I have a competitive, grandiose sister

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She can't "compete" with her if you aren't constantly sharing information. So stop.

*with you

[Anonymous]

Her playing with the truth: two scenarios of her relaying on a cousin group chat things she did for my mother. Me and others say that's great, give kudos, I am talking to my mother later in week, say itxs great she did that, my mother will clarify she actually did not do it, that kind of thing. In another group chat we were all discussing what we pd for our weddings 25 years ago, how much we all paid ourselves, what our parents contributed. She said my parents gave her nothing. This bothered me because my parents would never do that, and confused me since i recalled my mother said to me, "i will give you what i gave your sisters" I said it on text, as well as our mother giving child care for 12 years, she texted me angrily and privately saying i was out of line for confronting her. That kind of thing...lectures on her strict pandemic standards and no indoor contact, then hearing about her indoor gatherings or seeing pics. That kind of thing..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She can't "compete" with her if you aren't constantly sharing information. So stop.

*with you

True, not constant but yea we talk, as does my mother.

[Anonymous]

Who knows op what is the real truth? Are you sure your mom is not forgetting things?
My mom invents new information on occasion. My mom doesn't have dementia, yet all of a sudden things that she did or didn't do are changing. Your mom is 80, how reliable is everything she says? Why are you having up things from the past? How petty to have "caught" your sister in a lie from 25 years ago? Are you sure that you have all the facts? You recall your mom saying something and now it is a fight? How do you know your sister ever got a penny?
I mean, shouldn't your sister know what she got, instead of "I recall mom saying..."
I would not take a thing your mom said once as proof of her giving your sister money.
Did you verify with your older sister if the sister actually did not organize a chat? What a thing to get worked over!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who knows op what is the real truth? Are you sure your mom is not forgetting things?
My mom invents new information on occasion. My mom doesn't have dementia, yet all of a sudden things that she did or didn't do are changing. Your mom is 80, how reliable is everything she says? Why are you having up things from the past? How petty to have "caught" your sister in a lie from 25 years ago? Are you sure that you have all the facts? You recall your mom saying something and now it is a fight? How do you know your sister ever got a penny?
I mean, shouldn't your sister know what she got, instead of "I recall mom saying..."
I would not take a thing your mom said once as proof of her giving your sister money.
Did you verify with your older sister if the sister actually did not organize a chat? What a thing to get worked over!

Thanks everyone for your help. Poster above, the "lie" is not 25 years old, it was conveyed on a group chat a couple of weeks ago. Yes my mother is lucid, no it's not a fight, it's part of an overall pattern of impression management, a pp asked about how she plays with the truth. You're missing the emotional tone...i am not worked up over that. Thanks for your feedback but your last two lines i don't even understand. My older sister was not on the chat, it was with cousins. And that instance did not precipitate our current issue. It was just to provide a flavor for how my sister can be.

[Anonymous]

I don't get the grandiose part? What is your sister grandiose about?

[Anonymous]

Correction above, i meant my oldest sister was not on the chat, middle was obviously. All the wedding money stuff are facts, I witnessed her planning in real time and yes i knew my mother gave us equal amounts. Sister copped to it and acknowledged it when confronted.

[Anonymous]

Thanks again everyone
Op

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Her playing with the truth: two scenarios of her relaying on a cousin group chat things she did for my mother. Me and others say that's great, give kudos, I am talking to my mother later in week, say itxs great she did that, my mother will clarify she actually did not do it, that kind of thing. In another group chat we were all discussing what we pd for our weddings 25 years ago, how much we all paid ourselves, what our parents contributed. She said my parents gave her nothing. This bothered me because my parents would never do that, and confused me since i recalled my mother said to me, "i will give you what i gave your sisters" I said it on text, as well as our mother giving child care for 12 years, she texted me angrily and privately saying i was out of line for confronting her. That kind of thing...lectures on her strict pandemic standards and no indoor contact, then hearing about her indoor gatherings or seeing pics. That kind of thing..

This clarifies it. You are a drama queen.

[Anonymous]

OP, I don't question that your sister is a bit of pill. And she is who she is and you are you. But you do seem intent on justifying why you are feeling so bothered and victimized. She said something cruel? Call her out.

But I do think some of your behavior (anxious to call out her lies--I hope that was one-on-one, not a group txt!) is influenced by the guilt you might feel about not being there. You mention your large extended family several times (usually as a way to diminish your middle sister's efforts, I would note) . My guess is you are secretly worried that your extended family may be forming an opinion of you as the absent, checked out daughter. And that is troubling to you. And your middle sister is in a position to say things that will influence your extended family's opinion of you. So you seem hyper sensitive and ready to call her out and correct her.

I think you need to talk to a therapist and get this sorted. Again, I don't question for a minute that your sister is a jerk to you a lot of the time. But I think your behavior is being cause by more than just a reaction to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Her playing with the truth: two scenarios of her relaying on a cousin group chat things she did for my mother. Me and others say that's great, give kudos, I am talking to my mother later in week, say itxs great she did that, my mother will clarify she actually did not do it, that kind of thing. In another group chat we were all discussing what we pd for our weddings 25 years ago, how much we all paid ourselves, what our parents contributed. She said my parents gave her nothing. This bothered me because my parents would never do that, and confused me since i recalled my mother said to me, "i will give you what i gave your sisters" I said it on text, as well as our mother giving child care for 12 years, she texted me angrily and privately saying i was out of line for confronting her. That kind of thing...lectures on her strict pandemic standards and no indoor contact, then hearing about her indoor gatherings or seeing pics. That kind of thing..

OP, don't give these lepers any more examples, it doesn't matter. They want to feel better about themselves.

I am the PP whose friend goes through this with her sister. It became weird when the sister started claiming friend's life story examples (no matter how small) as her own. It just gets more weird with someone like that.

Don't share your triumphs with her - just keep it neutral, and find some god friends who are on the same page, who won't go into high gear hate when something good happens to you.

Your sister has a personality disorder. If you talk to a professional, it will help you sort your family issues out better.

[Anonymous]

What sort of assets do your parents have? Sounds like she's going to steal everything and tell you to piss off when they croak.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't get the grandiose part? What is your sister grandiose about?

Exactly. I bet her sister would say "I have a whiny, insecure sister."

[Anonymous]

OP, your sister is narcissist or NPD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, your sister is narcissist or NPD.

OP, I read a lot of this thread and most of it is sh-t. You seem smart, so did you ever consider that some of your family members are toxic?