Is it ethical of me to cut off my 75 yo sister financially? - more inside

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Surprised no one has mentioned that the roommate likely has rights. She would need to be forcibly evicted if you are going to have any chance at a successful sale. See a lawyer ASAP.

That's right. This person is legally squatting on trust property.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Surprised no one has mentioned that the roommate likely has rights. She would need to be forcibly evicted if you are going to have any chance at a successful sale. See a lawyer ASAP.

That's right. This person is legally squatting on trust property.

Well, she's crazy, so she's probably not going to be examining her legal right to squat.

But it would be a kindness to try to help her at the same time OP is trying to resolve the situation for her sister. Hate to see anyone end up on the street because they have nobody to advocate on their behalf.

[Anonymous]

OP, lots of folks weighing in here, many with sensible ideas.

I had similar situation with my mom who had little money at the end (my parents had modest jobs, lived a frugal life, but both lived another 25-30 years after retirement). We also were not flush with cash at that time, but in the best financial spot compared to my siblings. Best thing I did was first speak with county social services program focusing on seniors. Had a few conversations, then online research on what we discussed to see if it matched up with state/federal regs. Then I spoke with a lawyer with an elder law speciality. Seek referrals and speak with a few folks as some exist to soak seniors and nothing more than that. See if what they say aligns with the senior services folks.

Your sister may ultimately need to be in a memory care or mental health living situation. I am not certain she would qualify for assisted living based on your description. Medicaid does not pay for assisted living save aides in homes, but some states do not offer. I would ask what are the state/federal income/asset guidelines for your sister to qualify for Medicaid for LTC. Also ask how easily she would qualify given her current circumstances - be COMPLETELY transparent about any income she receives or assets she has in her name. We spent down our mom's assets, sold her home (fortunately we cleared the mortgage so we didn't have to bring $ to the sale), and once all that money was close to being spent, we applied her for Medicaid. This process can be cumbersome and you will have the most success if you work with a lawyer who has had success with getting applicants qualified - ask those questions!

Be honest when talking with senior services. Tell them you have done the best you can over the years, but your own family challenges coupled with your sister's ever-increasing needs and difficulties have reached a point where a plan for her next phase of life is needed and possibly intervention to make happen.

OP, good luck - not easy - take care.

[Anonymous]

Evict them. Sell the house. Split the cash with your sister. Notify social services. She’s on her own after that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, lots of folks weighing in here, many with sensible ideas.

I had similar situation with my mom who had little money at the end (my parents had modest jobs, lived a frugal life, but both lived another 25-30 years after retirement). We also were not flush with cash at that time, but in the best financial spot compared to my siblings. Best thing I did was first speak with county social services program focusing on seniors. Had a few conversations, then online research on what we discussed to see if it matched up with state/federal regs. Then I spoke with a lawyer with an elder law speciality. Seek referrals and speak with a few folks as some exist to soak seniors and nothing more than that. See if what they say aligns with the senior services folks.

Your sister may ultimately need to be in a memory care or mental health living situation. I am not certain she would qualify for assisted living based on your description. Medicaid does not pay for assisted living save aides in homes, but some states do not offer. I would ask what are the state/federal income/asset guidelines for your sister to qualify for Medicaid for LTC. Also ask how easily she would qualify given her current circumstances - be COMPLETELY transparent about any income she receives or assets she has in her name. We spent down our mom's assets, sold her home (fortunately we cleared the mortgage so we didn't have to bring $ to the sale), and once all that money was close to being spent, we applied her for Medicaid. This process can be cumbersome and you will have the most success if you work with a lawyer who has had success with getting applicants qualified - ask those questions!

Be honest when talking with senior services. Tell them you have done the best you can over the years, but your own family challenges coupled with your sister's ever-increasing needs and difficulties have reached a point where a plan for her next phase of life is needed and possibly intervention to make happen.

OP, good luck - not easy - take care.

Wow - this is really well explained.