Advice for a west coaster moving to the east coast

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the "passive-aggressive" versus "direct" phrasing is a question of framing, and not factually-based. My DH, who jokingly calls himself an "east coast escapee" at times (we are on the west coast, he grew up in MA) says that he thinks folks in New England and NY say they are "direct" but what they mean is that they are "unnecessarily rude just for the sake of being mean." Of course, he moved out west for college and never once looked back, so I think his opinion is skewed. Similarly, what east coast folks call "passive aggressive," west coast folks call "basic courtesy."

I grew up in California and what I have seen is that some people come to California and just absorb it and flourish, while others never feel comfortable. I get it, I don't think I'd ever feel settled on the east coast, but I think there are some folks who move east and just take to it. Not sure which one you will be, OP! Honestly, it's probably better to be a person who can enjoy both -- shows better mental flexibility and a healthier outlook.

On the other hand, as an east coaster who made the move out west, I found the people unspeakably rude, and lacking in basic courtesy. A lot of things I would expect on the east coast, like people looking you in the eye when speaking and seeming honest, forthright, and like they respected you, just seemed to fall by the wayside. A lot of the people i interacted with seemed like they couldnt care less about a person or even viewed them with contempt.

I suppose it is a matter of perspective, but I noticed most big morning and talk show hosts come from the east coast and seem to be imported to the west coast. So it seems like that friendly vibe is one people get from east coasters more often than west coasters

I could not disagree more. When I moved to Los Angeles (two decades ago), I couldn’t believe how everyone looked me in the eye. And I started looking every passing person in the eye too! In DC, I grew up ignoring people I walked by.

In California, people are friendlier to strangers, but not as warm to their friends.

What part of California did you move to? I noticed the exact opposite. But maybe it's changed, because from what I heard California was very different 20 years ago.

[Anonymous]

The black and white comments are weird. I had mostly Asian friends in HS in this area and I now live in dupont where my kids’ school is 50% white and pretty equally divided among black, latin , asian for the other 50%. Sure our Mexican food sucks but our Ethiopian is great and our Korean can hang. We are more informed and like substantive conversations. I am sure there are many snobs but nobody I know is one. People in DC are from all over so it’s not homogenous at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The black and white comments are weird. I had mostly Asian friends in HS in this area and I now live in dupont where my kids’ school is 50% white and pretty equally divided among black, latin , asian for the other 50%. Sure our Mexican food sucks but our Ethiopian is great and our Korean can hang. We are more informed and like substantive conversations. I am sure there are many snobs but nobody I know is one. People in DC are from all over so it’s not homogenous at all.

I noticed way more racism in LA when I lived there. It was actually shocking to me. I had a friend from LA who was giving me advice for how to make a certain recipe and told me to head to the mexican part of town. I told them we didn't have a mexican part of town- that we do have certain ethnic divisions but for the most part everyone is mixed up together, and it's all just kind of a melting pot. They literally didn't believe me.

If you watch the LA riots, which happened in 1992, I mean, that level of racial hatred and the horrific race relations just doesnt happen in DC. Yes we have divisions but for the most part black people are welcomed into the white part of town and vice versa. In Los Angeles at times i felt like I was getting really bad reactions because of the color of my skin (white) in a way I have never experienced in any other part of the US (and I've lived in several major cities). The only thing true is that they do have a larger asian population, but that's largely because asia is much closer to the west coast. And even then, they are often relegated to a particularly area, aka koreatown, whereas in DC you couldn't even identify the "asian" part of town because, as I said, everyone is mixed together.

[Anonymous]

I find that people in DC and California are equally friendly and warm. People in Washington and Oregon are friendly but less warm. People in NY are warm but less friendly.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, there are more Californians on my block here than native DC-ers.

And when I lived in SF, most people in my building were not from CA.

If you move to a big job center, there are people from all over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The black and white comments are weird. I had mostly Asian friends in HS in this area and I now live in dupont where my kids’ school is 50% white and pretty equally divided among black, latin , asian for the other 50%. Sure our Mexican food sucks but our Ethiopian is great and our Korean can hang. We are more informed and like substantive conversations. I am sure there are many snobs but nobody I know is one. People in DC are from all over so it’s not homogenous at all.

I noticed way more racism in LA when I lived there. It was actually shocking to me. I had a friend from LA who was giving me advice for how to make a certain recipe and told me to head to the mexican part of town. I told them we didn't have a mexican part of town- that we do have certain ethnic divisions but for the most part everyone is mixed up together, and it's all just kind of a melting pot. They literally didn't believe me.[b]

If you watch the LA riots, which happened in 1992, I mean, that level of racial hatred and the horrific race relations just doesnt happen in DC. Yes we have divisions but for the most part black people are welcomed into the white part of town and vice versa. In Los Angeles at times i felt like I was getting really bad reactions because of the color of my skin (white) in a way I have never experienced in any other part of the US (and I've lived in several major cities). The only thing true is that they do have a larger asian population, but that's largely because asia is much closer to the west coast. And even then, they are often relegated to a particularly area, aka koreatown, whereas in DC you couldn't even identify the "asian" part of town because, as I said, everyone is mixed together.

Not true about NOVA--I'm an Alexandria native and Annandale was always the Asian part of town and Route 1 was the Hispanic part of town.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the "passive-aggressive" versus "direct" phrasing is a question of framing, and not factually-based. My DH, who jokingly calls himself an "east coast escapee" at times (we are on the west coast, he grew up in MA) says that he thinks folks in New England and NY say they are "direct" but what they mean is that they are "unnecessarily rude just for the sake of being mean." Of course, he moved out west for college and never once looked back, so I think his opinion is skewed. Similarly, what east coast folks call "passive aggressive," west coast folks call "basic courtesy."

I grew up in California and what I have seen is that some people come to California and just absorb it and flourish, while others never feel comfortable. I get it, I don't think I'd ever feel settled on the east coast, but I think there are some folks who move east and just take to it. Not sure which one you will be, OP! Honestly, it's probably better to be a person who can enjoy both -- shows better mental flexibility and a healthier outlook.

On the other hand, as an east coaster who made the move out west, I found the people unspeakably rude, and lacking in basic courtesy. A lot of things I would expect on the east coast, like people looking you in the eye when speaking and seeming honest, forthright, and like they respected you, just seemed to fall by the wayside. A lot of the people i interacted with seemed like they couldnt care less about a person or even viewed them with contempt.

I suppose it is a matter of perspective, but I noticed most big morning and talk show hosts come from the east coast and seem to be imported to the west coast. So it seems like that friendly vibe is one people get from east coasters more often than west coasters

I could not disagree more. When I moved to Los Angeles (two decades ago), I couldn’t believe how everyone looked me in the eye. And I started looking every passing person in the eye too! In DC, I grew up ignoring people I walked by.

In California, people are friendlier to strangers, but not as warm to their friends.

What part of California did you move to? I noticed the exact opposite. But maybe it's changed, because from what I heard California was very different 20 years ago.

I moved to Los Angeles. Still here!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The black and white comments are weird. I had mostly Asian friends in HS in this area and I now live in dupont where my kids’ school is 50% white and pretty equally divided among black, latin , asian for the other 50%. Sure our Mexican food sucks but our Ethiopian is great and our Korean can hang. We are more informed and like substantive conversations. I am sure there are many snobs but nobody I know is one. People in DC are from all over so it’s not homogenous at all.

I noticed way more racism in LA when I lived there. It was actually shocking to me. I had a friend from LA who was giving me advice for how to make a certain recipe and told me to head to the mexican part of town. I told them we didn't have a mexican part of town- that we do have certain ethnic divisions but for the most part everyone is mixed up together, and it's all just kind of a melting pot. They literally didn't believe me.

If you watch the LA riots, which happened in 1992, I mean, that level of racial hatred and the horrific race relations just doesnt happen in DC. Yes we have divisions but for the most part black people are welcomed into the white part of town and vice versa. In Los Angeles at times i felt like I was getting really bad reactions because of the color of my skin (white) in a way I have never experienced in any other part of the US (and I've lived in several major cities). The only thing true is that they do have a larger asian population, but that's largely because asia is much closer to the west coast. And even then, they are often relegated to a particularly area, aka koreatown, whereas in DC you couldn't even identify the "asian" part of town because, as I said, everyone is mixed together.

I’m surprised this was your experience. non-Hispanic whites are a minority in Los Angeles. It is a brown city. Latinos, Koreans, Filipinos, Chinese, Korean, Indian, Persian, Lebanese, Armenian (who are white, but just speaking at how diverse even LA’s white population is!), plus black Angelinos!

Each little group has its town—Thai Town, Little Persia, Koreatown—-but it’s just a concentration of restaurants and shops. People live allllll over the city!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The black and white comments are weird. I had mostly Asian friends in HS in this area and I now live in dupont where my kids’ school is 50% white and pretty equally divided among black, latin , asian for the other 50%. Sure our Mexican food sucks but our Ethiopian is great and our Korean can hang. We are more informed and like substantive conversations. I am sure there are many snobs but nobody I know is one. People in DC are from all over so it’s not homogenous at all.

I noticed way more racism in LA when I lived there. It was actually shocking to me. I had a friend from LA who was giving me advice for how to make a certain recipe and told me to head to the mexican part of town. I told them we didn't have a mexican part of town- that we do have certain ethnic divisions but for the most part everyone is mixed up together, and it's all just kind of a melting pot. They literally didn't believe me.

If you watch the LA riots, which happened in 1992, I mean, that level of racial hatred and the horrific race relations just doesnt happen in DC. Yes we have divisions but for the most part black people are welcomed into the white part of town and vice versa. In Los Angeles at times i felt like I was getting really bad reactions because of the color of my skin (white) in a way I have never experienced in any other part of the US (and I've lived in several major cities). The only thing true is that they do have a larger asian population, but that's largely because asia is much closer to the west coast. And even then, they are often relegated to a particularly area, aka koreatown, whereas in DC you couldn't even identify the "asian" part of town because, as I said, everyone is mixed together.

I’m surprised this was your experience. non-Hispanic whites are a minority in Los Angeles. It is a brown city. Latinos, Koreans, Filipinos, Chinese, Korean, Indian, Persian, Lebanese, Armenian (who are white, but just speaking at how diverse even LA’s white population is!), plus black Angelinos!

Each little group has its town—Thai Town, Little Persia, Koreatown—-but it’s just a concentration of restaurants and shops. People live allllll over the city!

Yes, non hispanic whites make up the minority in Los Angeles as a whole- and the majority on the westside, which is almost entirely white and far and away the wealthiest part of the town. Only a town like Los Angeles could raise up someone like Kelly Osbourne who said, thinking she was being woke, "If we dont let Mexicans in, who will clean your toilets?" And that pretty much sums up Los Angeles. It's not really worth much to have "diversity" if that diversity involves segregation into separate sections. In fact it's the opposite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the "passive-aggressive" versus "direct" phrasing is a question of framing, and not factually-based. My DH, who jokingly calls himself an "east coast escapee" at times (we are on the west coast, he grew up in MA) says that he thinks folks in New England and NY say they are "direct" but what they mean is that they are "unnecessarily rude just for the sake of being mean." Of course, he moved out west for college and never once looked back, so I think his opinion is skewed. Similarly, what east coast folks call "passive aggressive," west coast folks call "basic courtesy."

I grew up in California and what I have seen is that some people come to California and just absorb it and flourish, while others never feel comfortable. I get it, I don't think I'd ever feel settled on the east coast, but I think there are some folks who move east and just take to it. Not sure which one you will be, OP! Honestly, it's probably better to be a person who can enjoy both -- shows better mental flexibility and a healthier outlook.

On the other hand, as an east coaster who made the move out west, I found the people unspeakably rude, and lacking in basic courtesy. A lot of things I would expect on the east coast, like people looking you in the eye when speaking and seeming honest, forthright, and like they respected you, just seemed to fall by the wayside. A lot of the people i interacted with seemed like they couldnt care less about a person or even viewed them with contempt.

I suppose it is a matter of perspective, but I noticed most big morning and talk show hosts come from the east coast and seem to be imported to the west coast. So it seems like that friendly vibe is one people get from east coasters more often than west coasters

I could not disagree more. When I moved to Los Angeles (two decades ago), I couldn’t believe how everyone looked me in the eye. And I started looking every passing person in the eye too! In DC, I grew up ignoring people I walked by.

In California, people are friendlier to strangers, but not as warm to their friends.

What part of California did you move to? I noticed the exact opposite. But maybe it's changed, because from what I heard California was very different 20 years ago.

I moved to Los Angeles. Still here!

Interesting. LA is definitely not that way anymore!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the "passive-aggressive" versus "direct" phrasing is a question of framing, and not factually-based. My DH, who jokingly calls himself an "east coast escapee" at times (we are on the west coast, he grew up in MA) says that he thinks folks in New England and NY say they are "direct" but what they mean is that they are "unnecessarily rude just for the sake of being mean." Of course, he moved out west for college and never once looked back, so I think his opinion is skewed. Similarly, what east coast folks call "passive aggressive," west coast folks call "basic courtesy."

I grew up in California and what I have seen is that some people come to California and just absorb it and flourish, while others never feel comfortable. I get it, I don't think I'd ever feel settled on the east coast, but I think there are some folks who move east and just take to it. Not sure which one you will be, OP! Honestly, it's probably better to be a person who can enjoy both -- shows better mental flexibility and a healthier outlook.

On the other hand, as an east coaster who made the move out west, I found the people unspeakably rude, and lacking in basic courtesy. A lot of things I would expect on the east coast, like people looking you in the eye when speaking and seeming honest, forthright, and like they respected you, just seemed to fall by the wayside. A lot of the people i interacted with seemed like they couldnt care less about a person or even viewed them with contempt.

I suppose it is a matter of perspective, but I noticed most big morning and talk show hosts come from the east coast and seem to be imported to the west coast. So it seems like that friendly vibe is one people get from east coasters more often than west coasters

The whole point is that your personal experience isn't representative. People have been different experiences and preferences, and so words like "rude" versus "direct" are a matter of opinion not fact. That's okay. Your talk show host thing seems outright weird, though.

In any event, mentally healthy and robust folks can live and thrive anywhere. It's a negative thing to negatively characterize a whole coast, not a positive thing. It's not something people should be boasting about. It shows a very limited world view.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the "passive-aggressive" versus "direct" phrasing is a question of framing, and not factually-based. My DH, who jokingly calls himself an "east coast escapee" at times (we are on the west coast, he grew up in MA) says that he thinks folks in New England and NY say they are "direct" but what they mean is that they are "unnecessarily rude just for the sake of being mean." Of course, he moved out west for college and never once looked back, so I think his opinion is skewed. Similarly, what east coast folks call "passive aggressive," west coast folks call "basic courtesy."

I grew up in California and what I have seen is that some people come to California and just absorb it and flourish, while others never feel comfortable. I get it, I don't think I'd ever feel settled on the east coast, but I think there are some folks who move east and just take to it. Not sure which one you will be, OP! Honestly, it's probably better to be a person who can enjoy both -- shows better mental flexibility and a healthier outlook.

On the other hand, as an east coaster who made the move out west, I found the people unspeakably rude, and lacking in basic courtesy. A lot of things I would expect on the east coast, like people looking you in the eye when speaking and seeming honest, forthright, and like they respected you, just seemed to fall by the wayside. A lot of the people i interacted with seemed like they couldnt care less about a person or even viewed them with contempt.

I suppose it is a matter of perspective, but I noticed most big morning and talk show hosts come from the east coast and seem to be imported to the west coast. So it seems like that friendly vibe is one people get from east coasters more often than west coasters

The whole point is that your personal experience isn't representative. People have been different experiences and preferences, and so words like "rude" versus "direct" are a matter of opinion not fact. That's okay. Your talk show host thing seems outright weird, though.

In any event, mentally healthy and robust folks can live and thrive anywhere. It's a negative thing to negatively characterize a whole coast, not a positive thing. It's not something people should be boasting about. It shows a very limited world view.

Sure, but we can also have objective ideas of manners and/or niceness. Most people would agree that saying "Thank you" is an act of politeness and omitting is rude. Most people would agree that lying to someone and backstabbing them is not nice. Words have meanings.

I dont have a "talk show host thing", just an observation that most of the most popular radio/ morning hosts have originated from the east coast. Not sure why that would be "weird", unless you're just expressing a general displeasure with this fact. Which would seem to stem more from it contradicting your assertion that west coasters are just as friendly and convivial as east coasters. When it would appear that, based on which hosts get chosen and build large fanbases, does not appear to be the case. Not based on general opinion, at least- which is the tool you would use to judge social skills/abilities

[Anonymous]

I don't want to sound like I'm trying to be woke, but these posters talking about how LA is a bastion of racial equality and integration are beyond delusional. I'm glad you enjoy your taco trucks, but that doesn't make LA some sort of racial utopia. By the way, LA has the most segregated schools in all of California-- because the neighborhoods are segregated. .https://www.scpr.org/news/2017/12/03/78190/the-california-schools-where-the-kids-are-all-the/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the "passive-aggressive" versus "direct" phrasing is a question of framing, and not factually-based. My DH, who jokingly calls himself an "east coast escapee" at times (we are on the west coast, he grew up in MA) says that he thinks folks in New England and NY say they are "direct" but what they mean is that they are "unnecessarily rude just for the sake of being mean." Of course, he moved out west for college and never once looked back, so I think his opinion is skewed. Similarly, what east coast folks call "passive aggressive," west coast folks call "basic courtesy."

I grew up in California and what I have seen is that some people come to California and just absorb it and flourish, while others never feel comfortable. I get it, I don't think I'd ever feel settled on the east coast, but I think there are some folks who move east and just take to it. Not sure which one you will be, OP! Honestly, it's probably better to be a person who can enjoy both -- shows better mental flexibility and a healthier outlook.

On the other hand, as an east coaster who made the move out west, I found the people unspeakably rude, and lacking in basic courtesy. A lot of things I would expect on the east coast, like people looking you in the eye when speaking and seeming honest, forthright, and like they respected you, just seemed to fall by the wayside. A lot of the people i interacted with seemed like they couldnt care less about a person or even viewed them with contempt.

I suppose it is a matter of perspective, but I noticed most big morning and talk show hosts come from the east coast and seem to be imported to the west coast. So it seems like that friendly vibe is one people get from east coasters more often than west coasters

The whole point is that your personal experience isn't representative. People have been different experiences and preferences, and so words like "rude" versus "direct" are a matter of opinion not fact. That's okay. Your talk show host thing seems outright weird, though.

In any event, mentally healthy and robust folks can live and thrive anywhere. It's a negative thing to negatively characterize a whole coast, not a positive thing. It's not something people should be boasting about. It shows a very limited world view.

Sure, but we can also have objective ideas of manners and/or niceness. Most people would agree that saying "Thank you" is an act of politeness and omitting is rude. Most people would agree that lying to someone and backstabbing them is not nice. Words have meanings.

I dont have a "talk show host thing", just an observation that most of the most popular radio/ morning hosts have originated from the east coast. Not sure why that would be "weird", unless you're just expressing a general displeasure with this fact. Which would seem to stem more from it contradicting your assertion that west coasters are just as friendly and convivial as east coasters. When it would appear that, based on which hosts get chosen and build large fanbases, does not appear to be the case. Not based on general opinion, at least- which is the tool you would use to judge social skills/abilities

Uh, talk show hosts come from the east coast because that's where the major news media is based. It is same reason why tech companies come out of silicon valley. Do you not understand how that works?

And I have no idea what you are going on about with respect to words have meaning. Uh, yeah? So what? What New Yorkers call "direct," Hawaiians would call "unbelievably rude." Those words all have meaning, yes? I'm sorry if this is a disappoinment to you, but as it turns out the world does not universally agree that you are the universal arbitrator of everyone's lived experience. I realize this will come as a shock to you but it's true.

I'm honestly confused by what point you are trying to make, except that you seem to have a virulent dislike of California based on some experience you had twenty years ago, which goes back to my point about being mentally flexible and how that is really a good thing in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The black and white comments are weird. I had mostly Asian friends in HS in this area and I now live in dupont where my kids’ school is 50% white and pretty equally divided among black, latin , asian for the other 50%. Sure our Mexican food sucks but our Ethiopian is great and our Korean can hang. We are more informed and like substantive conversations. I am sure there are many snobs but nobody I know is one. People in DC are from all over so it’s not homogenous at all.

I noticed way more racism in LA when I lived there. It was actually shocking to me. I had a friend from LA who was giving me advice for how to make a certain recipe and told me to head to the mexican part of town. I told them we didn't have a mexican part of town- that we do have certain ethnic divisions but for the most part everyone is mixed up together, and it's all just kind of a melting pot. They literally didn't believe me.

If you watch the LA riots, which happened in 1992, I mean, that level of racial hatred and the horrific race relations just doesnt happen in DC. Yes we have divisions but for the most part black people are welcomed into the white part of town and vice versa. In Los Angeles at times i felt like I was getting really bad reactions because of the color of my skin (white) in a way I have never experienced in any other part of the US (and I've lived in several major cities). The only thing true is that they do have a larger asian population, but that's largely because asia is much closer to the west coast. And even then, they are often relegated to a particularly area, aka koreatown, whereas in DC you couldn't even identify the "asian" part of town because, as I said, everyone is mixed together.

I’m surprised this was your experience. non-Hispanic whites are a minority in Los Angeles. It is a brown city. Latinos, Koreans, Filipinos, Chinese, Korean, Indian, Persian, Lebanese, Armenian (who are white, but just speaking at how diverse even LA’s white population is!), plus black Angelinos!

Each little group has its town—Thai Town, Little Persia, Koreatown—-but it’s just a concentration of restaurants and shops. People live allllll over the city!

Yes, non hispanic whites make up the minority in Los Angeles as a whole- and the majority on the westside, which is almost entirely white and far and away the wealthiest part of the town. Only a town like Los Angeles could raise up someone like Kelly Osbourne who said, thinking she was being woke, "If we dont let Mexicans in, who will clean your toilets?" And that pretty much sums up Los Angeles. It's not really worth much to have "diversity" if that diversity involves segregation into separate sections. In fact it's the opposite.

Oh, I see. You’re one of those people that think the Westside is the center of the universe. Sadly, some people move to LA or travel here and they see one part of town and they think the entire city is that way. And Kelly Osbourne? 🙄

I am not saying, btw, there is economic or racial justice in Los Angeles. I was just asserting (earlier in the thread) that LA is far more diverse than East coast cities and we all intermingle together more than in some other cities. But. I suppose it’s subjective.