Is anyone else's kid ignoring all the onboarding info?

[Anonymous]

It also depends upon the school. My DD is going to a SLAC and their housing forms aren't due until the end of May and it doesn't matter when you get them in as long as they are done by that date. Jumping in and getting the forms done the first day is great but it doesn't change the housing assignment because they do all of that at once when everyone is done. Students are all required to live on campus and about 80% or more use the college to be matched with a roommate so it's not a stressful thing.

Re classes I think they're allowed to choose one class over the summer and it's usually a freshman seminar. All others are selected with your advisor during in-person orientation in August.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mine is in the same place, and I suspect the previous posters suggesting your child is not ready for college don't have older teens. They will get crummy housing and not their first choice of classes, and hopefully, they'll learn. It's ok and will be ok. Promise.

Without prompting my senior DS has:

--Signed up for a 2-day orientation. He asked about our vacation dates, scheduled it, and took the days off work since it's all day. I have no idea what date it is, and he told me he has prereqs for it that he needs to do

--Found a roommate on IG and applied for housing. We didn't talk about cost because he wanted a hall dorm so he doesn't have to clean a bathroom, so I assume it's the cheapest.

--Been coordinating with friends who are going to school to compare notes and ask questions.

--Forwarded me a payment plan email. I did say earlier that I needed all financial info promptly.

He's told me all of this. I did ask him to look up AP credits and said that I was concerned that he wouldn't have graduate in 4 years, prompting it to cost more. He got annoyed, said he would graduate in 4 years, and that he would handle it (i.e. the details of AP). That's been the extent of my involvement, for comparison's sake.

[Anonymous]

My teenagers hardly ever check email and never have done anything with Facebook— the horror! This seems normal to me. They know everything on Instagram and some apps. My son checks his college portal occasionally, and he hasn’t missed anything important. Maybe some colleges are very high maintenance, but his isn’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine is in the same place, and I suspect the previous posters suggesting your child is not ready for college don't have older teens. They will get crummy housing and not their first choice of classes, and hopefully, they'll learn. It's ok and will be ok. Promise.

Without prompting my senior DS has:

--Signed up for a 2-day orientation. He asked about our vacation dates, scheduled it, and took the days off work since it's all day. I have no idea what date it is, and he told me he has prereqs for it that he needs to do

--Found a roommate on IG and applied for housing. We didn't talk about cost because he wanted a hall dorm so he doesn't have to clean a bathroom, so I assume it's the cheapest.

--Been coordinating with friends who are going to school to compare notes and ask questions.

--Forwarded me a payment plan email. I did say earlier that I needed all financial info promptly.

He's told me all of this. I did ask him to look up AP credits and said that I was concerned that he wouldn't have graduate in 4 years, prompting it to cost more. He got annoyed, said he would graduate in 4 years, and that he would handle it (i.e. the details of AP). That's been the extent of my involvement, for comparison's sake.

Your kid sounds great. You sound a little annoying (this list, e.g.).

-A mom of a kid who is mostly together, but sorta still not back to fighting form after months of horizontal inertia. Fingers crossed she'll pop up and

-- start
-- doing
-- things
-- like
-- this!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Maybe sign her up for an executive function crash course this summer?

NP, but my senior with ADD and executive function deficits is flailing right now. Yes, there’s anxiety to boot.

Does anyone know of an “executive function crash course” that might be available for college-bound kids? My kid has a summer job for six weeks, but it’s not full-time, so she has some flexibility. Would be grateful for any recs!

My kids college had a 1 credit P/F EF class for new students. He took that and it helped a lot on the academic side. But, the first semester, he still missed advising and registration for second semester and panicked. I gave him some general advice about checking for pre-Reps and balancing a class load and pointed him towards a computer. He ended up in a math that was too high for him and had to drop, and with too much lab science and an 8 am class. Advising for next semester starts next week. I know because it is literally circled in red on the calendar.

It’s a lot. My kids are ADHD and fairly self aware. So, I would just ask them if they knew they were in a hole? And if so, why were they putting it off— anxiety, overwhelmed, whatever. Then you tell them to buy a planner and sit there while THEY go through email by email and enter things.

[Anonymous]

Consider, “Next Stop College,” offered by Thinking Organized in Bethesda, MD. It is a summer program for kids who are about to start college, and are poor self-organizers.

[Anonymous]

I appreciate that DD’s college, a SLAC, sent out an update to students and designated contacts that provides a high level overview of what is happening and when things are due.

I anticipate that this DD, like her sister before her, will manage most of this just fine. But it is good to have the schedule and there are a few things that we learned last time around. For example, DD scheduled the needed physical but we all assumed it would be similar to high school. Didn’t realize until the last minute that she needed TB screening and that’s a little more complicated. No way would she have known to look for that.

We will be spot checking for this type of gotcha second time around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine is in the same place, and I suspect the previous posters suggesting your child is not ready for college don't have older teens. They will get crummy housing and not their first choice of classes, and hopefully, they'll learn. It's ok and will be ok. Promise.

Without prompting my senior DS has:

--Signed up for a 2-day orientation. He asked about our vacation dates, scheduled it, and took the days off work since it's all day. I have no idea what date it is, and he told me he has prereqs for it that he needs to do

--Found a roommate on IG and applied for housing. We didn't talk about cost because he wanted a hall dorm so he doesn't have to clean a bathroom, so I assume it's the cheapest.

--Been coordinating with friends who are going to school to compare notes and ask questions.

--Forwarded me a payment plan email. I did say earlier that I needed all financial info promptly.

He's told me all of this. I did ask him to look up AP credits and said that I was concerned that he wouldn't have graduate in 4 years, prompting it to cost more. He got annoyed, said he would graduate in 4 years, and that he would handle it (i.e. the details of AP). That's been the extent of my involvement, for comparison's sake.

Your kid sounds great. You sound a little annoying (this list, e.g.).

-A mom of a kid who is mostly together, but sorta still not back to fighting form after months of horizontal inertia. Fingers crossed she'll pop up and

-- start
-- doing
-- things
-- like
-- this!

I guess it just proves you can have a great kid even when you're annoying! It's not easy to take a backseat, but it's good for both of us. I am kinda proud of both of us because I don't want to be the parent who is all up in my kid's email. I have been working over the last few years to make a life that's focused on me as my kids are launching.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am in the parent group for FSU. There are multiple posts from kids who didn’t sign up for orientation as they were told to, and the university rescinded admission. Parents appealed and it was too bad, so sad.

Yup. This did happen to an acquaintance of ours. They didn’t take the deadline seriously and now the son is going to community college in the fall. He’s devastated. Hard lesson to learn.

Wow! Seems incredibly harsh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am in the parent group for FSU. There are multiple posts from kids who didn’t sign up for orientation as they were told to, and the university rescinded admission. Parents appealed and it was too bad, so sad.

Yup. This did happen to an acquaintance of ours. They didn’t take the deadline seriously and now the son is going to community college in the fall. He’s devastated. Hard lesson to learn.

Wow! Seems incredibly harsh.

Real life is incredibly harsh.

I would remind them a few times OP, and then let natural consequences take effect. May save you lots of money if they have to go to community college. You may want to point this out to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine is in the same place, and I suspect the previous posters suggesting your child is not ready for college don't have older teens. They will get crummy housing and not their first choice of classes, and hopefully, they'll learn. It's ok and will be ok. Promise.

Without prompting my senior DS has:

--Signed up for a 2-day orientation. He asked about our vacation dates, scheduled it, and took the days off work since it's all day. I have no idea what date it is, and he told me he has prereqs for it that he needs to do

--Found a roommate on IG and applied for housing. We didn't talk about cost because he wanted a hall dorm so he doesn't have to clean a bathroom, so I assume it's the cheapest.

--Been coordinating with friends who are going to school to compare notes and ask questions.

--Forwarded me a payment plan email. I did say earlier that I needed all financial info promptly.

He's told me all of this. I did ask him to look up AP credits and said that I was concerned that he wouldn't have graduate in 4 years, prompting it to cost more. He got annoyed, said he would graduate in 4 years, and that he would handle it (i.e. the details of AP). That's been the extent of my involvement, for comparison's sake.

Lucky you.

I have two kids. My younger is still 14, but already sounds exactly like your senior. Self-motivated, mature, independent, on task, and a do-er.

My heading-to-college kid (same parents, same upbringing) has ADD, depression, and anxiety, and sounds more like OP's kid. We are necessarily more involved.

But you keep patting yourself on the back, PP.

[Anonymous]

My kids never did that stuff on their own. I checked their email, created todo lists and fostered them through the process.

One is on track to graduate and by junior year seemed to have figured it all out,

My younger one is a sophomore and figuring it out.

No biggie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am in the parent group for FSU. There are multiple posts from kids who didn’t sign up for orientation as they were told to, and the university rescinded admission. Parents appealed and it was too bad, so sad.

Yup. This did happen to an acquaintance of ours. They didn’t take the deadline seriously and now the son is going to community college in the fall. He’s devastated. Hard lesson to learn.

Wow! Seems incredibly harsh.

Real life is incredibly harsh.

I would remind them a few times OP, and then let natural consequences take effect. May save you lots of money if they have to go to community college. You may want to point this out to them.

No don’t do this^^

Just help them FFS.

[Anonymous]

OP, my HS senior is the same way. I think for him it’s being overwhelmed right now with AP exams, he’s playing two sports, has a PT job, tends to procrastinate anyway with things like this, and add in a dash of anxiety about college.

I know I’m going to have to sit him down soon and guide him through it when we can carve out time.

You aren’t alone!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine is in the same place, and I suspect the previous posters suggesting your child is not ready for college don't have older teens. They will get crummy housing and not their first choice of classes, and hopefully, they'll learn. It's ok and will be ok. Promise.

Without prompting my senior DS has:

--Signed up for a 2-day orientation. He asked about our vacation dates, scheduled it, and took the days off work since it's all day. I have no idea what date it is, and he told me he has prereqs for it that he needs to do

--Found a roommate on IG and applied for housing. We didn't talk about cost because he wanted a hall dorm so he doesn't have to clean a bathroom, so I assume it's the cheapest.

--Been coordinating with friends who are going to school to compare notes and ask questions.

--Forwarded me a payment plan email. I did say earlier that I needed all financial info promptly.

He's told me all of this. I did ask him to look up AP credits and said that I was concerned that he wouldn't have graduate in 4 years, prompting it to cost more. He got annoyed, said he would graduate in 4 years, and that he would handle it (i.e. the details of AP). That's been the extent of my involvement, for comparison's sake.

Lucky you.

I have two kids. My younger is still 14, but already sounds exactly like your senior. Self-motivated, mature, independent, on task, and a do-er.

My heading-to-college kid (same parents, same upbringing) has ADD, depression, and anxiety, and sounds more like OP's kid. We are necessarily more involved.

But you keep patting yourself on the back, PP.

I did admit upthread, that while my post was annoyingly self congratulatory, it was a result of a lot of effort on my part and his. I have ADD and anxiety, and have had depression, so my inclination was to helicopter. Taking control of your kid’s email and tasks will never help them. When I have bad anxiety or am depressed my DH doesn’t take over my email. There are other better ways to support me than to micromanage my life. If it’s a serious depression some kids may need the time and space to recover before heading to school. If it’s overwhelm, executive functioning, or the parent’s own anxiety, then they need tools and/or the parent needs to step back as other pp have suggested.