Luxury Assisted Living No Longer Worth It?

[Anonymous]

Hi OP,

Does anyone have the healthcare POA? Does anyone have the financial POA?

Reality is now is not the time to be moving anyone. A new facility will quarantine Mom for 14 days in a quarantine wing.
I don't think moving is a good option for the next 6 months or so.

After things clear with Covid and facilites open up consider touring assisted livings in your area, also next time you visit MIL in Palm Desert area, and also next time you are in Beverly Hills. I'd visit all of these on your own with you and your husband just so you see what is out there and at what price point.

It would not hurt to tour a couple of nursing homes in each area also.

Hold onto your info. At some point way down the road it may make sense to talk with BIL.

I find with eldercare I should not overthink things and sometimes it is best to just "coast" with where Mom is at the time. To do all the what iffs in my head just brings me down.

I agree with PP, some of the medicaid facilities I've toured in Maryland are nice (I'm in rural area.).

I know you can't tour facilities now but down the road consider it. I've toured assisted living and memory units and nursing homes in Maryland and Florida and it gave me a lot more insite.

[Anonymous]

OP here. More good posts, thank you.

To make my life more complicated, my DH is in need of heart valve repair surgery. The surgery was scheduled for early April and then got rescheduled to mid-June due to covid.

Today the surgeon called my DH to tell him that he tripped at home over the garden hose and injured his shoulder. So now it looks like DH's surgeon will be out of commission for 3 or 4 months. DH needs another echo-cardiagram to make sure his heart is ok to wait the 3 or 4 months.

My college freshman is home as most college age kids are. Every day is a struggle as she tries to be nice but has anxiety issues and is not happy to be here.

Part of us continuing to pay the $2K a month is minimize my DH's stress as that is most harmful to his heart.

Tough times for so many of us. I know I have it better than most. One day at a time.

[Anonymous]

Op here again. My BIL (the stinker) has medical and financial POA. Oh, did I mention that he is a recovering addict (pills and booze)?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

So her monthly expenses add up to about $9K a month.

Her 'rent' which includes food is about $6.5K

This doesn't make sense
Where is the $2,500 extra going? I don't believe your figures Op

You have to look at the pricing structure of these places. Some do tack on additional charges for medication management, help with bathing/dressing, etc. I know that seems ridiculous given it's an "assisted living" and one would expect that type of help to be included in the monthly base rate. But you can not assume that.

Make sure to get a copy of the statement each money. Are you sure BIL is even paying anything? You need to refuse at this point and move her. You have a college kid, your own expenses and health issues. This is not reasonable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. More good posts, thank you.

To make my life more complicated, my DH is in need of heart valve repair surgery. The surgery was scheduled for early April and then got rescheduled to mid-June due to covid.

Today the surgeon called my DH to tell him that he tripped at home over the garden hose and injured his shoulder. So now it looks like DH's surgeon will be out of commission for 3 or 4 months. DH needs another echo-cardiagram to make sure his heart is ok to wait the 3 or 4 months.

My college freshman is home as most college age kids are. Every day is a struggle as she tries to be nice but has anxiety issues and is not happy to be here.

Part of us continuing to pay the $2K a month is minimize my DH's stress as that is most harmful to his heart.

Tough times for so many of us. I know I have it better than most. One day at a time.

Ugh. You are going through a lot right now. When it rains it pours.

I am sorry that your relatives are not being more helpful and I am so sorry that your BIL is such a world class jerk. I totally understand why the thought of looking for another place for your MIL, much less moving her altogether, would be totally overwhelming. Especially during this time of COVID-19.

Eldercare sucks and it should be made more easy for families to navigate. You should not be paying 2K a month for your MIL's luxury assisted living. I am sorry that you were rooked into doing that because that seems very, very wrong to me. At least your MIL is getting good care. There is that.

[Anonymous]

Time for family meeting after your DH surgery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you sound like a loving and caring DIL. My only concern about this plan would be the socializing. It sounds like this was very important to your MIL. While I know we have no idea when things will go back to “normal” do you think your MIL would miss being among friends?

Consider getting an apartment near the assisted living. She can uber over to see her friends at the assisted living.

Not before the pandemic ends. No visitors are allowed at these facilities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your SIL agrees to take in your MIL and then your SIL has some sort of health emergency where she can no longer care for your MIL, what then? Are you prepared to take your MIL into your home?

+1 There are no easy solutions here.