Feel like I screwed up Halloween for my kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The past 7+ months I've heard the phrase "our kids have already lost so much" countless times. And, my friends, I'm over it. It's a bit pathetic, in my opinion, that as adults we are perpetuating the victim mentality for our kids instead of teaching them the art of grit and pivoting in unexpected or challenging times. Using a current issue as an example, are kids really going to "suffer" if they don't trick or treat? No. Only if WE (the adults) model a "loss" mindset. What if, instead, families looked at it as a way to plan a really fun evening? Maybe doing a family art project, bobbing for apples in mixing bowls, packaging up sweet treats to door drop for neighbors, creating a spooky themed meal together. I assure you, if WE (the adults) started finding the OPPORTUNITY instead of inflating the perceived losses, we may actually find that we have opportunities to create lasting memories for our children. They'll remember that year they had a SPECIAL Halloween instead of trick or treating like every other year. Shift your OWN perspective so we can look back at this time and remember how much our kids (and ourselves) LEARNED during the pandemic, not lost.

My aunt posted this recently, and I mostly agree. People acting devastated that their kids can't do what they do in normal years is overly dramatic - if you have a good attitude, the kids won't think it's a big deal. Shield them from seeing social media postings of kids going out trick or treating, and do fun things at home. We had a "candy hunt" yesterday - Dh and I hid 40 pieces of candy around the house and let our 4 kids go nuts finding them. That was right before lunch. Then they could eat candy after lunch while we roasted pumpkin seeds. No, it wasn't as exciting as going out to different houses and seeing everyones costumes, but everything is a bit different this year. And that's okay - we're staying safe and keeping others safe by staying home.

My perspective is a little different. I'm trying to teach my kids to think a little bit for themselves, and determine for themselves, what they think is right. For example, our family doesnt eat at restaurants and no longer does Crossfit (including kids Crossfit).

But we spoke about ToT and we all agreed it was safe.

So its not about pivoting, it's about individual thought, questioning authority, and to a degree, speaking truth to power.

My kids, in grades 3 and 5, were smart enough to ask why do adults get to stay out late at restaurants but we're not suppose to go trick of treating? It was a fair question, and one I couldn't answer.

so we went ToTing. It was perfectly safe, and they had a great time

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The past 7+ months I've heard the phrase "our kids have already lost so much" countless times. And, my friends, I'm over it. It's a bit pathetic, in my opinion, that as adults we are perpetuating the victim mentality for our kids instead of teaching them the art of grit and pivoting in unexpected or challenging times. Using a current issue as an example, are kids really going to "suffer" if they don't trick or treat? No. Only if WE (the adults) model a "loss" mindset. What if, instead, families looked at it as a way to plan a really fun evening? Maybe doing a family art project, bobbing for apples in mixing bowls, packaging up sweet treats to door drop for neighbors, creating a spooky themed meal together. I assure you, if WE (the adults) started finding the OPPORTUNITY instead of inflating the perceived losses, we may actually find that we have opportunities to create lasting memories for our children. They'll remember that year they had a SPECIAL Halloween instead of trick or treating like every other year. Shift your OWN perspective so we can look back at this time and remember how much our kids (and ourselves) LEARNED during the pandemic, not lost.

My aunt posted this recently, and I mostly agree. People acting devastated that their kids can't do what they do in normal years is overly dramatic - if you have a good attitude, the kids won't think it's a big deal. Shield them from seeing social media postings of kids going out trick or treating, and do fun things at home. We had a "candy hunt" yesterday - Dh and I hid 40 pieces of candy around the house and let our 4 kids go nuts finding them. That was right before lunch. Then they could eat candy after lunch while we roasted pumpkin seeds. No, it wasn't as exciting as going out to different houses and seeing everyones costumes, but everything is a bit different this year. And that's okay - we're staying safe and keeping others safe by staying home.

You know, your aunt is correct. My DD has had to miss out on her school promotion ceremony, year end recital, vacation, seeing family and friends regularly, not to mention school. And while disappointed, she’s really taken it all like a trooper. That being said, we made a last minute decision to take her trick or treating on Saturday. I’m sure she would have enjoyed (yet another) family night in, but at the end of ToTing she exclaimed it was the best night ever. For that alone, I’m glad we participated in what really is a low risk activity. It’s going to be a long winter, I’m hoping we can find more low risk activities to bring some joy back into these kids’ lives.

Totally agree - I am really in agreement generally with the Aunt, we show our kids how to be resilient to this and thinking everything is such an enormous loss our kids won't recover from is not helpful. But finding some special joys for our kids during these times while considering risk and our community, is great too. OP you will find ways to do that, don't worry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually thought it was the best halloween ever. Everyone sitting outside and the extra decorations made it awesome! Versus having to ring doorbells.

I agree, I really liked this format.

Totally agree and I heard that from so many people. I think a lot of it will stick next year and beyond. People sitting outside with their fire pit waving while kids grab a bag (vs as the parent waving to your neighbor from the sidewalk while you barely see them from behind the door), people coming up with all sorts of creative ideas for how to have the candy (hung on clothes lines, tables, shoots, on pegs throughout the yard), it all felt really warm and community driven. Like everyone came together to find a way that lowered risk and allowed some engagement. We didn't go beyond our street but it was lovely for that.

+1 I've been on next door and facebook quite a bit, making note of the people who said they would have chutes or individual treat bags, and I actually mapped out a route. I live in Clarendon, and if people are crowding into bars, there is absolutely no reason why my child cannot partake in safe outdoor activities. It was super special - better than regular Halloween.

The family we were joining with had the gall to say "we are not going to get candy, we are just going to look at the decorations." I was like "well ok, we have our bucket and are going to collect candy." In the end, their poor kid was trying to catch candy with his bare hands from candy chutes. So stupid.

[Anonymous]

Nothing is screwed up for kids. I took off from work early one of the weekdays and took them to a pumpkin patch. We met with a few families during Halloween day and did socially distanced ToT. Lots of Haloween related crafts/ activities in the last couple of weeks. We explained to the kid that there is no ToT this year so we took them to the store and they picked out a few full-sized candies of their choice. On the evening of, we all got dressed up, watched a movie, and then took a walk around our block to check out the decorations. We did come across a couple of houses with candies outside. We let our kid pick those and used hand sanitizers right after.

Life isn't in all black and white, there are plenty of shades of gray to go around. And no even if you didn't do all this, your kid's Halloween isn't screwed. Its life, it sucks right now, but it still is a pretty good one that most of us on this forum are living.

[Anonymous]

We live near downtown Silver Spring and typically get like 100 kids for Trick or Treating. Didn't get a single one this year. We organized a street socially distanced, masked parade, and a few people had tables out. Kids understood that this year was different and we made the best of it.

[Anonymous]

Our county sent emails asking people not to ToT. Most everyone realized how stupid that was. It’s an outside activity that is easy to make precautions. Wear a mask, only go with your family, and don’t knock on doors. Every, and I mean EVERY, house had a table or bowl set up at the end of driveways. It was a ton fun. I am no COVID denier, quiet the opposite, thankfully most people used common sense on this one.

Same here in a very liberal, anti-Trump neighborhood. Socially distanced, candy on tables and thr. chutes. No doorbells rung. Kids in masks and not within 20 ft of any other person much less 6 ft. It was close to zero risk. It's like everyone has taken leave of all reason and risk assessment.

[Anonymous]

We didnt ToT either and my kids were also upset. I didn't think any of it would happen and by the time I realized most people were going to ToT, I didn't have costumes and I told the kids that absolutely no ToT without costumes. We did other activities and I tried not to be bothered by Facebook. We did drop off Boo candy at friends homes and that made them happy. Of course they also noticed that no one returned the favor but that's another lesson they learned--we do things without expectations of a return. It's how it goes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We didnt ToT either and my kids were also upset. I didn't think any of it would happen and by the time I realized most people were going to ToT, I didn't have costumes and I told the kids that absolutely no ToT without costumes. We did other activities and I tried not to be bothered by Facebook. We did drop off Boo candy at friends homes and that made them happy. Of course they also noticed that no one returned the favor but that's another lesson they learned--we do things without expectations of a return. It's how it goes.

I’m trying to say this as nicely as possible - but you could probably stand to learn a lesson on homemade creativity / winging it / don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm rarely negatively affected by Facebook, but damn, it feels like we are the only ones who didn't go trick-or-treating. They were upset, too, even though we tied to make a fun at-home party. Our city asked people not to trick-or-treat so we followed that request. Just feeling like I let my kids down.

Blah.

You didn't there will be next year. They will forget I promise. Kids are pretty great!

[Anonymous]

We had contactless bagged treats available,most people in our neighborhood did. Outside, with masks, trick or treating was fine. Especially in sfh neighborhoods.

Counties probably has to discourage people because most have no common sense and apartments and condos would be more dangerous for trick-or-treating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We didnt ToT either and my kids were also upset. I didn't think any of it would happen and by the time I realized most people were going to ToT, I didn't have costumes and I told the kids that absolutely no ToT without costumes. We did other activities and I tried not to be bothered by Facebook. We did drop off Boo candy at friends homes and that made them happy. Of course they also noticed that no one returned the favor but that's another lesson they learned--we do things without expectations of a return. It's how it goes.

I’m trying to say this as nicely as possible - but you could probably stand to learn a lesson on homemade creativity / winging it / don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good yourself.

+1. What is with the harsh parenting on Halloween? You screwed up and then forbade the kids to go without a costume? You're really doing a number on your kids by being so inflexible. It was so nice to see kids out being kids on Halloween nobody would have looked the other way at ones without a costume. You could have at least scribbled something on a t-shirt like "This is my costume" as a joke and let the kids go out and enjoy themselves for a few minutes. Hopefully your kids will have a sense of humor about it and remind you in future years of the year you didn't let them go.

[Anonymous]

We went trick or treating in our neighborhood and saw only one other family. We did not ring any doorbells, and about 1/2 of our neighbors set out candy on tables or in bowls on their steps. We saw two other families out trick or treating, and out of the 25 bags of candy I put together, 15 were taken.

[Anonymous]

OP here and I didn't think ToT was happening. No one on our street was handing out candy, though I see now that things were happening on other streets in our neighborhood. Also, we had a fun plan in store for the kids -- a backyard party with a scavenger hunt, halloween-themed pinata, games... and while we still did that, each of our kids was allowed to invite 1 classmate. The classmates did not come because my 4YO came down with a cold.

Once I realized ToT was happening, we may have done that, but my 4YO had a cold...

My 6YO was fine with the party idea and was fine not ToT, up until when we realized their friends couldn't come.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here and I didn't think ToT was happening. No one on our street was handing out candy, though I see now that things were happening on other streets in our neighborhood. Also, we had a fun plan in store for the kids -- a backyard party with a scavenger hunt, halloween-themed pinata, games... and while we still did that, each of our kids was allowed to invite 1 classmate. The classmates did not come because my 4YO came down with a cold.

Once I realized ToT was happening, we may have done that, but my 4YO had a cold...

My 6YO was fine with the party idea and was fine not ToT, up until when we realized their friends couldn't come.

So you didn't really screw up Halloween. You just didn't teach your kids to "enjoy the wow that's happening now," as Daniel Tiger would say. It's something kids need to learn, so this is a good opportunity for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here and I didn't think ToT was happening. No one on our street was handing out candy, though I see now that things were happening on other streets in our neighborhood. Also, we had a fun plan in store for the kids -- a backyard party with a scavenger hunt, halloween-themed pinata, games... and while we still did that, each of our kids was allowed to invite 1 classmate. The classmates did not come because my 4YO came down with a cold.

Once I realized ToT was happening, we may have done that, but my 4YO had a cold...

My 6YO was fine with the party idea and was fine not ToT, up until when we realized their friends couldn't come.

So you didn't really screw up Halloween. You just didn't teach your kids to "enjoy the wow that's happening now," as Daniel Tiger would say. It's something kids need to learn, so this is a good opportunity for that.

They did have fun, and that is a big thing we both teach and model for our children. That doesn't mean they don't get disappointed. It's normal and okay to still feel disappointed sometimes. They had fun with the activities we planned, and my 4YO was completely fine, but my 6Yo really missed being with friends/others.