"I won't date someone whose parents are divorced"

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't. My brother is engaged to a wonderful man who has to deal with multiple sets of parents/step-parents/step-siblings, and it's a freaking mess. It causes logistical and emotional problems. No thanks.

[Anonymous]

I would have dated someone from a divorced family but my standard for marrying them would have included how they dealt with the fallout of the divorce and the long term ramifications. Do they have good boundaries with their parents/stepparents, is every holiday going to be split three ways, are there blended family inheritance issues to contend with, etc. Someone with that clearly under control would have been a potential spouse but the bar would be high because so many divorced families have such messy, messy arrangements.

[Anonymous]

It’s the same as not dating someone who has a history of mental illness in their family.

[Anonymous]

So if a woman leaves her husband because the husband beat her, no one should marry her daughter?

[Anonymous]

A lot of you sound like Victorian schoolmarms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When my DC is dating someone I ask (and hopefully it is natural to do so?) - what do the parents do? And Are they still together? If I’m asking I guess it does matter to me. I’d prefer if the parents were still married, as I think it speaks to the values with which a person was raised (and I’m saying this dully aware of the hardships that I know many family and friends have had to resolve or overcome in order to stay in their marriages)

I think it matters more what kind of person your DC is dating, and what type of people their parents are, regardless of their marital status.

I’m the PP a few posts above with the single mom. Trust me, when my DH was on his deathbed, whether or not my parents were divorced never came up. What did come up was how I kept our household running (emotionally, logistically, and financially) while simultaneously managing my DH’s medical care. When the creek rises, your parent’s marital status is not a consideration. The person who helped me bail all of that water - that single mom that people were questioning before we got married. Don’t judge.

[Anonymous]

I feel it does make you more likely to. You definitely inherited some personality traits from both parents who agreed to give up on their marriage.

My parents have been together 50 yrs. My brother wanted to stay with his wife and go to therapy and work things out but she didn't want to. Even while having a toddler son. That woman was ice cold and she wasn't a Christian either. We are Latino Christians. She was of another race and religion.

My longest relationship was 7 yrs. Both our parents are still married. But my ex cheated and wasn't stable. He just wanted someone to marry so he met a fat chick whose into poly and as freedom loving as her divorced daddy is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't. My brother is engaged to a wonderful man who has to deal with multiple sets of parents/step-parents/step-siblings, and it's a freaking mess. It causes logistical and emotional problems. No thanks.

Ugh. True story. And then if they divorce again and again you have ex-step parents to try and keep up relationships with separately (if you were close with them).

[Anonymous]

It's a factor, but in my case it - thankfully was not a deciding factor. My wife's parents are divorced, and it is in fact a logistical and emotional mess. It makes her life harder, and my life harder.

So yes, it is a negative. But every person and every relationship has negatives. My wife is awesome and I love her and the positives outweigh the negatives by a wide margin. so thank goodness I did not let the negative of her divorced parents outweigh all the positives.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the fiance. We learn what we see every day. I felt the same when I met my husband 27 years ago and found out his parents had been married decades just like mine. My parens were married for 75 years. Long marriages signal stability, and a good example.

I would not have married anyone who came from a broken home (let's just call it what it is), either. Today you have a 50/50 chance of dating that, but a child of divorce would be a no-go for me and a giant red flag in terms of marriage. Nope.

[Anonymous]

What happens if your or his parents get divorced while you are married?

[Anonymous]

This is a dumb rule and it’s a red flag for rigid irrational thinking.
The better question is whether they have dealt with the sh-t from their family of Origen. The worst is the person from a miserable family that doesn’t realize how/why it’s dysfunctional because then they just import what they know into the marriage, sometimes without realizing it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel it does make you more likely to. You definitely inherited some personality traits from both parents who agreed to give up on their marriage.

My parents have been together 50 yrs. My brother wanted to stay with his wife and go to therapy and work things out but she didn't want to. Even while having a toddler son. That woman was ice cold and she wasn't a Christian either. We are Latino Christians. She was of another race and religion.

My longest relationship was 7 yrs. Both our parents are still married. But my ex cheated and wasn't stable. He just wanted someone to marry so he met a fat chick whose into poly and as freedom loving as her divorced daddy is.

Oh, hi, you are the scorned woman who keeps posting about being dumped for a heavier woman? You never mentioned your nasty judgemental personality before.

[Anonymous]

“Thank you, next”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't. My brother is engaged to a wonderful man who has to deal with multiple sets of parents/step-parents/step-siblings, and it's a freaking mess. It causes logistical and emotional problems. No thanks.

Ugh. True story. And then if they divorce again and again you have ex-step parents to try and keep up relationships with separately (if you were close with them).

+1. It is hard enough trying to spend holidays and vacations and whatnot fairly with my family's and DH's, and we don't have any of these more complex dynamics. It would definitely be a factor I'd weigh very seriously before committing to exclusive dating.