Introverts married to extroverts

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Carrying entire days, conversations, ideas, actions, decisions for introverts is indeed exhausting. Most people give up and become mute themselves if forced to be with introverts. Which is fascinatingly awkward for most neurotypicals to be completely silent through most meals and encounters with family members. The kids were about 9 yo when they realized one of their parents never talked much, about anything.

This is interesting to me. I am an introvert DW married to extrovert DH. I do not feel that my husband has ever had to carry entire days, ideas, actions or decisions for me. Conversations, yes. My husband can talk about anything to anyone. I am more comfortable with silence or deeper conversations, small talk has never been my thing. I do not believe most introverts are like you described above, i.e. expecting others to make decisions, perform actions or make decisions for them. I think that I am actually far more focused and goal oriented that my husband who is extremely social. It is just a difference that he gets his energy from interacting with others and I get my energy from taking time to myself.

Same here. But I would say that my husband doesn't even have to carry conversations -- I'm perfectly capable of having conversations with other. It's really about what energizes and drains each of us.

I would say this: I do need more down time than he does. But it has to be real down time. If I'm reading a book and the kids keep running in to ask me stuff they could have asked him, or he keeps interrupting, it's not really restorative. But I suck it up sometimes, too. I'm more likely to participate in some event if it's really important to him, etc., so he'll tell me if it's a big deal or not.

"Introvert" doesn't mean antisocial or selfish or rude. It means that people are drained by social activities with big groups, and recharged with time alone. Just like any other preference or personality difference, compassion and compromise are necessary.

This is 100% me too. My DH is very much an extrovert and I'm an outgoing introvert. I'm great at talking and like to be around people but I need to know that when I'm done we can be done. Trust me, I love to have fun and go out but sometimes I need to know that it's going to end at a certain time (often 11pm - midnight). I always say to people that my husband and I can both be excited about attending an event or night out with friends but as the night goes on I'm slowly losing my energy and he's continuing to ramp up. We had problems when we were younger (both 50 now) with him wanting to stay out until 2am if we were with friends and I would be done at midnight and ready to head home. Nowadays we are on the same page, mostly due to age I think. Also he golfs with buddies A LOT and that is perfect for me because I know he's out getting lots of interaction and I can hang with our kids or listen to podcasts on the deck or read etc. We just needed to come to an agreement that worked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the extroverts feeling miserable during this 2-3 month interlude: Ask yourself is this is how miserable your introvert spouse felt during the entirety of your pre-pandemic social life.

Once I realized how uncomfortable my introvert spouse was about going out as frequently as I like, we compromised. I only ask him to do what is high priority. After getting to go hear live music or a party I come home so happy, and he’s recharged from just being quiet. Works for us.

Would you consider family gatherings a high priority?

I am the wrong person to ask because we don’t have family closer than a six hour drive