Is it rude to use They and not made up pronoun

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD's partner uses what I think are made up pronouns. At least I've never heard them before. I feel a bit silly using them and much prefer to default to they. Would that be extremely rude? I'm not going to name the pronouns but they're unique and not even ze/zir, per/pers, ey/em, xe/xem, etc, which I think are pretty infrequently used but I've heard of before

If you can't use he or she, you are dealing with people who have disordered thinking. Don't indulge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is rude for the partner to require the whole world to use made up words and new speech patterns just to feel validated. What if everyone did this?

Bingo

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dey/dem is also how my Chicago-born full German grandpa spoke. He was a blue collar “dese, dem, and dose” guy a la SNL “Bill Swerski’s Superfans” - so it is not necessarily a blaccent (unless it is)

They perform as a drag king rapper so it's definitely Blaccent

Wait - what? He performs as a drag king rapper? Where did your DD even meet this guy? You must give us updates about this guy. No, I wouldn't use this guy's preferred pronouns.

[Anonymous]

It's rude to not even try. It's ok to make a mistake and correct yourself.

I don't find that pronouns come up much. "Is Larla coming to dinner" doesn't require pronouns. If you would normally follow that with "What does he like to eat," then "What does Larlo like to eat" is a fine replacement.


It gets ridiculous pretty fast.

I hope Larlo's bringing Larlo's famous brownies. I enjoyed them so much last time Larlo was here. I heard Larlo learned the recipe when Larlo was growing up from Larlo's grandma.

Not really. Just tweak your phrasing.

I hope Larlo's bringing those famous brownies. I enjoyed them so much last time. I heard Larlo learned the recipe from grandma growing up.

[Anonymous]

I feel like the default should always be to compassion, empathy, and kindness. I'll use whatever pronouns you ask me to use because I'm not an asshole. I might slip up occasionally. But I will do my best.

[Anonymous]

The worst stupidity either way. How come I am i, one single person, but they are They. BS. They are not the queen of England nor the Emperor of China or Russia.
From now I will refer to myself as WE!

[Anonymous]

I think that if you use she or he to refer to a non-binary person, it is incredibly rude and prejudiced. You are denying their identity as a non-binary person by insisting that you know what they are and they do not. It’s no different than calling a woman “sir.”

If you use they and not a different preferred pronoun, you are not denying their identity as a non-binary person. Just declining to use a weird pronoun.

I would use a made up pronoun if it was a colleague or something, but if it was my child I would say no, I am not referring to you as “ze.”

[Anonymous]

You sound like a very supportive parent. I cannot imagine. I feel like you are at level 10 already of being supportive of DC. I agree, this feels like a step too far but then again I'd have spun out way before you have. Feels really preposterous to use "dey, dem" Wow.

[Anonymous]

It's simple...she/her if they have a vagina, and he/him if they have a penis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is rude for the partner to require the whole world to use made up words and new speech patterns just to feel validated. What if everyone did this?

+1

[Anonymous]

Wait, is “blaccent” an accepted commonly used word?

[Anonymous]

It’s an insane level of narcissism to dictate the word used to describe you when you’re not even there.

It’s insane narcisssism to make up an obscure pronoun for yourself and insist on it in the first place.

[Anonymous]

Dey be very vain and attention seeking.

[Anonymous]

People on this thread are so incredibly misinformed.

If somebody just refuses to believe the very basic fact that gender is not binary, their opinion on the matter is useless.

[Anonymous]

IMO the level of groupthink required for people to be deemed "supportive" these days around this issue is just ridiculous. And I'm a liberal. For those of us who treasure correct language using a plural to denote a singular person is absurd and wrong and really grates on the ears. It is a weird perversion of a minority rule situation to force the vast majority of people to entirely switch some of themes common usage in the language to support their identity issues. I would rather support the coining of a new gender-neutral new pronoun (similar to the coining of "Ms." in the 1970s) that we all agree to use.