How do you filter your children’s social circle?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nice kids who my kids play with well.

This. That's reallly all I care about. DS has friends with a wide variety of backgrounds. As long as the kids are nice and respectful, I don't really care about anything else. Even if the kid came from a not so great background, I would be happy to host the kid at my house.

+1. We live in a very wealthy area, where our 1.3M house makes us one of the less wealthy families. So, like someone else wrote, by those standards we've done a lot of filtering already (something that I kind of regret). That said, we haven't had reason friends. My daughter just turned 2 and she has a cute little group of friends. My daughter is very active, curious, and relatively adaptable/easy-going, which makes her a great play-date/friend as she models a lot of good behavior naturally. She doesn't have issues taking turns or sharing, she loves to hug, and is very verbal, creative, and dexterous. One of her friends is struggling with sharing (she throws toys at other kids instead of giving them toys when it's their turn). Her other good friend can be a little rough when playing (the "thrower" kid is the rough kid's neighbor and actually hid from the rough kid for a while when it was time for play dates, not exactly a ringing endorsement! However, this little girl has an older brother who can play roughly with her and just had a younger brother and I think may be struggling a bit with the latter). My daughter somehow manages to play well with both of these little girls and they both like her and rarely act out with her (they more so act out with each other). We could have just cut these kids off, but we monitor play dates and understand that they are still learning how to be respectful.

Due to the pandemic and our being relatively new to the area, we aren't amazing friends with any of my kid's friends parents. They are all super rich and relatively nice, but also seem somewhat humorless. That said, I would never try to cull my daughter's friend group just because I wouldn't choose their parents as my best friends.

[Anonymous]

^^OMG wow.

I look for kind children and parents, compatible values, down to earth.

[Anonymous]

When your kids are very young you do it by the children’s parents that you like and who share your morals and values. When the kids are old enough to play on their own with other kids, you filter out based on the friend and friends behavior - and a little bit still by the home life. Regardless of age, I don’t want my kids in some racist’s home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you look for in the family of children you’d let your children have play dates with?

People who aren't racist

[Anonymous]

What kind of a question is this? I want my children to play with nice kids who have nice parents. Preferably not anti-vaxxers or gun-toting maniacs, but it's hard to pick some of those people out of a lineup, so I go for "nice, seem normal".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nice kids who my kids play with well.

This. That's reallly all I care about. DS has friends with a wide variety of backgrounds. As long as the kids are nice and respectful, I don't really care about anything else. Even if the kid came from a not so great background, I would be happy to host the kid at my house.

+1. We live in a very wealthy area, where our 1.3M house makes us one of the less wealthy families. So, like someone else wrote, by those standards we've done a lot of filtering already (something that I kind of regret). That said, we haven't had reason friends. My daughter just turned 2 and she has a cute little group of friends. My daughter is very active, curious, and relatively adaptable/easy-going, which makes her a great play-date/friend as she models a lot of good behavior naturally. She doesn't have issues taking turns or sharing, she loves to hug, and is very verbal, creative, and dexterous. One of her friends is struggling with sharing (she throws toys at other kids instead of giving them toys when it's their turn). Her other good friend can be a little rough when playing (the "thrower" kid is the rough kid's neighbor and actually hid from the rough kid for a while when it was time for play dates, not exactly a ringing endorsement! However, this little girl has an older brother who can play roughly with her and just had a younger brother and I think may be struggling a bit with the latter). My daughter somehow manages to play well with both of these little girls and they both like her and rarely act out with her (they more so act out with each other). We could have just cut these kids off, but we monitor play dates and understand that they are still learning how to be respectful.

Due to the pandemic and our being relatively new to the area, we aren't amazing friends with any of my kid's friends parents. They are all super rich and relatively nice, but also seem somewhat humorless. That said, I would never try to cull my daughter's friend group just because I wouldn't choose their parents as my best friends.

Holy shit. Come back when you have a second kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nice kids who my kids play with well.

This. That's reallly all I care about. DS has friends with a wide variety of backgrounds. As long as the kids are nice and respectful, I don't really care about anything else. Even if the kid came from a not so great background, I would be happy to host the kid at my house.

+1. We live in a very wealthy area, where our 1.3M house makes us one of the less wealthy families. So, like someone else wrote, by those standards we've done a lot of filtering already (something that I kind of regret). That said, we haven't had reason friends. My daughter just turned 2 and she has a cute little group of friends. My daughter is very active, curious, and relatively adaptable/easy-going, which makes her a great play-date/friend as she models a lot of good behavior naturally. She doesn't have issues taking turns or sharing, she loves to hug, and is very verbal, creative, and dexterous. One of her friends is struggling with sharing (she throws toys at other kids instead of giving them toys when it's their turn). Her other good friend can be a little rough when playing (the "thrower" kid is the rough kid's neighbor and actually hid from the rough kid for a while when it was time for play dates, not exactly a ringing endorsement! However, this little girl has an older brother who can play roughly with her and just had a younger brother and I think may be struggling a bit with the latter). My daughter somehow manages to play well with both of these little girls and they both like her and rarely act out with her (they more so act out with each other). We could have just cut these kids off, but we monitor play dates and understand that they are still learning how to be respectful.

Due to the pandemic and our being relatively new to the area, we aren't amazing friends with any of my kid's friends parents. They are all super rich and relatively nice, but also seem somewhat humorless. That said, I would never try to cull my daughter's friend group just because I wouldn't choose their parents as my best friends.

Holy shit. Come back when you have a second kid.

Lol, +1. I was laughing reading this. Kids don’t even really interact at age 2!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What a gross, weird question. I let my kids play with any kid who is kind, respectful, and who they want to play with. If I don't care for the parents, I invite the kids for drop-off playdates at our home or meet up somewhere with an escape plan and good entertainment. I do not "filter" their social circle.

You are literally filtering your child’s social circle by using these restrictions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What a gross, weird question. I let my kids play with any kid who is kind, respectful, and who they want to play with. If I don't care for the parents, I invite the kids for drop-off playdates at our home or meet up somewhere with an escape plan and good entertainment. I do not "filter" their social circle.

You are literally filtering your child’s social circle by using these restrictions.

And honestly kids who are not kind and respectful are often the ones most in need of kindness themselves.

[Anonymous]

Sent DC to catholic school in an affluent area. Can’t filter more than that. And I’m not saying the filter was altogether healthy for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you look for in the family of children you’d let your children have play dates with?

Money, a beautiful mansion

A yacht; a private plane; a stable full of purebred horses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nice kids who my kids play with well.

This. That's reallly all I care about. DS has friends with a wide variety of backgrounds. As long as the kids are nice and respectful, I don't really care about anything else. Even if the kid came from a not so great background, I would be happy to host the kid at my house.

+1. We live in a very wealthy area, where our 1.3M house makes us one of the less wealthy families. So, like someone else wrote, by those standards we've done a lot of filtering already (something that I kind of regret). That said, we haven't had reason friends. My daughter just turned 2 and she has a cute little group of friends. My daughter is very active, curious, and relatively adaptable/easy-going, which makes her a great play-date/friend as she models a lot of good behavior naturally. She doesn't have issues taking turns or sharing, she loves to hug, and is very verbal, creative, and dexterous. One of her friends is struggling with sharing (she throws toys at other kids instead of giving them toys when it's their turn). Her other good friend can be a little rough when playing (the "thrower" kid is the rough kid's neighbor and actually hid from the rough kid for a while when it was time for play dates, not exactly a ringing endorsement! However, this little girl has an older brother who can play roughly with her and just had a younger brother and I think may be struggling a bit with the latter). My daughter somehow manages to play well with both of these little girls and they both like her and rarely act out with her (they more so act out with each other). We could have just cut these kids off, but we monitor play dates and understand that they are still learning how to be respectful.

Due to the pandemic and our being relatively new to the area, we aren't amazing friends with any of my kid's friends parents. They are all super rich and relatively nice, but also seem somewhat humorless. That said, I would never try to cull my daughter's friend group just because I wouldn't choose their parents as my best friends.

Holy shit.
Come back when you get a life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone, obviously, filters this by picking out their neighborhood and school.

I go all over to playgrounds, and I encourage them to make friends wherever. When they do, we arrange play dates, even if it means driving 30-45 minutes to get there each time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What a gross, weird question. I let my kids play with any kid who is kind, respectful, and who they want to play with. If I don't care for the parents, I invite the kids for drop-off playdates at our home or meet up somewhere with an escape plan and good entertainment. I do not "filter" their social circle.

You are literally filtering your child’s social circle by using these restrictions.

And honestly kids who are not kind and respectful are often the ones most in need of kindness themselves.

That may be true, but I am wary of having my kid around them.

For instance, my preschool aged child came home from school and mentioned one of his classmates wanted to "squish a bird". You better believe that is a huge red flag for some kind of trouble in his home or behavioral issue, and I absolutely want to protect my kid from that. No playdate with that family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What a gross, weird question. I let my kids play with any kid who is kind, respectful, and who they want to play with. If I don't care for the parents, I invite the kids for drop-off playdates at our home or meet up somewhere with an escape plan and good entertainment. I do not "filter" their social circle.

You are literally filtering your child’s social circle by using these restrictions.

And honestly kids who are not kind and respectful are often the ones most in need of kindness themselves.

That may be true, but I am wary of having my kid around them.

For instance, my preschool aged child came home from school and mentioned one of his classmates wanted to "squish a bird". You better believe that is a huge red flag for some kind of trouble in his home or behavioral issue, and I absolutely want to protect my kid from that. No playdate with that family.

Eh… I get where you are coming from, but I would meet the kid and get to know him a bit before judging too quickly. You don’t want to teach your kid to be close minded and what are you going to do if your kid says or does something weird one day? Preschoolers are random and it could mean absolutely nothing. I would even go so far as to say that it’s normal for them to explore many things they don’t understand at that age, including death and power. If the kid was 7 or 8 and saying that stuff that is a bit weirder but could still mean any number of things.