Why/how do you date people you're not attracted to?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because women especially are told not to be "shallow" and will be alone forever if they are "too picky."

I would have rather been alone, so I was mostly single until I met my husband, but most of my friends who were always in relationships dated guys they weren't attracted to to "give him a chance" and see if they "became attracted due to his personality." Never worked out.

I am not doubting but sincerely curious: who is giving that advice. I would never tell my daughter that so want to know where that message comes from.

[Anonymous]

Have you read the 36 questions article in the nytimes modern love section ? Just look into their eyes for a few minutes and ask some questions and it’s love

[Anonymous]

If you like their personality why not give them a chance?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are other things I like about them. They are funny or kind or bring out parts of me that are funnier and better than I normally am.

Plus, as someone else said, most men aren’t really that attractive and don’t put much effort into being more attractive. If you are only willing to date really good-looking, charismatic guys, then you are going to seriously limit your dating pool. Plus, most of those guys are boring one on one.

I guess that’s the why part. I’m not sure that I understand the “how” question.

This, plus the really good looking guys tend to be really into themselves and don't make great long term partners

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because women especially are told not to be "shallow" and will be alone forever if they are "too picky."

I would have rather been alone, so I was mostly single until I met my husband, but most of my friends who were always in relationships dated guys they weren't attracted to to "give him a chance" and see if they "became attracted due to his personality." Never worked out.

I am not doubting but sincerely curious: who is giving that advice. I would never tell my daughter that so want to know where that message comes from.

A few posts back, someone said that because most women are only attracted to the top 20% of men, women should settle.

My whole life, if I wasn’t interested in a guy because I wasn’t attracted, I’d hear tons of “poor guy!” and “but he’s SUCH a good guy!”

[Anonymous]

In my experience more attractive and charismatic men are not boring one on one. They're used to talking to women all the time and know how to be interesting and listen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because women especially are told not to be "shallow" and will be alone forever if they are "too picky."

I would have rather been alone, so I was mostly single until I met my husband, but most of my friends who were always in relationships dated guys they weren't attracted to to "give him a chance" and see if they "became attracted due to his personality." Never worked out.

I am not doubting but sincerely curious: who is giving that advice. I would never tell my daughter that so want to know where that message comes from.

A few posts back, someone said that because most women are only attracted to the top 20% of men, women should settle.

My whole life, if I wasn’t interested in a guy because I wasn’t attracted, I’d hear tons of “poor guy!” and “but he’s SUCH a good guy!”

But from whom? Your friends? Your parents?

[Anonymous]

OP maybe attraction isn't at the top of their list. Attraction doesn't usually last for the long haul. You won't look the same when you're in your 50's, nor will sex be the same. Some people are realistic and pick partners based on more important things. Why those marriages last.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a female issue. Straight men will not date women they don't want to bang.

+1,000
There are more polite ways of saying it, but this is completely true. I had a very active dating life in my 20's and 30's and I never dated a woman to whom I was not physically attracted, and I can't imagine why any man would. I would feel like I was wasting my own time and hers. I find it odd that a woman would do so either, but apparently many do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because women especially are told not to be "shallow" and will be alone forever if they are "too picky."

I would have rather been alone, so I was mostly single until I met my husband, but most of my friends who were always in relationships dated guys they weren't attracted to to "give him a chance" and see if they "became attracted due to his personality." Never worked out.

I am not doubting but sincerely curious: who is giving that advice. I would never tell my daughter that so want to know where that message comes from.

A few posts back, someone said that because most women are only attracted to the top 20% of men, women should settle.

My whole life, if I wasn’t interested in a guy because I wasn’t attracted, I’d hear tons of “poor guy!” and “but he’s SUCH a good guy!”

But from whom? Your friends? Your parents?

Everyone. Friends, parents, acquaintances, strangers at parties.

I can’t even count the number of times a friend, family member, or acquaintance has tried to set me up with a guy and started with “I know he’s not physically your type, but he’s such a great guy....” Even now my sister is trying to set me up with her boss who is almost 20 years older than me (!!) but he’s “sooooo nice”

I remember reading a book about dating for teenage girls when I was maybe 13/14. One of the key pieces of advice was to always give a guy a second date, even if you weren’t attracted to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because women especially are told not to be "shallow" and will be alone forever if they are "too picky."

I would have rather been alone, so I was mostly single until I met my husband, but most of my friends who were always in relationships dated guys they weren't attracted to to "give him a chance" and see if they "became attracted due to his personality." Never worked out.

I am not doubting but sincerely curious: who is giving that advice. I would never tell my daughter that so want to know where that message comes from.

A few posts back, someone said that because most women are only attracted to the top 20% of men, women should settle.

My whole life, if I wasn’t interested in a guy because I wasn’t attracted, I’d hear tons of “poor guy!” and “but he’s SUCH a good guy!”

But from whom? Your friends? Your parents?

Everyone. Friends, parents, acquaintances, strangers at parties.

I can’t even count the number of times a friend, family member, or acquaintance has tried to set me up with a guy and started with “I know he’s not physically your type, but he’s such a great guy....” Even now my sister is trying to set me up with her boss who is almost 20 years older than me (!!) but he’s “sooooo nice”

I remember reading a book about dating for teenage girls when I was maybe 13/14. One of the key pieces of advice was to always give a guy a second date, even if you weren’t attracted to him.

Ugh. Amazing that women give that advice to other women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Affair. Just sex

That’s not dating though. You don’t bring them out in public or see them outside the bedroom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because women especially are told not to be "shallow" and will be alone forever if they are "too picky."

I would have rather been alone, so I was mostly single until I met my husband, but most of my friends who were always in relationships dated guys they weren't attracted to to "give him a chance" and see if they "became attracted due to his personality." Never worked out.

I am not doubting but sincerely curious: who is giving that advice. I would never tell my daughter that so want to know where that message comes from.

Moreover I'd be so dissapointed in my daughter if she did what 'she was told'

Raise better daughters

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because 80% of women are attracted only to the top 20% of men. Simple math shows that majority of women need to date a man she is not attracted to.

You again!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because 80% of women are attracted only to the top 20% of men. Simple math shows that majority of women need to date a man she is not attracted to.

Sing it, sister.
Not to mention, half of those top 20% are gay.