Do you regret your adoption?

[Anonymous]

Are you serious?
This lady tried to kill me and failed and so I got to live with this one -->
??
For all we know, the one she landed up with could not have children because she already had had 5 abortions!!!!

Where do you get this information? since when is it used in introductions?

You're the odd one, PP. This isn't an "introduction". The PP you're talking about is responding to the question the OP posed and the facts about how she ended up with her adoptive family are part of her story. Her response is in no way strange and I'm sure people are much more candid on an anonymous message board than at a party for instance.

I wonder if some of the differences PPs have noted w/ respect to adoptive children are more due to adopting older kids (normally much more challenging) vs. babies where in the latter case the adoptive family begins to bond with the child virtually from the get-go. Personally, my dad was adopted as a baby and if anything my grandparents doted on him, their only child. He always knew and did investigate his birth parents but it seemed clear from how he relayed it that it was for the better that he'd been adopted vs. being raised by a single mother in the '50s.

[Anonymous]

[i]"I am an adoptee, adopted at birth and I have always known. My birth mom tried to abort me and failed. I ended up with a great home, wonderful parents and am a well adjusted new mom myself (bio kid). I am closer to my mom than anyone else and couldnt be happier. I wanted to adopt too, but DH was afraid."

I am the poster of this comment and I am surprised by the negative reponses. I suppose I could have said things differently, but I just gave the raw facts. My birth mother found out she was pregnant, took lots of pills to see if it would stop the pregnancy and it didn't work. At the time abortion was not legal. Her response, put me up for adoption. She was too young, my bio dad didn't want to raise a family etc. So, my mom wanted to have kids, couldn't, tried for a private adoption, and got me when I was 3 days old! I know the story about my birth mom because my mother told me. We have no secrets. I even know their names and a little bit of their history.So what?

I thought about finding them, and even think I tracked down my bio father. But, that was actually more my mother's curiosity than mine. I don't have any bad feelings toward my bio mom - scaring being young, pregnant and without support. Quite the opposite actually, she brought me into this world, even if against her first wishes. If I ever have the opportunity of communicating with her all I would have to say is "thanks for putting me up for adoption. You did the right thing, and I turned out ok, cheers!"

The issue of gratitute.... I suppose I am grateful. As should any person who had a great childhood. It has nothing to do with being adopted, it just is what it is. Through the years (I am 40) I have met few people who had happy childhoods like mine and for that I am grateful for how my life has turned out. I look at my husband and his childhood was aweful, so much so that he was afraid to have kids because of the memories he has.

Life is good, I am having having a blast with my daughter. My mom in particular was very curious about pregnancy and whether I bonded with my daughter before she was born. My answer to her was, yes. Having my own just let me love her earlier. And, it is kind of neat seeing common physical traits.

So, not sure why the negative comments. Seems to me like anyone, adopted or not, may just have a little gratitude for whomever brought them into this world and raised them.

[Anonymous]

"For all we know, the one she landed up with could not have children because she already had had 5 abortions!!!!"

PP again - oh and my mom didn't have 5 abortions. She was infertile as was my dad. Double whammy!

[Anonymous]

PP, are you for real??
You never met your birth mother, but you know exactly how she tried to have abortions.
Your a-mother never met her, but knows these details?
Did she make this story up? Did the adoptive agency say this to her? Did they say that to every adoptive mother that came along?
Do not regurgitate that kind of talk without some people wondering what is going on?
Either way, there is more to that story, and you have not met your bio-mom so you do not know

[Anonymous]

PP here again. yes I know these details, so what? I know them because the adoption lawyer told my mother why I was being put up for adoption and the attempted abortion at the time was very relevant to my potential health as a newborn. No reason for a lawyer or anyone to make that up. I know some other details too that I didn't share. You act like I am insulting someone here or perhaps you.

I don't understand why you would tell me not to "reguritate that kind of talk." You seem to have a problem with my characterization of abortions. If it pisses you off or strikes some kind of nerve personal to you, then that is your problem. I am just telling it like it is based upon my life as I know it.

I am quite happy with my story, it is mine, thank you very much.

[Anonymous]

From a medical point of view. I cannot help but wonder what kind of health issues you could have had that were from a failed abortion. I know that back in those days, many young unwed mothers were malnourished, so that could have been the cause of your problems.
And I still wonder, why did your a-mother choose to tell you that. We are tallking about a person whom she know nothing about. Nothing good, nothing bad. Could she not have let it be at that.
And how is a lawer a doctor? Were they lumping all health issues into b-mothers failed abortions, by what count had that even happened?

[Anonymous]

Moved by your testimony but cannot imagine telling any child that I or their bio mother had attempted to abort them even if it was true. Yet I could see how that enhances your appreciation of your bio parent because you know just how desperate and unprepared she felt. Perhaps your mother told you to help you empathize with your bio mother. She may have felt that as it was a crucial part of your story she had no right to withold even that unsettling piece of information.

Bravo, PP, for having an open heart and mind. I will be inspired by your example in striving to be more grateful for blessings received.

[Anonymous]

I'm a different poster and a somewhat different situation, but I know my birth parents considered aborting my sister and me. My adoptive parents had very little info on our backgrounds so this was nothing they told us...but rather, this info came straight from my birth parents themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP here again. yes I know these details, so what? I know them because the adoption lawyer told my mother why I was being put up for adoption and the attempted abortion at the time was very relevant to my potential health as a newborn. No reason for a lawyer or anyone to make that up. I know some other details too that I didn't share. You act like I am insulting someone here or perhaps you.

I don't understand why you would tell me not to "reguritate that kind of talk." You seem to have a problem with my characterization of abortions. If it pisses you off or strikes some kind of nerve personal to you, then that is your problem. I am just telling it like it is based upon my life as I know it.

I am quite happy with my story, it is mine, thank you very much.

PP: Please ignore that whacko who keeps arguing with you for writing the details of your story. I don't know what his/her issue is, but she has no right to give you a hard time. I think maybe he/she is a troll who is trying to hijack this thread? Have you noticed all the posts with "adaptive" instead of adoptive? I think it's the same person... Anyway, thank you for sharing your story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
[i]"I am an adoptee, adopted at birth and I have always known. My birth mom tried to abort me and failed. I ended up with a great home, wonderful parents and am a well adjusted new mom myself (bio kid). I am closer to my mom than anyone else and couldnt be happier. I wanted to adopt too, but DH was afraid."

I am the poster of this comment and I am surprised by the negative reponses. I suppose I could have said things differently, but I just gave the raw facts. My birth mother found out she was pregnant, took lots of pills to see if it would stop the pregnancy and it didn't work. At the time abortion was not legal. Her response, put me up for adoption. She was too young, my bio dad didn't want to raise a family etc. So, my mom wanted to have kids, couldn't, tried for a private adoption, and got me when I was 3 days old! I know the story about my birth mom because my mother told me. We have no secrets. I even know their names and a little bit of their history.So what?

I thought about finding them, and even think I tracked down my bio father. But, that was actually more my mother's curiosity than mine. I don't have any bad feelings toward my bio mom - scaring being young, pregnant and without support. Quite the opposite actually, she brought me into this world, even if against her first wishes. If I ever have the opportunity of communicating with her all I would have to say is "thanks for putting me up for adoption. You did the right thing, and I turned out ok, cheers!"

The issue of gratitute.... I suppose I am grateful. As should any person who had a great childhood. It has nothing to do with being adopted, it just is what it is. Through the years (I am 40) I have met few people who had happy childhoods like mine and for that I am grateful for how my life has turned out. I look at my husband and his childhood was aweful, so much so that he was afraid to have kids because of the memories he has.

Life is good, I am having having a blast with my daughter. My mom in particular was very curious about pregnancy and whether I bonded with my daughter before she was born. My answer to her was, yes. Having my own just let me love her earlier. And, it is kind of neat seeing common physical traits.

So, not sure why the negative comments. Seems to me like anyone, adopted or not, may just have a little gratitude for whomever brought them into this world and raised them.

The reason why all the negative comments? The poster (s) doesn't have class. There was absolutely nothing wrong with your post, the problem is that we obviously have rednecks on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

The reason why all the negative comments? The poster (s) doesn't have class. There was absolutely nothing wrong with your post, the problem is that we obviously have rednecks on DCUM.

PP: Please ignore that whacko who keeps arguing with you for writing the details of your story. I don't know what his/her issue is, but she has no right to give you a hard time. I think maybe he/she is a troll who is trying to hijack this thread? Have you noticed all the posts with "adaptive" instead of adoptive? I think it's the same person... Anyway, thank you for sharing your story.

This! The weird redneck poster with spelling issues is an idiot. PP-Thanks for sharing your story!

[Anonymous]

I do not think one size fits all,..but I do think the adoption system, particularly in the U.S, is filled with many abuses, and also many success's .
Reforming the system should include, : Consistant oversight of the industry, proper pre-adoption legal representation and counseling for first family's , and a true and "real" effort to support first famly preservation , (before) adoption takes place. There should be strict and consistantly enforced laws to prevent coersion and fraud in adoption, and very serious addtional safeguards to ensure safe placements for children.

[Anonymous]

and a true and "real" effort to support first famly preservation , (before) adoption takes place

Your other ideas may be good, PP, but this is a horrible one. That will just punt more kids into the foster care system and make it much much harder for them to find permanent good families. People want to adopt babies. They just do. LOTS and LOTS of people want to adopt babies - to the point that they are going all around the world to do so because it's so hard to do so here at home. We should absolutely not make it a goal to preserve the bio family. In fact, more bio mom should be provided information about adoption and how it can be the best thing for their children particularly when the bio mom cannot even afford to take care of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We should absolutely not make it a goal to preserve the bio family. In fact, more bio mom should be provided information about adoption and how it can be the best thing for their children particularly when the bio mom cannot even afford to take care of them.

Are you crazy?
Is money that important to you?
Do you reallly think that the unemployed should not be allowed to keep their babies?
Does family mean that little to you?

[Anonymous]

Do you reallly think that the unemployed should not be allowed to keep their babies?

It's quite a leap to go from what I actually said ("more bio moms should be provided information about adoption and how it can be the best thing for their children particularly when the bio mom cannot even afford to take care of them.") to "the unemployed should not be allowed to keep their babies". I don't think we should be forcibly taking children away from people, but do I think it's a good thing for people who can't support themselves and/or the kids they already have to then add more children to that family? Nope, I don't. I do indeed think it would be better for those kids (and any existing kids in the already stretched-thin family) to be with a family that can take care of them. It doesn't have to be the lap of luxury and money does not trump love, but I am not one who thinks that only the bio family can properly love a child. I think that the vast majority of adoptive parents shower their kids w/ love just as bio parents do.