Is it rude to use They and not made up pronoun

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Upon consideration, I think I will just omit pronouns and use the proper noun. I think the partner is pronoun borders on cultural appropriation And it just feels wrong to use it

How is it cultural appropriation?

It's African-American Vernacular English (AAVE) and as far as I can tell SO is not AA and neither are DD and I. If you must know it's a variation of the "them" pronouns - dey/dem/demselfs
SO speaks with a blacent, and it feels like vocal blackface to me. I don't know maybe dey're code switching. I don't know enough of SO's history. Don't want to bring it up to DD, just want to be supportive.

Yikes.

Yeah, no. I wouldn't use it due to the cultural appropriation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Upon consideration, I think I will just omit pronouns and use the proper noun. I think the partner is pronoun borders on cultural appropriation And it just feels wrong to use it

How is it cultural appropriation?

It's African-American Vernacular English (AAVE) and as far as I can tell SO is not AA and neither are DD and I. If you must know it's a variation of the "them" pronouns - dey/dem/demselfs
SO speaks with a blacent, and it feels like vocal blackface to me. I don't know maybe dey're code switching. I don't know enough of SO's history. Don't want to bring it up to DD, just want to be supportive.

Yikes.

Yeah, no. I wouldn't use it due to the cultural appropriation.

Oh holy cow that is offensive. I hope you don’t go out in public with them.

[Anonymous]

Oh my, OP. I’d definitely bring this up with my DD in a non-threatening way. “DD, Help your old mom/dad understand, what’s the origin of partner’s pronouns? I know that what’s accepted changes all the time, when I was growing up, these would be considered cultural appropriation. Can you explain the new thinking to me?”

This is so odd. Does DD have a history of dating weirdos?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It doesn’t stop. Language evolves. I’m 45 and it annoys me sometimes because I don’t want to hold all this new stuff in my head. Not enough room. Lol. But I adore my kids and their friends. I’ll call them what ever they want.

This. It seems silly and annoys me too, but this is the equivalent of a dad in 1967 getting mad at a son with long hair. It's a matter of personal expression that does no harm; respect it and save your concern for substantive issues.

[Anonymous]

Don’t buy into Larlx’s wacko world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh my, OP. I’d definitely bring this up with my DD in a non-threatening way. “DD, Help your old mom/dad understand, what’s the origin of partner’s pronouns? I know that what’s accepted changes all the time, when I was growing up, these would be considered cultural appropriation. Can you explain the new thinking to me?”

This is so odd. Does DD have a history of dating weirdos?

This. And then report back here because we are all curious. I’m pro-using peoples‘ preferred pronouns but anti-cultural appropriation. So it is hard to know what is the right approach here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Upon consideration, I think I will just omit pronouns and use the proper noun. I think the partner is pronoun borders on cultural appropriation And it just feels wrong to use it

How is it cultural appropriation?

It's African-American Vernacular English (AAVE) and as far as I can tell SO is not AA and neither are DD and I. If you must know it's a variation of the "them" pronouns - dey/dem/demselfs
SO speaks with a blacent, and it feels like vocal blackface to me. I don't know maybe dey're code switching. I don't know enough of SO's history. Don't want to bring it up to DD, just want to be supportive.

So it’s not made up? It sounds like you’re looking for an excuse to call people what you want to call them, because the title implies you don’t want to use the pronouns because you don’t respect the language (made up), but the follow up post implies you don’t want to use the pronouns because you respect the language too much (cultural appropriation).

[Anonymous]

Dey/dem is the Swedish gender neutral pronoun. I very much doubt that the person in question has appropriated it from AAVE. Dey are probably just Swedish.

You asked if it would be rude, and yes it would be rude. People are rude all the time, and if your own comfort is more important to you than your daughter’s partner”s comfort, then go with it. That’s how etiquette works.

[Anonymous]

I don’t even understand the question! Lol. What kind of pronoun?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dey/dem is the Swedish gender neutral pronoun. I very much doubt that the person in question has appropriated it from AAVE. Dey are probably just Swedish.

You asked if it would be rude, and yes it would be rude. People are rude all the time, and if your own comfort is more important to you than your daughter’s partner”s comfort, then go with it. That’s how etiquette works.

I thought the Swedish gn pronoun was "hen":

https://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2015/03/27/395785965/he-she-or-hen-sweden-s-new-gender-neutral-pronoun

So no.

[Anonymous]

I just avoid using other pronouns in favor of "you" and the persona first name. I deal with the general public, so makes my life much easier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD's partner uses what I think are made up pronouns. At least I've never heard them before. I feel a bit silly using them and much prefer to default to they. Would that be extremely rude? I'm not going to name the pronouns but they're unique and not even ze/zir, per/pers, ey/em, xe/xem, etc, which I think are pretty infrequently used but I've heard of before

You're going to come off as a complete s--thead if you don't use the partner's preferred pronouns. Is your DD happy with their partner? Then suck it up and shut it up.

[Anonymous]

OP, you have no obligation to use someone's made up words any more than you have any obligation to do so regarding any other made up words. A person can call their home a castle but you're not required to do so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dey/dem is the Swedish gender neutral pronoun. I very much doubt that the person in question has appropriated it from AAVE. Dey are probably just Swedish.

You asked if it would be rude, and yes it would be rude. People are rude all the time, and if your own comfort is more important to you than your daughter’s partner”s comfort, then go with it. That’s how etiquette works.

I thought the Swedish gn pronoun was "hen":

https://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2015/03/27/395785965/he-she-or-hen-sweden-s-new-gender-neutral-pronoun

So no.

It's the Swedish equivalent of "they". Hen is a new prounoun (like "hir") whereas dey/dem is an already existing variant, like "they" already exists in English and is gender-neutral.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If someone asks you to use specific terminology to refer to them, then yes of course it is rude not to.

Disagree. It is rude -- and deeply self-absorbed -- to expect people to use made up pronouns to refer to you and only you.