Coach texting players

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know coaches that give kids a ride to and from practice sometimes....one on one.

Definitely against SafeSport policy. Except for extreme emergencies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it typical for coaches to have direct contact with players after practice and games?

My 13 year old DC’s coach asked every player for their cell number. They are to text if and why they will miss a practice. I’m a little uncomfortable with my child having to directly message their coach and would rather be the person to relay that information.

What are your thoughts? Is it appropriate?

My school district doesn't allow students and adults to have direct connect and adults should not contact students using personal devices. If you don't feel comfortable (as you should) then give the coach YOUR number and have him reach out to you. You are the personal responsible for the minor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Completely inappropriate, even if some people think it's the norm. It may be "normal" but wrong.

Why? My son sends hitting practice videos to his coach, lets him know if he will miss practice, etc. They aren’t chatting for fun.

Is there an age you would find this to be appropriate? Would you find email to be ok? Not trying to be argumentative; really trying to understand how it is wrong.

You should be included in the text chain. It protects the child and the coach (and the organization that runs the program), ensuring everything stays aboveboard.

Is there an age where you would find one on one communications to be appropriate? Do you find it to be ok for teachers?
I’m just totally confused about how some people seem to think adults should never privately communicate with a teenager. I had amazing mentors and coaches as a teen, and those relationships didn’t include my parents. It seems fear of inappropriate behavior is preventing authentic relationships and the opportunity to develop responsibility (taking control of logistics, communication, scheduling).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Completely inappropriate, even if some people think it's the norm. It may be "normal" but wrong.

Why? My son sends hitting practice videos to his coach, lets him know if he will miss practice, etc. They aren’t chatting for fun.

Is there an age you would find this to be appropriate? Would you find email to be ok? Not trying to be argumentative; really trying to understand how it is wrong.

You should be included in the text chain. It protects the child and the coach (and the organization that runs the program), ensuring everything stays aboveboard.

Is there an age where you would find one on one communications to be appropriate? Do you find it to be ok for teachers?
I’m just totally confused about how some people seem to think adults should never privately communicate with a teenager. I had amazing mentors and coaches as a teen, and those relationships didn’t include my parents. It seems fear of inappropriate behavior is preventing authentic relationships and the opportunity to develop responsibility (taking control of logistics, communication, scheduling).

I can see at a certain point, teams travel together not with a parent. Particularly if they are flying, staying at hotels, etc a coach would need a way to quickly communicate. But if I was that coach, I would include another coach and the parent on that thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Completely inappropriate, even if some people think it's the norm. It may be "normal" but wrong.

Why? My son sends hitting practice videos to his coach, lets him know if he will miss practice, etc. They aren’t chatting for fun.

Is there an age you would find this to be appropriate? Would you find email to be ok? Not trying to be argumentative; really trying to understand how it is wrong.

You should be included in the text chain. It protects the child and the coach (and the organization that runs the program), ensuring everything stays aboveboard.

Is there an age where you would find one on one communications to be appropriate? Do you find it to be ok for teachers?
I’m just totally confused about how some people seem to think adults should never privately communicate with a teenager. I had amazing mentors and coaches as a teen, and those relationships didn’t include my parents. It seems fear of inappropriate behavior is preventing authentic relationships and the opportunity to develop responsibility (taking control of logistics, communication, scheduling).

Did they include personal cell phones, email and social media? This is the big difference, it’s very easy now to hide inappropriate communication and open the door. It is sad that a very small percentage of bad actors has driven behavior for everyone, but my most important job is to protect my kids.

[Anonymous]

My dd’s coach always just texted the parents. The parents are the drivers. So, it made sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Completely inappropriate, even if some people think it's the norm. It may be "normal" but wrong.

Why? My son sends hitting practice videos to his coach, lets him know if he will miss practice, etc. They aren’t chatting for fun.

Is there an age you would find this to be appropriate? Would you find email to be ok? Not trying to be argumentative; really trying to understand how it is wrong.

You should be included in the text chain. It protects the child and the coach (and the organization that runs the program), ensuring everything stays aboveboard.

Is there an age where you would find one on one communications to be appropriate? Do you find it to be ok for teachers?
I’m just totally confused about how some people seem to think adults should never privately communicate with a teenager. I had amazing mentors and coaches as a teen, and those relationships didn’t include my parents. It seems fear of inappropriate behavior is preventing authentic relationships and the opportunity to develop responsibility (taking control of logistics, communication, scheduling).

Did they include personal cell phones, email and social media? This is the big difference, it’s very easy now to hide inappropriate communication and open the door. It is sad that a very small percentage of bad actors has driven behavior for everyone, but my most important job is to protect my kids.

Well, it was the nineties so no. But I babysat for her kids, she helped carpool us to tournaments, I sat in her kitchen while her doctor husband evaluated my sprained ankle. She was instrumental in my life and we are still close 30 years later. My FIL was a high school basketball coach in a rough area and my husband grew up with kids sleeping on their couch when they were having problems at home. He said it was more often than not that a kid was over for dinner. I understand what we are protecting against and certainly don’t judge anyone who asks to be included in the messaging.

I am curious about when there is a transition to allow the relationship without the parent. I see that 13 could go either way. But I don’t think it is necessary for a 16yo to have mom on the text chain with coach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Completely inappropriate, even if some people think it's the norm. It may be "normal" but wrong.

Why? My son sends hitting practice videos to his coach, lets him know if he will miss practice, etc. They aren’t chatting for fun.

Is there an age you would find this to be appropriate? Would you find email to be ok? Not trying to be argumentative; really trying to understand how it is wrong.

You should be included in the text chain. It protects the child and the coach (and the organization that runs the program), ensuring everything stays aboveboard.

Is there an age where you would find one on one communications to be appropriate? Do you find it to be ok for teachers?
I’m just totally confused about how some people seem to think adults should never privately communicate with a teenager. I had amazing mentors and coaches as a teen, and those relationships didn’t include my parents. It seems fear of inappropriate behavior is preventing authentic relationships and the opportunity to develop responsibility (taking control of logistics, communication, scheduling).

Did they include personal cell phones, email and social media? This is the big difference, it’s very easy now to hide inappropriate communication and open the door. It is sad that a very small percentage of bad actors has driven behavior for everyone, but my most important job is to protect my kids.

Well, it was the nineties so no. But I babysat for her kids, she helped carpool us to tournaments, I sat in her kitchen while her doctor husband evaluated my sprained ankle. She was instrumental in my life and we are still close 30 years later. My FIL was a high school basketball coach in a rough area and my husband grew up with kids sleeping on their couch when they were having problems at home. He said it was more often than not that a kid was over for dinner. I understand what we are protecting against and certainly don’t judge anyone who asks to be included in the messaging.

I am curious about when there is a transition to allow the relationship without the parent. I see that 13 could go either way. But I don’t think it is necessary for a 16yo to have mom on the text chain with coach.

SafeSport = 18*

*Once a coach-Athlete relationship is established, a Power Imbalance is presumed to exist throughout the coach-Athlete relationship (regardless of age) and is presumed to continue for Minor Athletes after the coach- Athlete relationship terminates until the Athlete reaches 20 years of age.

Also, most of your examples don’t seem to violate 1:1, if there is the ability for “observation or interruption” that’s generally ok (in SafeSport), although not foolproof, see Larry Nassar. There are examples of real-life situations with parent-coaches and chaperones for example. The situation of coach driving his own kid and a teammate is different than a coach regularly driving just a non-related athlete.

If our clubs are showing complete disregard for these policies and failing to train coaches, we should be judging that. Many organizations are a work in progress with this and parents should be asking questions just like OP. Yes, parents with different comfort levels are going to push about things others didn’t consider to be risky, but the overall safety for athletes can only benefit. Any organization under the umbrella of a National Governing Body for sport should have published policies for athlete protection and a process for oversight.

[Anonymous]

I text my female players without an issue. But then again, they’re in Hs. Which means they’re mature (enough).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I text my female players without an issue. But then again, they’re in Hs. Which means they’re mature (enough).

Nope.

[Anonymous]

I actually think HS may be one of the highest risk groups bc the line is blurred, the age gap may be smaller, and there is naturally more separation from parents.

Besides the fact that every major organization says not to do it, why would you open yourself to the risk?

[Anonymous]

I am wary of any adult who thinks it's okay to text minors one on one. Why would they open themselves to the risk?

[Anonymous]

I fully believe that the vast majority of coaches are upstanding individuals, doing the right thing, looking to communicate with their athletes, and these are innocent communications.

But the thing is, every abusive relationship, sexual or otherwise, also started with communication or action that parents thought was normal and innocent. This is why kids have to be protected and lines drawn.

It is a necessary cultural shift. If your organization's priorities don't involve the safety of it's athletes before there is a problem, find one that does or help them shift the culture. Ask questions. Ask them to do what is required under their NGBs. You don't have to be accusatory. This does need to filter all the way down from NGBs to state organizations and individual clubs' directors and coaches under their umbrellas. This is a right of your athlete and your job as a parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I text my female players without an issue. But then again, they’re in Hs. Which means they’re mature (enough).

Nope.

I’d gladly rebut any accusation. After all, it’s all saved in the cloud.

[Anonymous]

At 13 have him include you. My husband is a coach of kids this age, they use a group chat.

Once our son was in high school players were expected to contact the coach themselves. A message from a parent didn't count. That was a group message as well though.