13 yo DD’s best friend eats poorly and isn’t active

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t want your DD to be friends with this girls because her family eats too much junk food????

This is a new low for DCUM. Very sad.

Reading comprehension fail. Try again.

OP is not being genuine. Obviously she would prefer her precious DD not be friends with this horribly unhealthy girl. But because DD IS friends with her, Mom is handwringing to deal with her own mixed feelings.

Let me tell you OP, you are lucky your daughter has anyone that is a sweet friend. If they are compatible as friends, and if your precious healthy eating DD is around her, its just as likely that the girl will be positively influenced by your DD's choices. Or are you afraid

If you worry the bad choices are going to just contaminate your family and you ARENT considering the influence could go the other way around, then I am confused as to what you think posting here will achieve. What do you want? You want us to affirm you in your disgust and judgment? You are doing a terrible job of hiding it.

[Anonymous]

All of the things your daughter's friend says, I could hear my teens saying too. That doesn't meant they don't read, don't go to school and do well, and don't do anything other than watch You Tube. They are trying to sound "normal" in that awkward teenage way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don’t want her eating all that crap. I just don’t. So I guess my option is to just say no to her going over there and say the friend can come to our house?

What are they eating? Like Twinkie’s fried in lard? How bad can it be that a few hours of “bad eating” is a deal breaker?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don’t want her eating all that crap. I just don’t. So I guess my option is to just say no to her going over there and say the friend can come to our house?

Your kid is 13. At what point will you let her make her own decisions?

Neve. She'll be that mom who is demanding her daughter get a new roommate b/c the one she has watches too much Youtube and eats Doritos.

[Anonymous]

You don't. We don't let our kids see friends inside or out till everyone in our home, including kids are vaccinated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You do not address this with DD. It's none of your business. If your daughter brings it up, you go with "different strokes for different folks" and move on. You raise your kid with your values, and then you don't judge others, nor do you teach your daughter to judge others.

There's so, so much judgment in your post.

It’s a really unhealthy way to live. This is not a matter of opinion.

So?? Is this your life?? No. MYOB. You cannot control other people. Don't want your DD to hang out with her, that's your choice, but that is where your influence ends.

Do you try to be this controlling in all areas of life?

[Anonymous]

Well that’s sad. Maybe they don’t have a lot of money to do activities or buy healthier foods.

I would encourage more get togethers at your house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don’t want her eating all that crap. I just don’t. So I guess my option is to just say no to her going over there and say the friend can come to our house?

You're daughter's health is in much greater peril based on your control issues than it would be if she went to her friend's house once a week through high school and gorged herself. Good lord.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don’t want her eating all that crap. I just don’t. So I guess my option is to just say no to her going over there and say the friend can come to our house?

Yes. Her family probably grew up poor and this is all they know. I would invite her to your house as much as possible.

Personally, I am really grateful for my friends' parents who did this for me. I was that same little girl, and learned much better habits from my friends' families that I carried into my adult life.

[Anonymous]

LoL just wait until OPs daughter is a little bit older. She's the kid who developed a binge eating disorder because mom was so restrictive growing up. Op, spending an afternoon eating chips is not going to harm your kid. Your terrible relationship with food will. Ask me how I know.

[Anonymous]

They don't take family hikes? Obviously, you have to shun them.

[Anonymous]

Your kid is 13, not 5. You know that many details about your DD’s middle school friends? My 13 yo friend manages his own friends at this age and only coordinates with us to ask if he can go out or if they need a ride. He has two best friends right now. One is a total jock and involved in multiple sports year round. The other isn’t involved in anything, I don’t think. ALL of them like to binge on YouTube and sometimes binge on junk.

MYOB, mom. It’s part of growing up.

[Anonymous]

OP, this is tough b/c obviously you only want your DD associating with the right kind of people. Fat, illiterate, trashy, slovenly people are contagious, and some of that may rub off on your DD. Which could destroy her chance at happiness in life, because then other people -- the winners of this world -- will avoid HER.

Now SOME people will tell you that kindness, loyalty, resilience, honesty are what matters in a friend, but you and I both know what really matters is how thin you are, and what college you go to, and whether you are reading this year's Pulitzer Prize winning book. (Well, maybe not read the whole thing, but at least listen to the review on NPR).

So it's tough. If you crack down on the friendship, DD may rebel, and she may come to see you as elitist and shallow, which could really put a damper on your mother-daughter bond (No more mani/pedis).

However, if you let her hang out there, she could catch some of her friend's disease, and that would be tragic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don’t want her eating all that crap. I just don’t. So I guess my option is to just say no to her going over there and say the friend can come to our house?

Yes. Her family probably grew up poor and this is all they know. I would invite her to your house as much as possible.

Personally, I am really grateful for my friends' parents who did this for me. I was that same little girl, and learned much better habits from my friends' families that I carried into my adult life.

Same pp here. Don't listen to these mean people, but realize that you need to have some empathy for the girl and her family.

My parents were way to tired to take hikes or participate in any other activities because they were exhausted from work. So realize their daughter doesn't know any other way unless she sees other people doing it. And her parents probably grew up they way they are parenting, or are too exhausted to do otherwise.

[Anonymous]

17:12 again. How many of you go on regular family hikes with your teens? Not happening in my house. There are not a lot of family activities right now with the moody hormones raging.