No acknowledgement for kids’ achievements

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is easier to celebrate what you understand.

This 100%. My DH has a PhD in engineering and has a successful career but my in-laws rave about my SIL who bought a motorcycle (she lives in a house they bought). But they are free to do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does it bother you if grandparents or other relatives don’t acknowledge your kids’ achievements or can’t even appreciate how big those awards are? They are from a LCM background and don’t value education or excelling in sports, music, whatever. My kids could win an Intel scholarship, make first chair, Eagle Scout, perfect SAT, state champion in sport, and it’s met with “I’m so proud of (another grandchild) who was just promoted to supervisor at retail job”. Or Larla who dropped out of college is doing so well because she just bought her own used car from waiting tables. They have a blank stare if told about some obscure to them award or achievement of my kids. I feel like my kids are missing out on a close relationship with them bc they can’t identify with them or spend time with them to get to know them well.

I agree it’s rude and self centered but don’t bother guessing why they’re like that. They likely don’t get it, as in clueless, not malicious...

After 10 years of wondering why my ILs were so rude, never sent the kids bdays presents, hated sports, thought everyone else that did things that they didn’t were weird... turns out they have high functioning autism. So that explains the zero self awareness, mind blindness, home body ness, and rude comments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s ridiculous that you need them to fawn over your child. I grew up a straight A student, varsity sport, and student gov president - it was expected and there wasn’t much praise. Your children should be seeking these accomplishments for themselves and their goals not praise. Does your family love your children. Yes. Get over it. No? Then you have a bigger problem than them not providing ample praise and recognition.

+1 That was how my family was structured as well and as an adult I appreciate it made me live in a way that was truly self-directed and not in pursuit of someone else's praise and approval.

She’s said acknowledgement, not fawning. And if your family isn’t allowed to do so then who is?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, read up on "crabs in a bucket" to understand the way some people react to other's successes.

+1

Thank you. This nails the mentality I have seen a lot of here.

This. I'm from a LMC family and "crabs in a bucket" describes it well. You could have heard the silence when I was the first person in my family to graduate from college. (Thankfully my parents and sibling were supportive.)

They just don't care OP, and when they do, it's definitely not positive.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does it bother you if grandparents or other relatives don’t acknowledge your kids’ achievements or can’t even appreciate how big those awards are? They are from a LCM background and don’t value education or excelling in sports, music, whatever. My kids could win an Intel scholarship, make first chair, Eagle Scout, perfect SAT, state champion in sport, and it’s met with “I’m so proud of (another grandchild) who was just promoted to supervisor at retail job”. Or Larla who dropped out of college is doing so well because she just bought her own used car from waiting tables. They have a blank stare if told about some obscure to them award or achievement of my kids. I feel like my kids are missing out on a close relationship with them bc they can’t identify with them or spend time with them to get to know them well.

In reading between the lines, it appears that you want your child promoted over others. Not very humble OP.

I wonder if OP acknowledges accomplishments like being self sufficient enough to buy a car...

I bet she doesn’t. And likely, she’ll buy her kids their first car. OP has her own narrow minded view of accomplishments.

Hmm, OP here. The kid bought a $1200 car off his uncle. Kid is not self sufficient. I am not buying my kids a car. They don’t need one and if they did, they have more than enough to buy their own. They’ve been working since age 15 and saving most of it.

You're a piece of work OP. A nephew worked hard to earn $1200 and you're sneezing at it? Wow. No wonder your relatives don't like you. I don't like you and I don't even know you.

This. You really can’t complain that they don’t understand what is praiseworthy when you don’t either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does it bother you if grandparents or other relatives don’t acknowledge your kids’ achievements or can’t even appreciate how big those awards are? They are from a LCM background and don’t value education or excelling in sports, music, whatever. My kids could win an Intel scholarship, make first chair, Eagle Scout, perfect SAT, state champion in sport, and it’s met with “I’m so proud of (another grandchild) who was just promoted to supervisor at retail job”. Or Larla who dropped out of college is doing so well because she just bought her own used car from waiting tables. They have a blank stare if told about some obscure to them award or achievement of my kids. I feel like my kids are missing out on a close relationship with them bc they can’t identify with them or spend time with them to get to know them well.

In reading between the lines, it appears that you want your child promoted over others. Not very humble OP.

I wonder if OP acknowledges accomplishments like being self sufficient enough to buy a car...

I could buy a car tomorrow for $0, or $500, or $1000 or more. not difficult. BfD. And if you’re smart you’ll get the damn title signed too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s ridiculous that you need them to fawn over your child. I grew up a straight A student, varsity sport, and student gov president - it was expected and there wasn’t much praise. Your children should be seeking these accomplishments for themselves and their goals not praise. Does your family love your children. Yes. Get over it. No? Then you have a bigger problem than them not providing ample praise and recognition.

OP didn't say fawn. She said acknowledge. And no, it's not ridiculous. That is part of what what family members do.

[Anonymous]

I have a troubled relationship with my parents. Clearly you do too, but your baggage sounds more like shame. I've learned that if something does not upset my children it should not upset me. This goes for my reaction to their coaches, teachers, and friends. If my kid inset losing sleep over I don't need to be.

Stop viewing your child as an extension of yourself and stop living your insecurities about your family through your kids. Won't matter how well they play the violin, they will be hot mess as adults