13 yo DD’s best friend eats poorly and isn’t active

[Anonymous]

Did OP come back and explain why she cares so much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did OP come back and explain why she cares so much?

OP is worried that this girl is setting a bad example for her own daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She is a very sweet girl and is a good friend to my DD. Not looking to distance from her or anything but I’m very worried that their whole family eats extremely poorly, buys tons of junk food and has no food rules. Also the kids don’t do any activities. No sports or dance or anything but also no family hikes or even spending time outside. Last summer my DD barely saw the friend because every day she said it was “too hot” to be outside, and we didn’t allow them inside together until all 4 parents were vaxed.

She openly says things like “I hate school” “I don’t read, I prefer YouTube” etc.

How do I address this with DD - that I don’t want her just eating junk and watching YouTube every time is with the friend? I can’t police when I’m not there but it really bothers me. I also just don’t want my DD thinking this is normal teen behavior.

So, your daughter has made friends with a sweet girl because she values her kindness and you want to know how to make sure your daughter sees all of the faults you see?

OP, you are sad.

[Anonymous]

Hmm when I was 13 and got together with my friends we said we hated school and we ate junk food. We all turned out ok. Worry more about the character of the people she hangs out with (sounds like this girl is a good friend) than what they eat and whether their family takes hikes together.

[Anonymous]

My BFF was like your daughter’s friends and my parents were openly scornful of her - I could tell they disapproved. They called her “Heather Feather,” meaning an intellectual lightweight. They always had Twinkies and sugar cereal. I hated my parents judgement because it was unkind to my friend but it was also disrespectful of me - I was a bookish, shy, athletic kid and they knew that. Did they think core elements of my personality were so fragile some TV and twinkies could change me? My BFF is now a social worker doing simply incredible things. She has this incredible heart and drive to connect with people. She also ended up thinner and fitter! I admire her deeply, and my parents still react with wonder when I tell them what a success she is, like they refuse to believe it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did OP come back and explain why she cares so much?

OP is worried that this girl is setting a bad example for her own daughter.

She's worried that her daughter will eat junk food, and the fatty germs will rub on her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don’t want her eating all that crap. I just don’t. So I guess my option is to just say no to her going over there and say the friend can come to our house?

Is your daughter otherwise never away from you? Because at that age I spent all my allowance money on candy from the vending machines and school store all day long every day at school. We ate very healthily at home. I never got fat.

+1

As a teenager, EVERYONE was eating junk food from the vending machine or at slumber parties or study sessions or whatever. And the WORST were the girls whose mothers had lots of "food rules," or who were obsessed with being thin.

You have to decide if your kid maybe eating some licorice or chips every once in a while is worse than losing a good, sweet friend.

You also have to ask yourself why you think this girl's terrible eating habits will rub off on your kid, but your kid's supposedly stellar eating habits won't rub off on her friend. Do you have so little faith in your own parenting and values?

[Anonymous]

I'd love to know what the "food rules" are in OP's house, and how they are communicated to her DD. If your daughter seems to be forming balanced food habits at home and is active, why worry about policing what she does at a friend's house that sounds like totally normal teen behavior?

[Anonymous]

We have a food rule that the kids eat what we serve at home (mostly healthy, made from scratch), but when in Rome, they eat like the Romans.

OP you are going to give your daughter a complex about food and eating. Not to mention massive anxiety whenever she's in a social situation in which the food doesn't abide by your rules.

If DD is eating most of her meals at home, please do not limit your daughter's food intake. Give her freedom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a food rule that the kids eat what we serve at home (mostly healthy, made from scratch), but when in Rome, they eat like the Romans.

OP you are going to give your daughter a complex about food and eating. Not to mention massive anxiety whenever she's in a social situation in which the food doesn't abide by your rules.

If DD is eating most of her meals at home, please do not limit your daughter's food intake. Give her freedom.

My mom did this when I was a kid and teen, especially about my best friend's house where they ate a lot of packaged food and soda. My best friend is now a PhD who runs marathons and I've realized my mom gave me a lot of baggage around food.

[Anonymous]

I remember sitting down with a bucket of ice cream and a package of cookies for two of us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:LoL just wait until OPs daughter is a little bit older. She's the kid who developed a binge eating disorder because mom was so restrictive growing up. Op, spending an afternoon eating chips is not going to harm your kid. Your terrible relationship with food will. Ask me how I know.

Yeah me too! My mom was a 70s health nut and I grew up being forced to eat seitan and bulgar when all that was very very uncool. When I was old enough, I walked to cvs and bought candy without her knowing. I just wanted to eat fruit roll ups, Fritos, hostess cakes and all the stuff other kids had at school and was misrable eating my hideous health food lunch in front of others. Actually by second grade I just began throwing it away every day to avoid being mocked. Then I developed an eating disorder at boarding school, eating nothing all day but one cookie or brownie. So really a little junk food is ok! Please just consider moderation and less restriction about food. It can have the opposite effect than what you want, OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She is a very sweet girl and is a good friend to my DD. Not looking to distance from her or anything but I’m very worried that their whole family eats extremely poorly, buys tons of junk food and has no food rules. Also the kids don’t do any activities. No sports or dance or anything but also no family hikes or even spending time outside. Last summer my DD barely saw the friend because every day she said it was “too hot” to be outside, and we didn’t allow them inside together until all 4 parents were vaxed.

She openly says things like “I hate school” “I don’t read, I prefer YouTube” etc.

How do I address this with DD - that I don’t want her just eating junk and watching YouTube every time is with the friend? I can’t police when I’m not there but it really bothers me. I also just don’t want my DD thinking this is normal teen behavior.

It’s none of your business and you don’t say anything to your daughter because it’s none of her business either.