Indoor Wedding for 150 People?! Give me a break!

[Anonymous]

meh, you do you

[Anonymous]

Be gracious -- which means declining and moving on with your life

[Anonymous]

F L O R I D A!!!


Can you tell us what race and political affiliation? Because I am think I can guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes! People understand. Reasonable people understand. Give people the respect they deserve by assuming they are reasonable.

All of this being resentful at having to say, "no" is the ugliest behavior of all.

If people ‘understood’ and were ‘reasonable’ in yhr first place they wouldn’t be having a 150-person wedding during a pandemic.

They may well cancel in September. Come on. It is July. My friends just sent their cancellation notice two weeks ago for a late July wedding.

Be kind. Just decline. Move on.

[Anonymous]

The wedding is in August, not September.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't go at all. Much too dangerous. If you go to certain events, you will be judged and pressured. If you don't go, out of sight, out of mind...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are they really "expecting everyone including elderly relatives to be there" or are they just invited?

Just because someone offers you an invite (you, your relatives) does not mean they have to take it. "No" is an answer. If they're not pressing people but leaving it up to personal decision, I fail to see what the problem is. And I'm as liberal lefty as they come.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The wedding is in August, not September.

OK cool. They may cancel a week before, or not! Either way, use the handy dandy "regrets" box that is right there on the reply card, send a gift.

The.
End.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm getting married in August. My fiance and I wanted to do a ceremony with immediate family only, but we are close with our aunts and uncles and they expressed wishes that we include them if at all possible. I'm wracked with the stress of people talking about me like you talk about your cousin, but we are having a gathering of 50 people with strict limitations in place (masks required, drinks will come to the table instead of people walking up to the bar, no passed appetizers, etc). Just because they are having a wedding doesn't mean this is a wedding of 150 people that would have happened last year with sweaty bodies all over the dance floor, and it doesn't mean that they value their "big day" (kind, non-judgmental use of quotes from your post) over the lives of their families. It seems like the best thing you could do would be to send your regrets and support instead of showing up and side-eyeing all that do participate in the ceremony.

Op here. This is not a parallel situation at all. If my cousin was having a 50-person wedding, required masks, and took other precautions, I would happily attend. This is going to be a sweaty dance floor event, attended by Covid deniers (or those who think it's no big deal, overblown). Normally I'm the first one on the dance floor, but this year, hard pass.

Congratulations to you! Wishing you and your intended all the best.

[Anonymous]

OP, if you want to plan a "safe" family reunion, you do so. And YOU foot the bill.

Stop acting like this bride and groom owe you the reunion of your preferred limits. It's a wedding. Attend the ceremony or don't attend at all.

Just send regrets and a gift, and stop judging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm getting married in August. My fiance and I wanted to do a ceremony with immediate family only, but we are close with our aunts and uncles and they expressed wishes that we include them if at all possible. I'm wracked with the stress of people talking about me like you talk about your cousin, but we are having a gathering of 50 people with strict limitations in place (masks required, drinks will come to the table instead of people walking up to the bar, no passed appetizers, etc). Just because they are having a wedding doesn't mean this is a wedding of 150 people that would have happened last year with sweaty bodies all over the dance floor, and it doesn't mean that they value their "big day" (kind, non-judgmental use of quotes from your post) over the lives of their families. It seems like the best thing you could do would be to send your regrets and support instead of showing up and side-eyeing all that do participate in the ceremony.

Regarding the bolded, if the server is infected, that may be a way to spread the virus to guests. Not meant unkindly at all, but something to think about when planning the reception. Maybe the venue will test the employees regularly? I've just read about the superspreading event at that birthday party (in TX I think).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm getting married in August. My fiance and I wanted to do a ceremony with immediate family only, but we are close with our aunts and uncles and they expressed wishes that we include them if at all possible. I'm wracked with the stress of people talking about me like you talk about your cousin, but we are having a gathering of 50 people with strict limitations in place (masks required, drinks will come to the table instead of people walking up to the bar, no passed appetizers, etc). Just because they are having a wedding doesn't mean this is a wedding of 150 people that would have happened last year with sweaty bodies all over the dance floor, and it doesn't mean that they value their "big day" (kind, non-judgmental use of quotes from your post) over the lives of their families. It seems like the best thing you could do would be to send your regrets and support instead of showing up and side-eyeing all that do participate in the ceremony.

Op here. This is not a parallel situation at all. If my cousin was having a 50-person wedding, required masks, and took other precautions, I would happily attend. This is going to be a sweaty dance floor event, attended by Covid deniers (or those who think it's no big deal, overblown). Normally I'm the first one on the dance floor, but this year, hard pass.

Congratulations to you! Wishing you and your intended all the best.

Why not just get married in a small civil ceremony and then have a wedding next year? Everyone would understand. Why risk it? If something happens you’d never forgive yourself. A year would go by super fast and once COVID is over everyone would be so happy to celebrate with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:An invitation is not a summons.

They are not "exposing" anyone. They are holding a legal event and are informing everyone of the circumstances.

Guests are then welcome to make their own choices.

As long as they are gracious when people send regrets, there is no issue here.

Repeat after me, again, some more: An invitation is not a summons.

Oh please. I know people who have held grudges for de aces over who did not attend their wedding. Yes, people expect others to attend. They can not make you, but they still expect it.

Op, do what is right for you. Maybe do not go at all and send a huge gift. People who care about weddings tend to judge people on attendance and gifts.

Yes, and? You are absolutely right: people hold grudges over things like this.

Yes...and? And that effects you exactly how?

I do not care if people have unreasonable feelings or reactions to my reasonable choices and behavior. Let them grumble, let them stew. Their resentment and dissatisfaction does not affect me; it affects them. Let them choose to feel and behave that way. It's really not my problem.

If it long-term affects the relationship, it wasn't a relationship built on mutual respect and care anyway. So be it.

It affects you because part of a rich life is having deep connections to family and friends? And so sometimes you do things you don't otherwise want to because it reinforces your bonds with the people who matter to you. And in this case, that's what you would ordinarily do - go to the wedding, even if you don't feel like it, because it matters to people who matter to you. But at this time you also have to consider the deadly pandemic - and so for most normal people with normal relationships you struggle to find the right balance.

I guess it's nice if you have a steel ball where a human heart ordinarily would reside because it means yu can respond to every wedding invitation with "AN INVITATION IS NOT A SUMMONS, GOOD DAY" without you caring at all how that's felt by the people in your life. Then I guess you go back home to not eat for 16 hours or something, maybe.

I have a big family. Some people are reasonable and extend grace, and those are the people I'm closest to. Some people are bean-counter types who hold grudges. OK, and oh well. Not everyone is super close with everyone just Because Family. It's really not that big of a deal to me if one of my seven aunts isn't happy with me all the time.

In addition to my family, I have lots of friends. "My People" are family and friends who respect one another, give grace, and don't hold grudges.

Would I prefer that my cousin be happy with me? Sure, of course. And luckily, my cousin whose wedding I am choosing not to attend because it would require travel is very understanding. But you know what? If he wasn't...I've got other cousins and friends who actually do value my health, comfort, and capacity. So it really is all good.

Anyone who does not extend the fullest degree of understanding, flexibility, and grace during a global pandemic where people are proven to get sick from travel, group gatherings, and buffet/reception-type scenarios are NOT TRUE FRIENDS OR FAMILY and not worth pleasing. The end.

That's wonderful. And some of us have more complicated family dynamics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm getting married in August. My fiance and I wanted to do a ceremony with immediate family only, but we are close with our aunts and uncles and they expressed wishes that we include them if at all possible. I'm wracked with the stress of people talking about me like you talk about your cousin, but we are having a gathering of 50 people with strict limitations in place (masks required, drinks will come to the table instead of people walking up to the bar, no passed appetizers, etc). Just because they are having a wedding doesn't mean this is a wedding of 150 people that would have happened last year with sweaty bodies all over the dance floor, and it doesn't mean that they value their "big day" (kind, non-judgmental use of quotes from your post) over the lives of their families. It seems like the best thing you could do would be to send your regrets and support instead of showing up and side-eyeing all that do participate in the ceremony.

Op here. This is not a parallel situation at all. If my cousin was having a 50-person wedding, required masks, and took other precautions, I would happily attend. This is going to be a sweaty dance floor event, attended by Covid deniers (or those who think it's no big deal, overblown). Normally I'm the first one on the dance floor, but this year, hard pass.

Congratulations to you! Wishing you and your intended all the best.

Why not just get married in a small civil ceremony and then have a wedding next year? Everyone would understand. Why risk it? If something happens you’d never forgive yourself. A year would go by super fast and once COVID is over everyone would be so happy to celebrate with you.

We will be unable to have a party next year due to some personal circumstances (I know that's vague, but I am still trying to be anonymous and this is a unique situation). Even if we could, I really don't see COVID going away in a year. it's my feeling that this is going to be our new life for quite some time, so I think if we postpone for a year we will still be having this 50 person uncomfortable conversation. We wanted to have a civil ceremony and our aunts and uncles strongly expressed their desire to be there. we have spoken in depth with all of the people coming (outside of immediate family, it's about 35 people. we each are 1 of 4 and our parents are divorced and remarried) and they understand all of the rules and of course the risks in coming. it's not ideal, and to be honest I can't wait until it's over.

OP I appreciate all of your responses on this thread so far! everything right now is tough and I just think most people are doing their best (no, not the COVID deniers) about trying to do what is best for them. ultimately I think you should do what is best for you, and it sounds like that means sending regrets. we are all making tough choices right now

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm getting married in August. My fiance and I wanted to do a ceremony with immediate family only, but we are close with our aunts and uncles and they expressed wishes that we include them if at all possible. I'm wracked with the stress of people talking about me like you talk about your cousin, but we are having a gathering of 50 people with strict limitations in place (masks required, drinks will come to the table instead of people walking up to the bar, no passed appetizers, etc). Just because they are having a wedding doesn't mean this is a wedding of 150 people that would have happened last year with sweaty bodies all over the dance floor, and it doesn't mean that they value their "big day" (kind, non-judgmental use of quotes from your post) over the lives of their families. It seems like the best thing you could do would be to send your regrets and support instead of showing up and side-eyeing all that do participate in the ceremony.

I’m sorry, but that all sounds terrible. Go with your initial plan of immediate family only, and have a big reception in a year or two when things go back to normal.