DH doesn't want to do skin to skin after baby's born.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Americans are really TSTL!

What does TSTL mean?

OP what does your husband mean when he says he doesn't want to do skin to skin. Is he talking about the delivery room/hospital or even after you all get home?

[Anonymous]

My husband also didn’t want to do skin to skin. He didn’t read any books. He did go to the infant CPR class with me but told me that he was sure he couldn’t actually to it.

As soon as the baby came? He was hands on. He learned how to change diapers from the nurse while I slept. He helped clean pump parts at 2am. He was the best swaddler. He still refused to do skin on skin. Let your husband figure out how to be a dad in his own way. He may surprise you.

[Anonymous]

When baby comes, you have to remember that he’ll do it differently than you. Unless it involves safety, keep your mouth shut. At most you can ask, “would you like me to show you the way I discovered to make it easier?” If he says no, back off.

And keep an eye on you and/or he getting PPD or PPA. Yes, guys can get it too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Yes it's a thing. that dads do , shouldn't that be obvious due to it being something he's declinign?


Honestly, this is just another thing that he's been resistant to about the baby. He didn't want to read any pregnancy or parenting books. He did finally look at some websites. He didn't see the need to set up a nursery. I did most of the selection for the registry. The research on cribs, nursery colors, car seats, feeding, etc.

The thing is he swears he's always wanted, kids. Cried when he found we were expecting, called everyone.

She's supposed to be here in less than a week and he's all non chalant about it and now the no skin to skin thing is bugging me

My DH did skin to skin - not right away but on the second day in the hospital when he was holding her. But he was like your DH for the rest of the stuff and I preferred it. I picked the nursery theme and colors. He painted. He came with me to pick out crib but I picked it. I made the registry. He could add stuff if he wanted but I made sure what I liked and researched was on there. I like being in charge and this way I did not have to compromise on the things I wanted. Easier for everyone.

Even with DD3, when he knows what he likes with kid gear and what he hates - we are currently in a disagreement about water wipes versus pampers wipes - he defers to me. It's the best.

[Anonymous]

My kid was born 27 years ago. I did not know this was a thing. (Might have been a thing then but I still didn't know about it.)

[Anonymous]

This is not the hill to die on because you never know what will happen when the baby is here, and plus you can do plenty of skin to skin.

But to those saying it's wacky, I will counter with this - our baby failed his glucose test and doing lots of skin to skin in addition to extra BF in the first 36 hours helped him to regulate it. My DG ended up doing lots of skin to skin after each feed until the next glucose test until everything was regulated. And we continued to both do skin to skin snuggle naps a lot at home in the first few weeks. My husband enjoyed it! I don't think we ever discussed it at all pre-birth though. I knew I wanted to do it right after labor for the benefits, but hadn't thought beyond that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is not the hill to die on because you never know what will happen when the baby is here, and plus you can do plenty of skin to skin.

But to those saying it's wacky, I will counter with this - our baby failed his glucose test and doing lots of skin to skin in addition to extra BF in the first 36 hours helped him to regulate it. My DG ended up doing lots of skin to skin after each feed until the next glucose test until everything was regulated. And we continued to both do skin to skin snuggle naps a lot at home in the first few weeks. My husband enjoyed it! I don't think we ever discussed it at all pre-birth though. I knew I wanted to do it right after labor for the benefits, but hadn't thought beyond that.

DH* ^^

[Anonymous]

Dear OP, you are doing what most moms do, obsess about how to take care of your baby. We all did it, but your dh's way is actually healthier and better. He will not be as high strung and insane when the baby comes. Why? Because he will take care of the baby using common sense. You will be dead tired bcs you will try to do what some book told you, and you will follow a book rather than your own and your baby's cues and your instinct.
Throw all the books away; you don't need them. They are there to make a profit for people, not to teach you anything. Ask your mom or grandma, they will give you the best advice. They will also tell you that they read books, and then went nuts trying to follow some advice, until they threw the books away and did what made sense.
Your DH is excited about the baby, he is not excited about the book! You've gone crazy, a bit, even before the baby is here. You will go a bit crazier once the baby arrives.

Even though I wrote this to you, you will not take my advice. You will keep reading and having some Dr. Seuss tell you how to take care of your baby. None of this matters or makes any difference. You will know how to take care of your baby unless you are totally nuts, which you clearly are not. In a year you will remember this when you have gone to hell and back trying to feed your kids based on some book when you sleep train your kid based on some method when you were freaking out that baby didn't crawl at 9 months. You will throw away the insane books and advice, and realize that you just let money-grabbing authors dictate and ruin your life. Your DH already knows all this because he is not a mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is not the hill to die on because you never know what will happen when the baby is here, and plus you can do plenty of skin to skin.

But to those saying it's wacky, I will counter with this - our baby failed his glucose test and doing lots of skin to skin in addition to extra BF in the first 36 hours helped him to regulate it. My DG ended up doing lots of skin to skin after each feed until the next glucose test until everything was regulated. And we continued to both do skin to skin snuggle naps a lot at home in the first few weeks. My husband enjoyed it! I don't think we ever discussed it at all pre-birth though. I knew I wanted to do it right after labor for the benefits, but hadn't thought beyond that.

And how do you know it would not have been regulated without skin to skin?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not the hill to die on because you never know what will happen when the baby is here, and plus you can do plenty of skin to skin.

But to those saying it's wacky, I will counter with this - our baby failed his glucose test and doing lots of skin to skin in addition to extra BF in the first 36 hours helped him to regulate it. My DG ended up doing lots of skin to skin after each feed until the next glucose test until everything was regulated. And we continued to both do skin to skin snuggle naps a lot at home in the first few weeks. My husband enjoyed it! I don't think we ever discussed it at all pre-birth though. I knew I wanted to do it right after labor for the benefits, but hadn't thought beyond that.

And how do you know it would not have been regulated without skin to skin?

I absolutely don't know, could totally be correlation. But when we didn't do it, he would fail his glucose test again. Anecdotal, sure, but it wasn't until we were strictly doing skin to skin between feedings that he finally passed the necessary 4 consecutive glucose tests. So I do believe it helped him regulate.

[Anonymous]

It is not even a tiny bit of a big deal. If you want to pick a fight and argue and find a reason to be upset then go for it. If you’re looking to make the last few days of your pregnancy stressful and miserable that keep harping on this. I promise you this is nothing to worry about. Let it go and enjoy the last few days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Yes it's a thing. that dads do , shouldn't that be obvious due to it being something he's declinign?

NP here, actually I thought he was telling YOU not to do S2S because I had never heard of or imagined a dad doing it.

Pick your battles. This is not one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Yes it's a thing. that dads do , shouldn't that be obvious due to it being something he's declinign?

NP here, actually I thought he was telling YOU not to do S2S because I had never heard of or imagined a dad doing it.

Pick your battles. This is not one.

I thought that's what OP meant too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Yes it's a thing. that dads do , shouldn't that be obvious due to it being something he's declinign?


Honestly, this is just another thing that he's been resistant to about the baby. He didn't want to read any pregnancy or parenting books. He did finally look at some websites. He didn't see the need to set up a nursery. I did most of the selection for the registry. The research on cribs, nursery colors, car seats, feeding, etc.

The thing is he swears he's always wanted, kids. Cried when he found we were expecting, called everyone.

She's supposed to be here in less than a week and he's all non chalant about it and now the no skin to skin thing is bugging me

While I understand your hurt feelings, I wouldn't worry about this right now because what he says before the baby is born is meaningless. He has NO idea how he will feel until he holds this baby in his arms after its born. I promise your husband will hold your baby either with his clothes or without them. Honestly, while skin to skin is wonderful, babies just love to be held period. When holding the baby helps the baby stay calm, your husband will understand the importance of it. But it will take some time for your husband to truly bond with the baby. He will feel kind of useless at first and this is normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not the hill to die on because you never know what will happen when the baby is here, and plus you can do plenty of skin to skin.

But to those saying it's wacky, I will counter with this - our baby failed his glucose test and doing lots of skin to skin in addition to extra BF in the first 36 hours helped him to regulate it. My DG ended up doing lots of skin to skin after each feed until the next glucose test until everything was regulated. And we continued to both do skin to skin snuggle naps a lot at home in the first few weeks. My husband enjoyed it! I don't think we ever discussed it at all pre-birth though. I knew I wanted to do it right after labor for the benefits, but hadn't thought beyond that.

And how do you know it would not have been regulated without skin to skin?

I absolutely don't know, could totally be correlation. But when we didn't do it, he would fail his glucose test again. Anecdotal, sure, but it wasn't until we were strictly doing skin to skin between feedings that he finally passed the necessary 4 consecutive glucose tests. So I do believe it helped him regulate.

DP. We also had to do glucose tests, and the nurses had us do skin to skin and nursing before each test to help regulate baby's sugars. Another anecdotal case, but I trust the BTDT experience of the post partum nurses.

We never did skin to skin much after leaving the hospital outside of nursing (and I didn't strip baby down to feed them.) My husband did skin to skin, like, once in the hospital, and seems to have bonded fine with our kids.