Introverts married to extroverts

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those in a happy and long lasting introvert/extrovert marriage, how do you make it work? I'm an extrovert and I'm tired of my introvert wife.

Introvert is sometimes a polite way of saying something else. How serious is it here ?

So is extrovert. A friend’s DH was an extrovert all over town and now he pays CS for two year old twins that aren’t hers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those in a happy and long lasting introvert/extrovert marriage, how do you make it work? I'm an extrovert and I'm tired of my introvert wife.

Introvert is sometimes a polite way of saying something else. How serious is it here ?

Like what?

[Anonymous]

most marriages I know have an introvert/extrovert combination. I am an extrovert and during this time I am grateful for my introverted husband. He is much more used to wanting to be home and chill, which helps when I was losing my mind during the first month without my usual outlets to turn to. And turns out he is a better dad when we are all home then when i'm rushing the kids to the trillion activities that were 50% scheduled so I could see other mom friends. Is there a way for you to try to see the silver lining?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those in a happy and long lasting introvert/extrovert marriage, how do you make it work? I'm an extrovert and I'm tired of my introvert wife.

I guess you've known that she's an introvert all along and have found a way to work through this. Why the issue now and why isn't it workable now? It's a bit of a strange post.

Oh come on. Once the demands of kids arrive, things change all the time and lead to exactly this kind of question here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those in a happy and long lasting introvert/extrovert marriage, how do you make it work? I'm an extrovert and I'm tired of my introvert wife.

I guess you've known that she's an introvert all along and have found a way to work through this. Why the issue now and why isn't it workable now? It's a bit of a strange post.

Oh come on. Once the demands of kids arrive, things change all the time and lead to exactly this kind of question here.

The demands of kids isn’t necessarily any worse on introvert/extrovert couples than it is on extrovert/extrovert couples, so not sure why the “come on.”

[Anonymous]

My extrovert DH does all the social chores (walk dog, shopping, kids to Dr appts). I do more laundry, paperwork, etc. Also he has projects and activities like golfing with buddies that he does while I am alone. He’s also good about taking the extrovert child out with him.

[Anonymous]

My late husband was an introvert. There were some things he was willing to do, like go to concerts or out dancing, and others he hated, like parties. I gave up expecting him to go to parties with me. My friends all thought he hated them, which wasn't true. If I ever date again I would look for an extrovert. I find introverts exhausting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My late husband was an introvert. There were some things he was willing to do, like go to concerts or out dancing, and others he hated, like parties. I gave up expecting him to go to parties with me. My friends all thought he hated them, which wasn't true. If I ever date again I would look for an extrovert. I find introverts exhausting.

That’s so funny you say that because as an introvert, I find extroverts exhausting!!

[Anonymous]

Carrying entire days, conversations, ideas, actions, decisions for introverts is indeed exhausting. Most people give up and become mute themselves if forced to be with introverts. Which is fascinatingly awkward for most neurotypicals to be completely silent through most meals and encounters with family members. The kids were about 9 yo when they realized one of their parents never talked much, about anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Carrying entire days, conversations, ideas, actions, decisions for introverts is indeed exhausting. Most people give up and become mute themselves if forced to be with introverts. Which is fascinatingly awkward for most neurotypicals to be completely silent through most meals and encounters with family members. The kids were about 9 yo when they realized one of their parents never talked much, about anything.

My husband will go almost an entire meal without talking to us much. Other people think he doesn’t like them. Which he does. He’s just a reserved and serious person by nature.

[Anonymous]

I am an introverted wife but love being around my kids. The hardest thing about being married has been the constant pressure pre-COVID to professionally socialize for hours every week. I talk a lot and easily and try to be very present when spending time with anyone but after 1-2 hours max I am drained and ready to go home. These days without dinners, receptions, BBQs, parties, drinks, and playdates have been the happiest of my married life. I have already told DH that I won't do it again. When we return to his country this summer he will have to visit friends and family without me -- no more spending 5 or more hours in boring conversation over shared meals. Even my kids have noticed that the cloud of anger and anxiety that enveloped me has lifted now that life is no longer a rush to find the right cocktail dress and pumps.

[Anonymous]

People are allowed to be different from one another. Sometimes those differences work together, and sometimes they don't. In and of itself, that doesn't mean anything is intrinsically wrong with either one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Carrying entire days, conversations, ideas, actions, decisions for introverts is indeed exhausting. Most people give up and become mute themselves if forced to be with introverts. Which is fascinatingly awkward for most neurotypicals to be completely silent through most meals and encounters with family members. The kids were about 9 yo when they realized one of their parents never talked much, about anything.

My husband will go almost an entire meal without talking to us much. Other people think he doesn’t like them. Which he does. He’s just a reserved and serious person by nature.

Or he’s autistic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Carrying entire days, conversations, ideas, actions, decisions for introverts is indeed exhausting. Most people give up and become mute themselves if forced to be with introverts. Which is fascinatingly awkward for most neurotypicals to be completely silent through most meals and encounters with family members. The kids were about 9 yo when they realized one of their parents never talked much, about anything.

There’s a famous quote: “If there’s one autistic family member in the house, the whole family has autism.”

[Anonymous]

Single introverts are coping as a whole very, very well with the pandemic. Single extroverts, not so much. Doesn't mean there is anything wrong with the latter, just that current circumstances are not a good fit.

When you add in kids, it gets more complicated. Some introverts will cope well (see above post about a mom enjoying her kids but not the outside partying), and some less so. Some extroverts will not cope well with being unable to take the kids out and about, with other people (sports games, parties, socializing in the park, etc.), while some will get the stimulation they need from just the kids.