Kid falling behind & getting wild staying at home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should change your mind on the nanny. Look for a preschool teacher or elementary school teacher whose plans were nixed for the summer. You can make it work in a small house (we do). The nanny can give your child the attention she needs.

Even a high schooler should be fine. I was babysitting 4 year olds in 9th grade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is op. My DD used to go to daycare full time with preschool curriculum & stressed on academic. She used to like it to do homework worksheet. She knows all letters, numbers, some math & some reading on her own. She does not wander around aimlessly all day at the house. We have no backyard, but we have a furnished basement for her to jump around downstairs. Her playroom is on the first floor. She had an ipad, but we try to limit scteentime. Just like today, I got her 2 zoom classes, one for science project & one for exercise.

The reasons we both have inflexible telewprk schedules from 8am to 5pm because DH is in IT (no flexibility for him & meeting all the time), and my company has been doing layoff at office ( i want to look my best at performance not to be selected for round 2 or after layoff). My workload has been increased because I have to cover other people workload at this timing.

We did a lot with our child from mid-March till April end to make it work. As time go on, it is getting physically & mentally exhausting to keep that going & making it better for DD. She can watch TV all day, and we try to avoid it.

You must get an educated nanny. Your “small” house seems to have enough room.

At least get a high schooler. YOu have a furnished basement for her to jump around in and you have a separate playroom on the first floor. That is plenty of room if you bring in a high schooler.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, inflexible telework is kind of strange to me. The whole point of having telework is flexibility. Think about the things you do at the office that aren't work related: lunch hour, bathroom breaks, coffee breaks, socialization in the kitchen, meetings, walking around the block to clear your head. Those are all times you can do things with your kid. I know it's hard, and it sucks, all of this sucks, but push back on the inflexibility a bit. If someone wants to have a meeting when you normally do lunch, it's ok to say no. Sometimes we have to force people to be accommodating, and while it doesn't feel good, it's just how it is right now.

I teleworked for 12 years. Mine was inflexible. I hit the ground running at 8:00 am to talk to my east coast clients. I'd generally take lunch from 1:00 - 2:00 and from 2:00 - 5:00 I would be slammed with calls from my west coast clients.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, your child is four. You and your spouse need to push back on your "inflexible" telework jobs and figure out a way to give her more attention.

Uh no. Those who push back on "inflexible" telework jobs tend to find themselves unemployed. Hire help.

[Anonymous]

Hilarious that some people just assume people can flex. Dh is working 12 hour days (mandated overtime included) and he is super busy all day. My job is more flexible, but still requires multiple zoom meetings a day that must be done privately. I can’t have my kid wandering about, or even be near my husband.

Get a nanny or check with daycare. We did it for three months and finally gave up. Ds is back at daycare part-time and we are all much happier and less stressed.

[Anonymous]

Send her back to daycare, assuming there’s a spot.

[Anonymous]

I have 6,4 aand 2 yo. Both my DH and I work all day but different hours : 7-3 and 9-6. I have the kids from 7-9, DH takes a break at 9 and has them for an hour before 4 and 2yo take a nap together. I take check-in breaks to help 6 yo with homework. At 12, I take an hoyr break and do lunch and stuff with the kids. I prep crafts, activities and snacks for them and cut my video and focus on the 2yo, lead activities with the 4yo and did this until DH's done at 3. He takes them until 5. I usually finish work and prep dinner. We eat and I play with kids or we do family stuff for the rest of the day.

[Anonymous]

I'm in ed and a parent of a 4 year old. I get it. It's tough. I wouldn't worry about academics and I'd stop doing worksheets. Focus on playing, growing, and exploring.

What time does she get up? My kid gets up at 6 and we get a quick snack and then go on a fairly long walk. Then we play until 9 (my start time). He then eats breakfast while I check email at the table and then he's on his own until 11. DH takes lunch 11-12 and the go for a walk and then eat. He then watches an episode of paw patrol until I take lunch from 12:30-1:30. We normally go back outside to play basketball. He then come into the office to do "art" from 1:30-3:30, which involves cutting up junk mail, coloring, gluing, and whatever entertains him. Then he gets a snack box and self entertains until dad is done at 4.

If I have a zoom call that I'm in listen online mode for, I turn off my camera part way through and we build legos. I'll hop off mute when needed, but it helps a ton.
A little but if staggering or finding activities to do together really helps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Walks, bug hunting, bubbles (have her try to burst — great for hand eye coordination), simple cooperative board games to teach rules and social skills. Lots of books, online via Epic if you don’t have a library — you can still hold her and read. Have her help around the house. She can fold simple laundry and cut with a child safe knife in kitchen. Help vacuum and dust. Toy musical instruments and dance parties. Blocks, magnatiles, clay, paint, markers. Assorted gemstones to sort. Caterpillar to butterfly kit. Baking (very simple things) — she can help mix and pour. The idea is to plan enough novelty in your time with her that she gets stimulated by new skills and activities. Otherwise she will be restless and miserable and your energy will go into dealing with that.... also, if you use screentime, show her realistic things like musical concerts, nature docs, or even read alouds of books.

These are all fantastic idea if there is a stay at home parent. OP’s kid is 4, and you think her child can do all these things without supervision? Blocks and magnatiles yes but walks and bug hunting? I feel like most ppl who post on this thread has no idea how it’s like to have a full time job and a small kid.

I’m PP. Actually I have a full time job, as does my husband. Our hours are flexible fortunately but of course it has been a tremendous strain. We have two young children. It’s sort of pay now or pay later... if your kids are unhappy you will lose the time in another way. I’m not judging if OP doesn’t have the time or bandwidth. I get it. What we are doing is taking turns and on our breaks try to fit in as much stimulation and fun as we can for the kids. This is hard for them, too. Mine definitely act out if they are stuck inside all day. Two half hour recesses outside at minimum is mandatory for daycares, isn’t it? We try to do at least that, one in the morning and one in the afternoon. After dinner is a good time to get out too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Walks, bug hunting, bubbles (have her try to burst — great for hand eye coordination), simple cooperative board games to teach rules and social skills. Lots of books, online via Epic if you don’t have a library — you can still hold her and read. Have her help around the house. She can fold simple laundry and cut with a child safe knife in kitchen. Help vacuum and dust. Toy musical instruments and dance parties. Blocks, magnatiles, clay, paint, markers. Assorted gemstones to sort. Caterpillar to butterfly kit. Baking (very simple things) — she can help mix and pour. The idea is to plan enough novelty in your time with her that she gets stimulated by new skills and activities. Otherwise she will be restless and miserable and your energy will go into dealing with that.... also, if you use screentime, show her realistic things like musical concerts, nature docs, or even read alouds of books.

How is OP supposed to work if she has to do all of that with her kid? She can bake one cake and go for 1 walk, but she needs to work so how is her 4 year old supposed to do all of that alone?

I think the point is to lay off worksheets and get the child to learn by doing hands on activities.

As for work, if they really have no flex and have to be full time all day every minute they cannot leave a 4 year old to just hang out alone. At least get her a person to play with her, even if a mother’s helper who you need to supervise. Just a playmate (even like a 11 year old) and some activity ideas would go a long way.

[Anonymous]

Get these:
- magnatiles
- sand or kinetic sand
- easel
- tangam

Print out a new home scavenger hunt every morning

Is it possible to stagger your schedules even slightly? Like for one of you to start two hours early?

Hire a nanny for 3-4 hours a day. Make sure nanny takes her out for two hours at least. If you do this and stagger your schedules with a two hour different you will be set.

If all else fails find another family to socially distance with.