"I won't date someone whose parents are divorced"

[Anonymous]

My parents stayed together yet somehow I still managed to get divorced myself. Doesn't seem to correlate.....

[Anonymous]

My parents are divorced (several times each) and both sets of grandparents were divorced too. My childhood was messed up. I (think) I came out of it fairly normal but barely have relationship with parents/extended family due to all the dysfunction.

Luckily DH married me. We have a great marriage going on 15 yrs. But I get what your fiancé has this opinion and frankly I think it is true in many cases.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yea there is fallacy in his logic. He is using no divorce as a crutch to avoid the risk of a broken marriage.

The truth is that we are all vulnerable to the risk of being hurt in marriage.

There are plenty of broken people from married homes, and whole people from divorced homes. And vice versa.

I think this is a stupid rule tbh. But to each their own.

Exactly. Marriage is very hard work, divorced parents or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the child of an alcoholic but I am not neither an alcoholic nor addicted to any other substances. I am a child of divorce but have been with the same person for over 20 years. My spouse comes from a ‘intact’ family pushing 50 years married and is emotionally stunted and verbally abusive. Never judge a book by its cover.

You picked him so you might have picked up issues from your parents' disfunction.

[Anonymous]

Seems like a lofty goal. Not a horrible idea, but also not realistic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the child of an alcoholic but I am not neither an alcoholic nor addicted to any other substances. I am a child of divorce but have been with the same person for over 20 years. My spouse comes from a ‘intact’ family pushing 50 years married and is emotionally stunted and verbally abusive. Never judge a book by its cover.

You picked him so you might have picked up issues from your parents' disfunction.

Way to spin that, wow!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents stayed together yet somehow I still managed to get divorced myself. Doesn't seem to correlate.....

My parents divorced, I have several friends and cousins whose parents divorced, all of us are now in stable marriages without plans to divorce. I also don’t see a correlation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I felt that way when I starting dating with an eye towards a marriage and family. I never would have said it out loud though

Haha. Same.

[Anonymous]

You don’t have to agree with it.

[Anonymous]

When my DC is dating someone I ask (and hopefully it is natural to do so?) - what do the parents do? And Are they still together? If I’m asking I guess it does matter to me. I’d prefer if the parents were still married, as I think it speaks to the values with which a person was raised (and I’m saying this dully aware of the hardships that I know many family and friends have had to resolve or overcome in order to stay in their marriages)

[Anonymous]

misery loves company

[Anonymous]

My in laws felt like this when I was dating my now husband. 20 years on and they are still as ill-suited and irritable with each other as ever and we’re very happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the child of an alcoholic but I am not neither an alcoholic nor addicted to any other substances. I am a child of divorce but have been with the same person for over 20 years. My spouse comes from a ‘intact’ family pushing 50 years married and is emotionally stunted and verbally abusive. Never judge a book by its cover.

You picked him so you might have picked up issues from your parents' disfunction.

Way to spin that, wow!

So his distinction from his intact family is now my fault too because of my parents divorce that happened before I even remember them together. ? Ok then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My in laws felt like this when I was dating my now husband. 20 years on and they are still as ill-suited and irritable with each other as ever and we’re very happy. [/quote

+1

I am the daughter of a college-educated single mom. Apparently, some family members questioned my husband’s choice of wife.

His parents cannot stand each other and that has been the case as long as I have known him (20 years).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When my DC is dating someone I ask (and hopefully it is natural to do so?) - what do the parents do? And Are they still together? If I’m asking I guess it does matter to me. I’d prefer if the parents were still married, as I think it speaks to the values with which a person was raised (and I’m saying this dully aware of the hardships that I know many family and friends have had to resolve or overcome in order to stay in their marriages)

Yes It could mean that they value staying in abusive relationships, or don't acknowledge that abuse happens in marriage, but they have stayed together.