older now, but when I was younger, it included:

1) Being told I was pretty as a child
2) Being asked out on dates
3) Getting catcalled on the street
4) Women getting jealous of me for no apparent reason
5) Being told I looked beautiful if I wore makeup or dressed up

+1

This is a big one.

I would never pick up on this if it were true, I guess because I'm neurodivergent. If this is a real thing that happens (I'm still skeptical), then it should have happened, it must have happened at some point... but I've only ever figured someone was being weirdly rude to me without knowing me because there's something wrong with *me*.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am older now, but when I was younger, it included:

1) Being told I was pretty as a child
2) Being asked out on dates
3) Getting catcalled on the street
4) Women getting jealous of me for no apparent reason
5) Being told I looked beautiful if I wore makeup or dressed up

+1

This is a big one.

Also men either being super nice or super awkward with you

[Anonymous]

Many men have told me I am beautiful. I did not realize it was the truth until my 40s. I had low self-esteem when I was younger. People have asked me if I have modeled.

[Anonymous]

Married women smile at me everywhere.

[Anonymous]

-Also men either being super nice or super awkward with you
+1
Exception:
Computer engineering men only in it because they have no girlfriend or muscles are meaner to attractive women. Then it is excused with, I quote "They're anticipating the rejection".

[Anonymous]

I don't understand this question. There are fairly evident societal indications of what constitutes 'attractive'. And attractiveness is subjective so the answer for everyone will be a little different. But generally,

- Slim
- Athletic body types for men, curvy body types for women
- Symmetrical Face
- Interesting eyes
- Defined/interesting facial structure (like high cheekbones) that is not so interesting as to tip into weird
- Healthy looking hair
- Clean and dressed in clothing that fits
- Youth

Most of us are somewhere in the middle. I know I'm there, probably like a solid 6. Because I know I have some of these things and not as many of the other things. When I was in my 20s I was maybe closer to a 7 but I was chubby. I have beautiful eyes and large boobs that made it easy enough to find someone.

I'm never the hottest girl in the room but always approachable. I feel like most people are capable of seeing their own attractiveness but will likely usually be harsher than the average person out in public will be.

[Anonymous]

It basically boils down to people helping me and doing favors for me and giving me things for free. I never really wait in line, get coffee and drinks for free, get comped dinner and tickets to shows. I get out of paying for parking and tickets.

It's strangers so it's not like they know me beyond a superficial level. One guy said I had good energy and made his day bright, which was sweet. But it really comes down to being pleasant and attractive

[Anonymous]

I wasn’t “attractive” until my late 30’s! In my 20’s I was very corporate career focused and I dressed like it because I looked very young. I was pretty but admittedly frumpy but somehow met a guy who saw through that. In my early 30’s I had three kids in four years so you can guess how I looked! In my late 30’s I quit the corporate world to start my own business and I really decided to change my wardrobe, hair and get fitter with, no surprise, great support from my husband. For the first time ever I noticed I was getting a good deal of attention from men other than my husband which was pretty ego building. My husband had always been very “attentive” and he took it to a whole new level which was and continues to be very nice. I’m now 47 and I still look good but I know I’m a bit past my prime but I’m ok with it.

[Anonymous]

Male new poster here - my wife is not gorgeous but she is very pretty in a very wholesome way. But, she has an amazing, outgoing personality and she is a phenomenal listener whom people adore so it’s not just me. I swear people will do things for her that they won’t do for others because she is so likable. To me that is the definition of attractive. It’s not just about looks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i'm a guy here is how it goes

super hot (9-10s) - everyone and their brother knows they are hot. they don't need to second guess anything about their looks

attractive (7-8s) - will get compliments on a regular basis, asked out very often, lot of boys chasing them. the 7s and 8s get the most attention from most guys. Because they are hot but not unattainable hot like the 9s and 10s , so all you girls who think you are super hot just because you are getting a ton of attention doesn't make you drop dead beautiful. it makes you .... uhm .. above average not much more

f'ckable (average) is 5s- 6s. you will still get plenty of guys interested because let's be honest. most people are average and half are below average. depending on your other traits you might be marriage material or FWB material. but girls in this category are the ones who keep hoping for the prince charming thinking that because they get some attention they are a 7 or 8 even though they are clearly not. women in this category also get pumped and dumped a lot but not quite as much as the next category.

finally ok if you are drunk (3s, 4s) .. name says it all. most guys are not interested but will still bang you if they are drunk enough. so you will get attention but mostly at bars, clubs and from horny desperate guys

But how do you know YOU are attractive, PP?