My husband is a horrible person.

[Anonymous]

This should be a regular post, like a weekly column. The douchebag thing my husband did this week.

[Anonymous]

It's sweet that your son bought him a gift, however, maybe let your son know FFR it's always best to try to get a gift the receiver will actually like. I assume your husband has always been a jerk. If not, when did he start being an a**?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Perhaps there's something wrong with me, but I found the pea thing hilarious, and as for the leaf blower, yes he could have been more gracious, but your son buying him a leaf blower is the equivalent of him buying you an iron or other chore related item.

The pea thing cracked me up too. Seriously, your son did not make lunch for the family. If your husband hated peas enough to stand at the sink so he could spit them, clearly his intense dislike was well known to your family. Yet your son chose to add peas to the casserole, intentionally making something that everyone but your husband would like. Think about that.

As far as the leaf blower, I agree that who wants a chore item for a gift unless they specifically ask for it. And, even then. I think your husband could have been more gracious. But, when you knew what the gift was and that your husband wouldn't like it, you could have intervened and taught a lesson about good gift giving.

[Anonymous]

The son probably thought the leaf blower was a good gift because he’s now caught up in the whole world of stuff they sell at his job. If he worked at Williams Sonoma her probably would have gotten his dad a madeleine pan. It’s sweet and OP’s husband is insensitive and ridiculous. A teen saving money and buying a gift is a very thoughtful gesture. Figuring out the right gift is an art that comes with a little more maturity.

[Anonymous]

Even if he didn’t specifically need to have a leaf-blower, your husband could have been a lot more cordial + empathetic about his gift.

He could have appreciated the lovely thought behind it & thanked his son properly.

He is doing emotional damage to his sons.
How do I know this?

From personal experience unfortunately.
As a child - my Mother constantly criticized her gifts from me.
They were either too cheap or something that she had no use for.
I could never win from her.

Now it is hard for me to be w/someone when they open a present that I gifted them.
The pain of rejection is still there for me.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Perhaps there's something wrong with me, but I found the pea thing hilarious, and as for the leaf blower, yes he could have been more gracious, but your son buying him a leaf blower is the equivalent of him buying you an iron or other chore related item.[/quote]

The pea thing cracked me up too. Seriously, your son did not make lunch for the family. If your husband hated peas enough to stand at the sink so he could spit them, clearly his intense dislike was well known to your family. Yet your son chose to add peas to the casserole, intentionally making something that everyone but your husband would like. Think about that.

As far as the leaf blower, I agree that who wants a chore item for a gift unless they specifically ask for it. And, even then. I think your husband could have been more gracious. But, when you knew what the gift was and that your husband wouldn't like it, you could have intervened and taught a lesson about good gift giving. [/quote]

Agree. And dropped details may be affecting what’s coming across In this account. It doesn’t make sense as written.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Perhaps there's something wrong with me, but I found the pea thing hilarious, and as for the leaf blower, yes he could have been more gracious, but your son buying him a leaf blower is the equivalent of him buying you an iron or other chore related item.

The pea thing cracked me up too. Seriously, your son did not make lunch for the family. If your husband hated peas enough to stand at the sink so he could spit them, clearly his intense dislike was well known to your family. Yet your son chose to add peas to the casserole, intentionally making something that everyone but your husband would like. Think about that.

As far as the leaf blower, I agree that who wants a chore item for a gift unless they specifically ask for it. And, even then. I think your husband could have been more gracious. But, when you knew what the gift was and that your husband wouldn't like it, you could have intervened and taught a lesson about good gift giving.

Yes, PP!

OP, you must have known your husband hates peas. A leaf blower IS a crummy gift to many people. Teach your kids to think of the receiver when giving gifts. It’s a great skill to have in life. Think about it- for Mother’s Day you get a dish made with something you despise and a tool that only makes you think of more work in your life. Not thoughtful. It could have made him feel very sad and angry that his family doesn’t know him better or didn’t give him gifts with him in mind.

One more thing- he must be doing a lot more than this for you to call him “horrible”. Have you read some of the DH posts on here? This man is rude at best in comparison. Choose your words carefully.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you still married to this guy?

This is not something to divorce over. You women are over the top

Sorry, I’m a guy and a husband and dad. None of my friends would act this way, and I wouldn’t either. And any dad who would is a total asshat not worthy of being a father.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you still married to this guy?

This is not something to divorce over. You women are over the top

Sorry, I’m a guy and a husband and dad. None of my friends would act this way, and I wouldn’t either. And any dad who would is a total asshat not worthy of being a father.

Wowwww. Not worthy of being a father? I think you come off as a judgmental asshat. Tell me, where is this perfect world in which you live?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Perhaps there's something wrong with me, but I found the pea thing hilarious, and as for the leaf blower, yes he could have been more gracious, but your son buying him a leaf blower is the equivalent of him buying you an iron or other chore related item.

The pea thing cracked me up too. Seriously, your son did not make lunch for the family. If your husband hated peas enough to stand at the sink so he could spit them, clearly his intense dislike was well known to your family. Yet your son chose to add peas to the casserole, intentionally making something that everyone but your husband would like. Think about that.

As far as the leaf blower, I agree that who wants a chore item for a gift unless they specifically ask for it. And, even then. I think your husband could have been more gracious. But, when you knew what the gift was and that your husband wouldn't like it, you could have intervened and taught a lesson about good gift giving.

Yes, PP!

OP, you must have known your husband hates peas. A leaf blower IS a crummy gift to many people. Teach your kids to think of the receiver when giving gifts. It’s a great skill to have in life. Think about it- for Mother’s Day you get a dish made with something you despise and a tool that only makes you think of more work in your life. Not thoughtful. It could have made him feel very sad and angry that his family doesn’t know him better or didn’t give him gifts with him in mind.

One more thing- he must be doing a lot more than this for you to call him “horrible”. Have you read some of the DH posts on here? This man is rude at best in comparison. Choose your words carefully.

No - this was a gift from his SON, not an anniversary or birthday gift from his wife. Truly shitty behavior from an adult. As for the peas, that's behavior from a toddler, not a adult man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds exactly like my father. I only have a relationship with him because I feel like I have to. I feel guilty. But those comments stick and they hurt.

You have no obligation to maintain a relationship with him. You know that right?

The bible says to honor your mother and father. This is literally the only reason I interact with my narcissistic, distant father. I feel better about myself when I fulfill my moral obligations. Nothing to do with him

[Anonymous]

What was he like when you first met? And before you had kids? Was he this much of an “asshole” then?

My loving and caring husband went through a spell of depression and started acting like this. Bad dinner table manners, rude, uninterested in us, wouldn’t pay attention to any criticism or correction of behavior. HE WAS DEPRESSED. Once he got treatment he started coming back a little to his normal self. Before you conclude your husband has been replaced by a dickhead, please try to see what’s going on with him. Men will hide their feelings.

[Anonymous]

SIAP but is he a step dad or bio dad?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Perhaps there's something wrong with me, but I found the pea thing hilarious, and as for the leaf blower, yes he could have been more gracious, but your son buying him a leaf blower is the equivalent of him buying you an iron or other chore related item.

The pea thing cracked me up too. Seriously, your son did not make lunch for the family. If your husband hated peas enough to stand at the sink so he could spit them, clearly his intense dislike was well known to your family. Yet your son chose to add peas to the casserole, intentionally making something that everyone but your husband would like. Think about that.

As far as the leaf blower, I agree that who wants a chore item for a gift unless they specifically ask for it. And, even then. I think your husband could have been more gracious. But, when you knew what the gift was and that your husband wouldn't like it, you could have intervened and taught a lesson about good gift giving.

Yes, PP!

OP, you must have known your husband hates peas. A leaf blower IS a crummy gift to many people. Teach your kids to think of the receiver when giving gifts. It’s a great skill to have in life. Think about it- for Mother’s Day you get a dish made with something you despise and a tool that only makes you think of more work in your life. Not thoughtful. It could have made him feel very sad and angry that his family doesn’t know him better or didn’t give him gifts with him in mind.

One more thing- he must be doing a lot more than this for you to call him “horrible”. Have you read some of the DH posts on here? This man is rude at best in comparison. Choose your words carefully.

No - this was a gift from his SON, not an anniversary or birthday gift from his wife. Truly shitty behavior from an adult. As for the peas, that's behavior from a toddler, not a adult man.

I’ll give you that, but mom should have said something like, “Hey! How about we leave out the peas because your dad really doesn’t like them at all. Since this is for him, let’s make it perfect for him.” Sorry, folks. Letting your kid make something that contains an ingredient the recipient truly hates (not just dislikes) is setting them up for a fall. No, not all dads would have the same reaction, but let’s remember the dad acted immature and maybe a bit surly. This is hardly grounds for being called “horrible” and commenting that he’s not worthy to be a father. FFS.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like Aspergers. My husband is like this. He simply cannot see another person’s point of view. He gets irritated very easy and says insensitive things. He is super intelligent/financially successful. It was confirmed in my heart that he probably has aspergers after he took a personality test with his new employer. Out of 30-something character traits, empathy came in dead last. It took my breath away.

I would talk to my son about how dad doesn’t seem to know how to act and that it’s not okay and you’re sorry that his gift was rejected. I would take it a step farther and let your son catch you using the blower. They honestly are handy for quick patio tidying. I do this with my sons and we are super close. There is someone close who understands their pain. Now that they’re entering college age it has turned into a knowing eye roll to one another when their dad does something wildly inappropriate.

It doesn’t matter what age you are. Their behavior stings and over time chips away at you.

Hang in there OP.