Feel like I screwed up Halloween for my kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The past 7+ months I've heard the phrase "our kids have already lost so much" countless times. And, my friends, I'm over it. It's a bit pathetic, in my opinion, that as adults we are perpetuating the victim mentality for our kids instead of teaching them the art of grit and pivoting in unexpected or challenging times. Using a current issue as an example, are kids really going to "suffer" if they don't trick or treat? No. Only if WE (the adults) model a "loss" mindset. What if, instead, families looked at it as a way to plan a really fun evening? Maybe doing a family art project, bobbing for apples in mixing bowls, packaging up sweet treats to door drop for neighbors, creating a spooky themed meal together. I assure you, if WE (the adults) started finding the OPPORTUNITY instead of inflating the perceived losses, we may actually find that we have opportunities to create lasting memories for our children. They'll remember that year they had a SPECIAL Halloween instead of trick or treating like every other year. Shift your OWN perspective so we can look back at this time and remember how much our kids (and ourselves) LEARNED during the pandemic, not lost.

My aunt posted this recently, and I mostly agree. People acting devastated that their kids can't do what they do in normal years is overly dramatic - if you have a good attitude, the kids won't think it's a big deal. Shield them from seeing social media postings of kids going out trick or treating, and do fun things at home. We had a "candy hunt" yesterday - Dh and I hid 40 pieces of candy around the house and let our 4 kids go nuts finding them. That was right before lunch. Then they could eat candy after lunch while we roasted pumpkin seeds. No, it wasn't as exciting as going out to different houses and seeing everyones costumes, but everything is a bit different this year. And that's okay - we're staying safe and keeping others safe by staying home.

I agree with your aunt. We had a fantastic Halloween because there was no way that I was letting a Halloween Full Moon go to waste!!!

[Anonymous]

I'm frankly shocked you didn't trick or treat. It was so safe. Bags on tables and everyone masked. What would be the issue? Even if you didn't want them to get candy, it was festive just parading down the street. Everyone in my neighborhood was a the end of the streets sitting at bonfires.

[Anonymous]

I actually thought it was the best halloween ever. Everyone sitting outside and the extra decorations made it awesome! Versus having to ring doorbells.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm rarely negatively affected by Facebook, but damn, it feels like we are the only ones who didn't go trick-or-treating. They were upset, too, even though we tied to make a fun at-home party. Our city asked people not to trick-or-treat so we followed that request. Just feeling like I let my kids down.

Blah.

Yes you made a mistake and overreacted but it happens. You can admit it and apologize to your kids. I’m so glad we went trick or treating in MoCo. Neighbors were so creative and festive (candy bags on stair steps, hung on clothes pins, pvc tubes, pulley systems). It honestly raised my spirits 10000 percent to see people come together to safely give the kids some fun. We’ve gone off the deep end as a society. Use common sense to identify the real danger. Hint: it’s not collecting a candy bag from a clothes pin and waving to a neighbor. Listen to the public health experts. They are screaming at you not to gather with friends and family indoors for the holidays and not to eat inside at bars and restaurants. Listen to them.

[Anonymous]

We did not ToT. Numbers in our area are on the verge of shutting down schools as it is (private ones — public not even open). My oldest does not like candy, my youngest is 3 and barely remembers last year. Oldest had a Halloween parade in costume at school. They went to our neighbor’s house and we exchanged candy outside, which was cute. Carved a pumpkin and did an in home movie theater with a huge concession stand where they could buy all kinds of treats. It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown! They LOVED it. It was actually our first family movie night.

My parenting philosophy is to hold back on indulgences and go slow. That way they appreciate everything a lot more. It has helped in this pandemic where the little things go a long way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I actually thought it was the best halloween ever. Everyone sitting outside and the extra decorations made it awesome! Versus having to ring doorbells.

I agree, I really liked this format.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually thought it was the best halloween ever. Everyone sitting outside and the extra decorations made it awesome! Versus having to ring doorbells.

I agree, I really liked this format.

+1. We're definitely bringing the candy chute back for next year. Who wants to climb stairs?

[Anonymous]

We didn't ToT. My kid did an outdoor Halloween scavenger and candy hunt with her friend, they bobbed for apples, and painted pumpkins. I asked her if she missed ToTing, and she said no, she had a great time. Her Halloween was really fun (and she ended up with plenty of candy). I think adults can put too much weight on specific things, when kids are often much more flexible. My kid would have been disappointed not to get to dress up in a costume, because she loves that part, but she was thrilled to have an extended, candy-filled playdate with a friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Except if everyone thought masks, distance, outdoors = fine, then it would have been crowded in a lot of neighborhoods, social distancing would not be possible, and it wouldn't be fine at all.

+1

Wrong. Because they’d be wearing masks and they WORK. Masks work. 🙄

Masks help, but they don't always work or we wouldn't be increasing numbers so quickly.

It's true that no single measure works 100% -- that's true of everything, including seat belts. But our numbers are going up because people aren't wearing masks. They are eating at restaurants, removing masks on airplanes, chatting unmasked with less distance than they should, or just flat out refusing to wear them at all.

+1 I am extremely cautious but outdoors, distanced, with masks has shown to be very, very low risk. That said Op I'm sorry - it's so hard to make all of these decisions, and you didn't do anything wrong. Lots of people made the same choice and we're all just doing our best to navigate this. Don't be too hard on yourself, the constant decisions and managing of risk is wearing us all out.

[Anonymous]

ToT this year was the best!! I never want to go back to ringing doorbells again. We wore masks, didn't group with anyone else, and ran driveway to driveway picking up the prepackaged goodie bags that everyone left out. Then my kids got a bunch of glow stick and danced around the street watching everyone else in their costumes.

It was one of my favorite days this year! OP I'm sorry you gave in to fear instead of logic, and sorry that you couldn't come up with a creative solution to make your family enjoy the holiday (there are ways to do it safely and/or ways to do it at home, just takes a bit of effort).

[Anonymous]

We let our kids know go trick or treating but they were not allowed to go up to doors. This neighborhood is mostly empty nesters but usually tons of kids come ToT. 75% of the houses had treats set up at the curb and the residents were sitting outside at least 20 feet away. Lots of houses got really creative with their displays and had the candy spaced out so kids could take their treats without touching any other candy. Our kids ended up being one of only three groups of kids trick or treating so the residents told my kids to take more candy. After 30 min they had a reusable Trader Joes bag full. Everyone was so excited to see the kids from a safe distance. In previous years only about 50% of the houses would have their lights on to give out candy. I think this year people needed something fun to look forward to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually thought it was the best halloween ever. Everyone sitting outside and the extra decorations made it awesome! Versus having to ring doorbells.

I agree, I really liked this format.

Totally agree and I heard that from so many people. I think a lot of it will stick next year and beyond. People sitting outside with their fire pit waving while kids grab a bag (vs as the parent waving to your neighbor from the sidewalk while you barely see them from behind the door), people coming up with all sorts of creative ideas for how to have the candy (hung on clothes lines, tables, shoots, on pegs throughout the yard), it all felt really warm and community driven. Like everyone came together to find a way that lowered risk and allowed some engagement. We didn't go beyond our street but it was lovely for that.

[Anonymous]

I mean chutes not shoots ha

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had one person knock at our door even though the porch light wasn’t on. We had candy so I masked up and gave the little kid some candy, but my son was mad. “How come she gets to go out.” I just told him that other families made different choices, and even though I did not think it was smart, I wasn’t going to not give a small child some candy. They will all get over it.

I can understand your kids being mad at you for this.

That was not a good move, mom. You didn’t have to open the door.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The past 7+ months I've heard the phrase "our kids have already lost so much" countless times. And, my friends, I'm over it. It's a bit pathetic, in my opinion, that as adults we are perpetuating the victim mentality for our kids instead of teaching them the art of grit and pivoting in unexpected or challenging times. Using a current issue as an example, are kids really going to "suffer" if they don't trick or treat? No. Only if WE (the adults) model a "loss" mindset. What if, instead, families looked at it as a way to plan a really fun evening? Maybe doing a family art project, bobbing for apples in mixing bowls, packaging up sweet treats to door drop for neighbors, creating a spooky themed meal together. I assure you, if WE (the adults) started finding the OPPORTUNITY instead of inflating the perceived losses, we may actually find that we have opportunities to create lasting memories for our children. They'll remember that year they had a SPECIAL Halloween instead of trick or treating like every other year. Shift your OWN perspective so we can look back at this time and remember how much our kids (and ourselves) LEARNED during the pandemic, not lost.

My aunt posted this recently, and I mostly agree. People acting devastated that their kids can't do what they do in normal years is overly dramatic - if you have a good attitude, the kids won't think it's a big deal. Shield them from seeing social media postings of kids going out trick or treating, and do fun things at home. We had a "candy hunt" yesterday - Dh and I hid 40 pieces of candy around the house and let our 4 kids go nuts finding them. That was right before lunch. Then they could eat candy after lunch while we roasted pumpkin seeds. No, it wasn't as exciting as going out to different houses and seeing everyones costumes, but everything is a bit different this year. And that's okay - we're staying safe and keeping others safe by staying home.

You know, your aunt is correct. My DD has had to miss out on her school promotion ceremony, year end recital, vacation, seeing family and friends regularly, not to mention school. And while disappointed, she’s really taken it all like a trooper. That being said, we made a last minute decision to take her trick or treating on Saturday. I’m sure she would have enjoyed (yet another) family night in, but at the end of ToTing she exclaimed it was the best night ever. For that alone, I’m glad we participated in what really is a low risk activity. It’s going to be a long winter, I’m hoping we can find more low risk activities to bring some joy back into these kids’ lives.