How do you filter your children’s social circle?

[Anonymous]

We have had children over that have explosive anger issues and become violent. They don't get invited back and are sent home. I don't care if they are 3 or 4. It was beyond normal tantrums.

We also don't allow the kids who are mean to the siblings when they are at our home. As in, one girl stomped on the 4yo fingers on the playset. Repeatedly. She was 8-9, maybe. Old enough to know better. She had a mean streak and was very sneaky and lied about a lot of things.

I know another PP was eye rolling about someone not wanting obnoxious and rude children over but seriously, some kids really are a handful and I don't want to deal with it. I don't need them destroying my house, going through my bedroom, harassing the animals, etc.

Being a guest is privilege so if the child requires a handler within arms-reach at all times when nobody else does then they don't get an invite to our home. I don't particularly want my kid picking up that behavior or having it normalized either.

[Anonymous]

My ds’s close friend’s parents have been filtering my ds out throughout the pandemic. Little things, but we’ve noticed. In the end, the kids still adore each other and I see the way they interact at school pick up and know that they are still great friends. My ds tells me they find each other in the middle of the school day and have chit chats in the bathroom (they are in separate classes and the schools recesses are segregated due to covid). For whatever reason the parents have decided they don’t want to have ds around outside of school (but other kids are welcome to have play dates I’ve seen and heard).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ds’s close friend’s parents have been filtering my ds out throughout the pandemic. Little things, but we’ve noticed. In the end, the kids still adore each other and I see the way they interact at school pick up and know that they are still great friends. My ds tells me they find each other in the middle of the school day and have chit chats in the bathroom (they are in separate classes and the schools recesses are segregated due to covid). For whatever reason the parents have decided they don’t want to have ds around outside of school (but other kids are welcome to have play dates I’ve seen and heard).

could it be that your families were not aligned on Covid precautions? Or your child fits smth that PP describes above? Seems like and odd thing to do without a good underlying reason...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ds’s close friend’s parents have been filtering my ds out throughout the pandemic. Little things, but we’ve noticed. In the end, the kids still adore each other and I see the way they interact at school pick up and know that they are still great friends. My ds tells me they find each other in the middle of the school day and have chit chats in the bathroom (they are in separate classes and the schools recesses are segregated due to covid). For whatever reason the parents have decided they don’t want to have ds around outside of school (but other kids are welcome to have play dates I’ve seen and heard).

could it be that your families were not aligned on Covid precautions? Or your child fits smth that PP describes above? Seems like and odd thing to do without a good underlying reason...

Pp here. We were more covid cautious but no I don’t think it’s that. Honestly I don’t know. My DH and I have speculated as to the reasons because there was an abrupt shift and the parents are cordial with us but distant whereas not with others. Our ds is honestly quite quirky and a handful. He has friends. But he’s a handful. But we’re not unloading him on the parents. We’d gladly host. We’ve decided not to ask for the reason and just accept that this is how they want to proceed. Doesn’t seem worth it. we’ve extended a bunch of outdoor invitations and some they accepted but they don’t follow up. It’s ok. I think we’d be doing our ds more harm by making a thing of it than just going with the flow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ds’s close friend’s parents have been filtering my ds out throughout the pandemic. Little things, but we’ve noticed. In the end, the kids still adore each other and I see the way they interact at school pick up and know that they are still great friends. My ds tells me they find each other in the middle of the school day and have chit chats in the bathroom (they are in separate classes and the schools recesses are segregated due to covid). For whatever reason the parents have decided they don’t want to have ds around outside of school (but other kids are welcome to have play dates I’ve seen and heard).

You could be describing the situation my husband and I are wrestling with. Because of COVID we were limited in whom we could spend time with socially. It pretty much boiled down to two families that are part of our same daycare and elementary school. The daycare operated since last summer and kids were eating so, we figured any risk was already shared by virtue of the youngest kids going there. Our issue is with one of those two families.

The younger kids in one family have explosive behavioral issues. We weren't so clued in to at the beginning of COVID when we began hanging out with them, but, are very much aware now. We really like the parents, but, the youngest kids are a nightmare. Last time we hosted them at our house the youngest daughter started throwing our toys at me while the parents were out of the room--I asked her kindly to stop and told her we do not do that in our house (didn't feel like I could do anything more than verbal request to discipline someone else's kid) and she just ran away and grabbed more and kept throwing them at me. I didn't mention to the parents because they weren't present and I didn't want to seem like I was tattling on the daughter. Since then their daughter (almost 5 years old) seized on my daughter (one year younger) at a playground and wouldn't stop hitting her aggressively until an adult pulled her off. Their son who is the same age as our son has constant issues (hits, screams, breaks toys, slams hands/fingers in doors, etc) and uses not great language for a lower ed kid and has struggled non-stop in school with principals' office visits, etc.

In our opinion, the parents just try to bargain with and appease the kids, and throw their hands up in the air--we don't see much discipline happening. My DH is adamant that we cut the kids out. I feel bad because my son is very social and misses hanging out with friends, and social interactions are so limited and strained because of COVID, but, I also don't want my kids to think those behaviors are okay or acceptable and am also over having to hear their kids scream and be vigilant all the time because I don't trust them to not be aggressive. Any advice?

[Anonymous]

In elementary school, my son becomes friends with a kid before I meet the parents. I haven't felt the need to filter out anyone yet.

It's not like in toddler world when you make playdates with the families you get along with, and then hope the kids play well together.