Why/how do you date people you're not attracted to?

[Anonymous]

Money

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was going to turn down the date as there is no attraction at all, nada, zero. But he was so polite, and an all round nice guy at the office. Not even sure why I accepted to go on a date.

24 years later we are still married and it is the best decision I made in my life. Surprisingly find him more attractive now than ever.

From “nada, zero” to something? Was he desperate? Were you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This doesn't really make sense, at least in the younger ages.

"Straight men will not date women they don't want to bang."

Don't 20-something hetero men want to have sex with just about any half-decent looking woman the come across?

Actually, it’s about any quarter-decent looking woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because 80% of women are attracted only to the top 20% of men. Simple math shows that majority of women need to date a man she is not attracted to.

Sing it, sister.
Not to mention, half of those top 20% are gay.

This made me laugh because there is some truth in it. At least three of the men I have become friends with in the past year and found physically attractive are gay, though in no case was it immediately apparent as they all present as very hetero.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This doesn't really make sense, at least in the younger ages.

"Straight men will not date women they don't want to bang."

Don't 20-something hetero men want to have sex with just about any half-decent looking woman the come across?

But they certainly bang women they don’t want to date

Knew a super stud from my time in the Army. Dude was model good looking and super charismatic. Always had pretty young things as GF's but we also knew that he was banging out some real dogs on the regular. He was just a horn dog and after a few beers would take any woman he came across. Dude had no standards and he got a lot of ass.

Yep. I know some married men with hot wives that will bang some real dogs on the side. Super horn dogs. It’s almost like the less attractive desperate ones are charity f@@cks.

[Anonymous]

Women are pressured by friends, family, the men themselves, and societal messages to date and continue dating men they aren't attracted to because the men are "nice" or "kind" or make a lot of money. Whatever it is, the messages aren't aimed at helping a woman to find the right guy to whom she is attracted, but rather to get her married and settled down and to satisfy the man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women are pressured by friends, family, the men themselves, and societal messages to date and continue dating men they aren't attracted to because the men are "nice" or "kind" or make a lot of money. Whatever it is, the messages aren't aimed at helping a woman to find the right guy to whom she is attracted, but rather to get her married and settled down and to satisfy the man.

Women can't make up their minds. Blaming society is just a convenient excuse. Everyone is under pressure from society, media, politics, family...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Make it make sense. I genuinely don't know how people do it.

Depends on your long you do it. I can see giving someone a chance if the spark isn't instant and if you don't have any other options at the moment (or if the guy is rich/powerful ) Now, doing that for months or years on end, that I don't understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The one time I did is because I listened to other people instead of my gut. I thought maybe I should give him a chance, that I was too picky etc. It was one of my biggest mistakes.

Ditto. Other people told me that for longterm relationships, like marriage, this is less important. That the best one often started off as solid friendships.

It was the only time I slept with someone that I was not passionate about. The experience was totally NOT memorable. It left me quite vulnerable to cheating (which is not in my nature). I also thought, if I feel like this now, after dating for a few months, how will I feel after years of marriage.

He wound up feeling sexually rejected and I kind of pitied him. It was not a good look.

I decided I would rather have several, intense romantic relationships that I would remember throughout my life, rather than one long mundane relationship.

[Anonymous]

If you are dating someone only because they are rich and can buy you things/experiences, you are on the spectrum of prostitution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because women especially are told not to be "shallow" and will be alone forever if they are "too picky."

I would have rather been alone, so I was mostly single until I met my husband, but most of my friends who were always in relationships dated guys they weren't attracted to to "give him a chance" and see if they "became attracted due to his personality." Never worked out.

I am not doubting but sincerely curious: who is giving that advice. I would never tell my daughter that so want to know where that message comes from.

A few posts back, someone said that because most women are only attracted to the top 20% of men, women should settle.

My whole life, if I wasn’t interested in a guy because I wasn’t attracted, I’d hear tons of “poor guy!” and “but he’s SUCH a good guy!”

I heard this all of the time. As if they were made nervous by my single status (which never bothered me). In retrospect, I think this is gender related.


But from whom? Your friends? Your parents?

Everyone. Friends, parents, acquaintances, strangers at parties.

I can’t even count the number of times a friend, family member, or acquaintance has tried to set me up with a guy and started with “I know he’s not physically your type, but he’s such a great guy....” Even now my sister is trying to set me up with her boss who is almost 20 years older than me (!!) but he’s “sooooo nice”

I remember reading a book about dating for teenage girls when I was maybe 13/14. One of the key pieces of advice was to always give a guy a second date, even if you weren’t attracted to him.

[Anonymous]

I don’t date anyone I’m not attracted to. I’m 40 with one child a lot of laughs and sexxxaaaayyy. I share my time with a man that is the same. Well, he is a tad bit less silly than me at times.

Why would you date someone you’re not attracted to?!?! It’s lowering yourself into a fresh grave. Buried alive. No. That path has a dead end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a female issue. Straight men will not date women they don't want to bang.

I am a straight woman and if I can’t picture kissing a guy then I don’t date him,

Same.

When she would see a young pretty woman with an old rich man, she would say, "The night is long."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a female issue. Straight men will not date women they don't want to bang.

I am a straight woman and if I can’t picture kissing a guy then I don’t date him,

Same.

When she would see a young pretty woman with an old rich man, she would say, "The night is long."

And dark, and full of terrors. LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was going to turn down the date as there is no attraction at all, nada, zero. But he was so polite, and an all round nice guy at the office. Not even sure why I accepted to go on a date.

24 years later we are still married and it is the best decision I made in my life. Surprisingly find him more attractive now than ever.

I had a rule in my own mind that I would never date anyone who was divorced but decided to 'hang out' with a guy anyway, bearing in mind that I would never be serious about someone like him. We are now married
and have three children. THe 'rules' seem like a really good idea at the time, but lots of times they are things you make up in your own mind that don't really hold up in the real world.

I think there's also a difference between 'he's not my type/I'm not attracted to him' vs. finding someone repulsive. I think it's possible to find yourself attracted to someone who was not initially your type, but probably impossible to get
over bigger issues like baldness, fatness, etc.