Is it rude to use They and not made up pronoun

[Anonymous]

Dey/dem is also how my Chicago-born full German grandpa spoke. He was a blue collar “dese, dem, and dose” guy a la SNL “Bill Swerski’s Superfans” - so it is not necessarily a blaccent (unless it is)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dey/dem is also how my Chicago-born full German grandpa spoke. He was a blue collar “dese, dem, and dose” guy a la SNL “Bill Swerski’s Superfans” - so it is not necessarily a blaccent (unless it is)

They perform as a drag king rapper so it's definitely Blaccent

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t use made up pronouns. No apologies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone asks you to use specific terminology to refer to them, then yes of course it is rude not to.

Completely disagree. I'm not maintaining a dictionary of terms for each person I meet. If a trans person asked me to refer to them as he or she, I would, but made up words? No way.

Right, because you meet soo many non-cis or trans individuals that you need a whole dictionary to keep them straight.

Just own the transphobia, k?

No, the made up pronouns are too far. Rejecting them is not even remotely transphobia. We already have a nice array of pronouns at our disposal. They works for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD's partner uses what I think are made up pronouns. At least I've never heard them before. I feel a bit silly using them and much prefer to default to they. Would that be extremely rude? I'm not going to name the pronouns but they're unique and not even ze/zir, per/pers, ey/em, xe/xem, etc, which I think are pretty infrequently used but I've heard of before

You're going to come off as a complete s--thead if you don't use the partner's preferred pronouns. Is your DD happy with their partner? Then suck it up and shut it up.

I think people who come up with things like personalized pronouns are so self-involved as to be the complete s--theads. Get over yourselves. It has nothing to do with being trans or non-binary. It has to do with a generation of people that are so used to celebrating themselves to the nth degree continuously on social media.

You are not the center of the universe. Stop the madness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD's partner uses what I think are made up pronouns. At least I've never heard them before. I feel a bit silly using them and much prefer to default to they. Would that be extremely rude? I'm not going to name the pronouns but they're unique and not even ze/zir, per/pers, ey/em, xe/xem, etc, which I think are pretty infrequently used but I've heard of before

You're going to come off as a complete s--thead if you don't use the partner's preferred pronouns. Is your DD happy with their partner? Then suck it up and shut it up.

I think people who come up with things like personalized pronouns are so self-involved as to be the complete s--theads. Get over yourselves. It has nothing to do with being trans or non-binary. It has to do with a generation of people that are so used to celebrating themselves to the nth degree continuously on social media.

You are not the center of the universe. Stop the madness.

Agreed. Just use they. This level of narcissism has to stop. The idea that someone thinks themself so special that they not only have their own unique name but also unique pronouns is beyond absurd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is rude for the partner to require the whole world to use made up words and new speech patterns just to feel validated. What if everyone did this?

I agree, the whole thing thing is dumb. So are the million sexual and gender identities. There’s more important things going on in the world...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dey/dem is also how my Chicago-born full German grandpa spoke. He was a blue collar “dese, dem, and dose” guy a la SNL “Bill Swerski’s Superfans” - so it is not necessarily a blaccent (unless it is)

They perform as a drag king rapper so it's definitely Blaccent

I am not so sure I could bring myself to be supportive without the made up pronouns, so good on you, OP.

[Anonymous]

I find it is an adjustment. I find some names require me to hear them a few times to get right and I wonder if those changing are okay introducing themselves and repeating the pronunciation of the pronouns view the same way?

[Anonymous]

Good Lord. The partner is rude, not you.

[Anonymous]

I hope your daughter find someone less self-absorbed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dey/dem is the Swedish gender neutral pronoun. I very much doubt that the person in question has appropriated it from AAVE. Dey are probably just Swedish.

You asked if it would be rude, and yes it would be rude. People are rude all the time, and if your own comfort is more important to you than your daughter’s partner”s comfort, then go with it. That’s how etiquette works.

I thought the Swedish gn pronoun was "hen":

https://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2015/03/27/395785965/he-she-or-hen-sweden-s-new-gender-neutral-pronoun

So no.

Unless you were actually born in Sweden, I would find appropriating Swedish pronouns extremely problematic and offensive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is rude for the partner to require the whole world to use made up words and new speech patterns just to feel validated. What if everyone did this?

Total chaos/insanity. We have left common sense behind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dey/dem is the Swedish gender neutral pronoun. I very much doubt that the person in question has appropriated it from AAVE. Dey are probably just Swedish.

You asked if it would be rude, and yes it would be rude. People are rude all the time, and if your own comfort is more important to you than your daughter’s partner”s comfort, then go with it. That’s how etiquette works.

I thought the Swedish gn pronoun was "hen":

https://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2015/03/27/395785965/he-she-or-hen-sweden-s-new-gender-neutral-pronoun

So no.

It's the Swedish equivalent of "they". Hen is a new prounoun (like "hir") whereas dey/dem is an already existing variant, like "they" already exists in English and is gender-neutral.

In Swedish, the pronouns for the 3rd person plural are de and dem, which are very similar to the English they and them. If you’ve listened to Swedish you might, however, hear the little word dom replacing these two altogether. What’s up with that?

Sayitinswedish.com

[Anonymous]

This thread is comedy gold.