My husband is a horrible person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Perhaps there's something wrong with me, but I found the pea thing hilarious, and as for the leaf blower, yes he could have been more gracious, but your son buying him a leaf blower is the equivalent of him buying you an iron or other chore related item.

The pea thing cracked me up too. Seriously, your son did not make lunch for the family. If your husband hated peas enough to stand at the sink so he could spit them, clearly his intense dislike was well known to your family. Yet your son chose to add peas to the casserole, intentionally making something that everyone but your husband would like. Think about that.

As far as the leaf blower, I agree that who wants a chore item for a gift unless they specifically ask for it. And, even then. I think your husband could have been more gracious. But, when you knew what the gift was and that your husband wouldn't like it, you could have intervened and taught a lesson about good gift giving.

Yes, PP!

OP, you must have known your husband hates peas. A leaf blower IS a crummy gift to many people. Teach your kids to think of the receiver when giving gifts. It’s a great skill to have in life. Think about it- for Mother’s Day you get a dish made with something you despise and a tool that only makes you think of more work in your life. Not thoughtful. It could have made him feel very sad and angry that his family doesn’t know him better or didn’t give him gifts with him in mind.

One more thing- he must be doing a lot more than this for you to call him “horrible”. Have you read some of the DH posts on here? This man is rude at best in comparison. Choose your words carefully.

No - this was a gift from his SON, not an anniversary or birthday gift from his wife. Truly shitty behavior from an adult. As for the peas, that's behavior from a toddler, not a adult man.

I’ll give you that, but mom should have said something like, “Hey! How about we leave out the peas because your dad really doesn’t like them at all. Since this is for him, let’s make it perfect for him.” Sorry, folks. Letting your kid make something that contains an ingredient the recipient truly hates (not just dislikes) is setting them up for a fall. No, not all dads would have the same reaction, but let’s remember the dad acted immature and maybe a bit surly. This is hardly grounds for being called “horrible” and commenting that he’s not worthy to be a father. FFS.

You sound like you grew up appeasing an abuser. Mom doesn't have to hover over a kid making a dinner to make sure it's "perfect" for a**hole dad. The family doesn't restructure every meal and activity to accommodate the worst member, at least not in a healthy family. Adults behave in a mature manner and say thank you for gifts and never spit food out for any reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Perhaps there's something wrong with me, but I found the pea thing hilarious, and as for the leaf blower, yes he could have been more gracious, but your son buying him a leaf blower is the equivalent of him buying you an iron or other chore related item.

The pea thing cracked me up too. Seriously, your son did not make lunch for the family. If your husband hated peas enough to stand at the sink so he could spit them, clearly his intense dislike was well known to your family. Yet your son chose to add peas to the casserole, intentionally making something that everyone but your husband would like. Think about that.

As far as the leaf blower, I agree that who wants a chore item for a gift unless they specifically ask for it. And, even then. I think your husband could have been more gracious. But, when you knew what the gift was and that your husband wouldn't like it, you could have intervened and taught a lesson about good gift giving.

Yes, PP!

OP, you must have known your husband hates peas. A leaf blower IS a crummy gift to many people. Teach your kids to think of the receiver when giving gifts. It’s a great skill to have in life. Think about it- for Mother’s Day you get a dish made with something you despise and a tool that only makes you think of more work in your life. Not thoughtful. It could have made him feel very sad and angry that his family doesn’t know him better or didn’t give him gifts with him in mind.

One more thing- he must be doing a lot more than this for you to call him “horrible”. Have you read some of the DH posts on here? This man is rude at best in comparison. Choose your words carefully.

No - this was a gift from his SON, not an anniversary or birthday gift from his wife. Truly shitty behavior from an adult. As for the peas, that's behavior from a toddler, not a adult man.

I’ll give you that, but mom should have said something like, “Hey! How about we leave out the peas because your dad really doesn’t like them at all. Since this is for him, let’s make it perfect for him.” Sorry, folks. Letting your kid make something that contains an ingredient the recipient truly hates (not just dislikes) is setting them up for a fall. No, not all dads would have the same reaction, but let’s remember the dad acted immature and maybe a bit surly. This is hardly grounds for being called “horrible” and commenting that he’s not worthy to be a father. FFS.

You sound like you grew up appeasing an abuser. Mom doesn't have to hover over a kid making a dinner to make sure it's "perfect" for a**hole dad. The family doesn't restructure every meal and activity to accommodate the worst member, at least not in a healthy family. Adults behave in a mature manner and say thank you for gifts and never spit food out for any reason.

You know what, PP? I’m not kidding. You just gave me a “come to jesus moment”. I actually did a little head shake when I read your post. I’m the PP and I grew up in that exact situation and it was awful. I married a man who is a complete 180 from my stepfather, but clearly I still have the impulse to make sure no one is upset.
Not sorry for thinking some of these replies are overboard, but OP, if you haven’t already, please ignore my thoughts on this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Perhaps there's something wrong with me, but I found the pea thing hilarious, and as for the leaf blower, yes he could have been more gracious, but your son buying him a leaf blower is the equivalent of him buying you an iron or other chore related item.

The pea thing cracked me up too. Seriously, your son did not make lunch for the family. If your husband hated peas enough to stand at the sink so he could spit them, clearly his intense dislike was well known to your family. Yet your son chose to add peas to the casserole, intentionally making something that everyone but your husband would like. Think about that.

As far as the leaf blower, I agree that who wants a chore item for a gift unless they specifically ask for it. And, even then. I think your husband could have been more gracious. But, when you knew what the gift was and that your husband wouldn't like it, you could have intervened and taught a lesson about good gift giving.

Yes, PP!

OP, you must have known your husband hates peas. A leaf blower IS a crummy gift to many people. Teach your kids to think of the receiver when giving gifts. It’s a great skill to have in life. Think about it- for Mother’s Day you get a dish made with something you despise and a tool that only makes you think of more work in your life. Not thoughtful. It could have made him feel very sad and angry that his family doesn’t know him better or didn’t give him gifts with him in mind.

One more thing- he must be doing a lot more than this for you to call him “horrible”. Have you read some of the DH posts on here? This man is rude at best in comparison. Choose your words carefully.

No - this was a gift from his SON, not an anniversary or birthday gift from his wife. Truly shitty behavior from an adult. As for the peas, that's behavior from a toddler, not a adult man.

I’ll give you that, but mom should have said something like, “Hey! How about we leave out the peas because your dad really doesn’t like them at all. Since this is for him, let’s make it perfect for him.” Sorry, folks. Letting your kid make something that contains an ingredient the recipient truly hates (not just dislikes) is setting them up for a fall. No, not all dads would have the same reaction, but let’s remember the dad acted immature and maybe a bit surly. This is hardly grounds for being called “horrible” and commenting that he’s not worthy to be a father. FFS.

You sound like you grew up appeasing an abuser. Mom doesn't have to hover over a kid making a dinner to make sure it's "perfect" for a**hole dad. The family doesn't restructure every meal and activity to accommodate the worst member, at least not in a healthy family. Adults behave in a mature manner and say thank you for gifts and never spit food out for any reason.

You know what, PP? I’m not kidding. You just gave me a “come to jesus moment”. I actually did a little head shake when I read your post. I’m the PP and I grew up in that exact situation and it was awful. I married a man who is a complete 180 from my stepfather, but clearly I still have the impulse to make sure no one is upset.
Not sorry for thinking some of these replies are overboard, but OP, if you haven’t already, please ignore my thoughts on this.

I'm glad. I recognized it because I grew up with an abusive alcoholic father and walking on eggshells was just the name of the game. DH would cut off his own arm before he made DD feel bad about a gift she bought (or made) for him, and it's just so much better to live in a house where all the adults are decent people.

[Anonymous]

What did you see in this schmuck to begin with?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Perhaps there's something wrong with me, but I found the pea thing hilarious, and as for the leaf blower, yes he could have been more gracious, but your son buying him a leaf blower is the equivalent of him buying you an iron or other chore related item.

The pea thing cracked me up too. Seriously, your son did not make lunch for the family. If your husband hated peas enough to stand at the sink so he could spit them, clearly his intense dislike was well known to your family. Yet your son chose to add peas to the casserole, intentionally making something that everyone but your husband would like. Think about that.

As far as the leaf blower, I agree that who wants a chore item for a gift unless they specifically ask for it. And, even then. I think your husband could have been more gracious. But, when you knew what the gift was and that your husband wouldn't like it, you could have intervened and taught a lesson about good gift giving.

Yes, PP!

OP, you must have known your husband hates peas. A leaf blower IS a crummy gift to many people. Teach your kids to think of the receiver when giving gifts. It’s a great skill to have in life. Think about it- for Mother’s Day you get a dish made with something you despise and a tool that only makes you think of more work in your life. Not thoughtful. It could have made him feel very sad and angry that his family doesn’t know him better or didn’t give him gifts with him in mind.

One more thing- he must be doing a lot more than this for you to call him “horrible”. Have you read some of the DH posts on here? This man is rude at best in comparison. Choose your words carefully.

No - this was a gift from his SON, not an anniversary or birthday gift from his wife. Truly shitty behavior from an adult. As for the peas, that's behavior from a toddler, not a adult man.

I’ll give you that, but mom should have said something like, “Hey! How about we leave out the peas because your dad really doesn’t like them at all. Since this is for him, let’s make it perfect for him.” Sorry, folks. Letting your kid make something that contains an ingredient the recipient truly hates (not just dislikes) is setting them up for a fall. No, not all dads would have the same reaction, but let’s remember the dad acted immature and maybe a bit surly. This is hardly grounds for being called “horrible” and commenting that he’s not worthy to be a father. FFS.

You sound like you grew up appeasing an abuser. Mom doesn't have to hover over a kid making a dinner to make sure it's "perfect" for a**hole dad. The family doesn't restructure every meal and activity to accommodate the worst member, at least not in a healthy family. Adults behave in a mature manner and say thank you for gifts and never spit food out for any reason.

You know what, PP? I’m not kidding. You just gave me a “come to jesus moment”. I actually did a little head shake when I read your post. I’m the PP and I grew up in that exact situation and it was awful. I married a man who is a complete 180 from my stepfather, but clearly I still have the impulse to make sure no one is upset.
Not sorry for thinking some of these replies are overboard, but OP, if you haven’t already, please ignore my thoughts on this.

I'm glad. I recognized it because I grew up with an abusive alcoholic father and walking on eggshells was just the name of the game. DH would cut off his own arm before he made DD feel bad about a gift she bought (or made) for him, and it's just so much better to live in a house where all the adults are decent people.

The same with my DH.
I sincerely appreciate your comment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Even if he didn’t specifically need to have a leaf-blower, your husband could have been a lot more cordial + empathetic about his gift.

He could have appreciated the lovely thought behind it & thanked his son properly.

He is doing emotional damage to his sons.
How do I know this?

From personal experience unfortunately.
As a child - my Mother constantly criticized her gifts from me.
They were either too cheap or something that she had no use for.
I could never win from her.

Now it is hard for me to be w/someone when they open a present that I gifted them.
The pain of rejection is still there for me.

+1. My mom criticized most of the gifts she received. Even Christmas morning was ruined every year as a kid. As an adult, I hate to see someone open a gift I bought them (unless it's my kids) and I hate to receive gifts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Perhaps there's something wrong with me, but I found the pea thing hilarious, and as for the leaf blower, yes he could have been more gracious, but your son buying him a leaf blower is the equivalent of him buying you an iron or other chore related item.

nope, not even close. Parent/child relationship is different than spouse relationship.

OP's DS bought the leaf blower because he probably thought his dad would like it. Lots of men like tools. My DH does. He'd love it if I bought him all kinds of tools, but I have no idea what he has and doesn't have.

Unless the wife likes home cleaning supplies for presents, the iron would not go over well.

By the time I was a teenage I learned to consider what the other person would like for a gift, and not to give household items. The son is a minor but he's not 10, he's old enough to have a job at a big box store, he's old enough to come up with a thoughtful gift. You also know you would not think it was so sweet and charming if he gave his mom a chore gift for mother's day, and you would be ripping into DH for not guiding his son better.

Dad should have exercised better manners.

[Anonymous]

Are you just going to keep posting these anecdotes or are you going to do something?

Your previous post triggered a lot of suggestions.

Soon, you become an accomplice to his behavior (which is really damaging to a child who clearly loves and wants to please his father).

[Anonymous]

There’s no “soon” about it. This is a really unhealthy environment for your kids, 0P. Do you recognize that? You seem to be asking for permission to call this behavior what it is, which is inherently unkind.