s/o "full time mom" is "housewife" a derogatory term?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who says you need a “special passion” in order to have a job?

I would guess that most people don’t consider their jobs their passions and that is all right. They are satisfied with the knowledge that they are contributing to the world and their families.

Just get a job, anything.

Lol. My special passion is a roof over my head, food on the table and clothes for my kids.

LOL. My special passion is more and more education and college courses for myself, just so I become more informed. After all, a great education in the first place allowed me to make good amount of money in a few years, invest all of it and see it grow, and then take super-duper early retirement to stay at home with my kids. It has also allowed me to tutor my kids and guide them into great colleges and career. Raising successful kids that you can be proud of, having a great marriage and life, and having enough money for needs and wants is the reward I have got.

I am sure I will work if I need to to pay for a roof over my head, food on the table, clothes for my kids and medicines for the family. I would also work to provide college education for my kids. Thankfully, all of these things have been checked due to the fabulous education my parents paid for.

So you are super privileged. Whatever.

And you are not super privileged.

Well, RIP to you, but I am different!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Full time mom is derogatory because it implies other mothers aren't full time, which of course they are. Your child is always your child. You are always your child's mother.

Housewife is fine, if outdated.

I think then WOHMs should specify that they are WOHMs and also FULL-TIME Mothers. No one is saying that they cannot say.

I am married to my DH and not the house. I think I would rather call myself just the "wife of DH". How about that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I WOH but I think SAHM is the most neutral term you can use.

You identify with the work you do.

What do you do? I am a doctor.
What do you do? I am a full-time mom.

I would never call myself a SAHM, because I do not hear others call themselves a WOHM. We all are moms. I choose to spend more time with my kids than the WOHMs and when they were little I chose that they stayed at home with me instead of a childcare provider.

This is part of the problem. I have a friend who asks "what's making you happy these days? / what makes you happy?" instead of "what have you been up to? / what do you do?" She's amazing.

It also makes both full time and non working women down to a 1 dimensional creature. The most interesting parts of me don't relate to my job. The best things I do are not related to my job and I have a decently fun and meaningful job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I WOH but I think SAHM is the most neutral term you can use.

You identify with the work you do.

What do you do? I am a doctor.
What do you do? I am a full-time mom.

I would never call myself a SAHM, because I do not hear others call themselves a WOHM. We all are moms. I choose to spend more time with my kids than the WOHMs and when they were little I chose that they stayed at home with me instead of a childcare provider.

This is part of the problem. I have a friend who asks "what's making you happy these days? / what makes you happy?" instead of "what have you been up to? / what do you do?" She's amazing.

It also makes both full time and non working women down to a 1 dimensional creature. The most interesting parts of me don't relate to my job. The best things I do are not related to my job and I have a decently fun and meaningful job.

Holy cow, ignore the horrible writing. You get my point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I WOH but I think SAHM is the most neutral term you can use.

You identify with the work you do.

What do you do? I am a doctor.
What do you do? I am a full-time mom.

I would never call myself a SAHM, because I do not hear others call themselves a WOHM. We all are moms. I choose to spend more time with my kids than the WOHMs and when they were little I chose that they stayed at home with me instead of a childcare provider.

I literally just referred to myself as "WOH."

The "full-time mom" thing just sounds unnecessarily defensive to me.

"What do you do?"
" I WOH."

I would die laughing if I heard that at a party.

PP. Fair. I misinterpreted her comment to suggest WOHM parents don't qualify the term with "outside the home." Yes, I say my profession when asked "what do you do."

I still think "full-time mom" sounds defensive. Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't think most people go around categorizing mothers as full-time or . . . what? part-time? I just assume you're a "full-time" parent whether or not you have a paying job. Are the working husbands of "full-time moms" part-time dads?

I get wanting to find a term that captures the day to day work involved with caring for children, but I think SAHM does that without sounding like you have a chip on your shoulder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I WOH but I think SAHM is the most neutral term you can use.

You identify with the work you do.

What do you do? I am a doctor.
What do you do? I am a full-time mom.

I would never call myself a SAHM, because I do not hear others call themselves a WOHM. We all are moms. I choose to spend more time with my kids than the WOHMs and when they were little I chose that they stayed at home with me instead of a childcare provider.

Are you the physician up-thread? Did you contribute to the other thread? Are you super religious? You really hate WOHMs, don't you? In your dark little stone of a heart, you think we have failed our children.

Why would anyone hate someone else for the choices that they make for their own children? You give yourself too much importance, anonymous DCUM user! You and your child are not the concern of other people. You do you.

My heart and my DH's heart is not dark or made up of stone for our own kids, so obviously we could not leave our kids in someone else's care. But that is us and our children. Rest assured, I am neutral about who takes care of your or someone else's kid. You do you.

Yeah, this sounds super neutral and "you do you" (crap phrase, btw). All the WOH moms have dark hearts of coal, OBVIOUSLY,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To me a housewife is someone who doesn’t have kids but relies on her husband’s income and doesn’t work.

All married women, with servants, who do not have kids, ok, got it! So a woman gets married and instead of being a bride she is a housewife to the groom.

Umm...what if they are TTC or are infertile? Should they be called a housewife?

If she doesn't work? Then yes. To me, a wife who doesn't work and doesn't have kids would be a housewife.

A woman who doesn't work and has kids to me would be a SAHM. That would include SAHMs with full time nannies.

I don't think this is accurate. For me, being at home and raising my child (with nannies even) was a visceral and biological need as a mom. It may be due to the fact that personally, I got married to have a family (else I could have lived with my DH in a monogamous LTR). Or, it could be that I and my family rejoiced for both my pregnancies and these were much awaited kids. Family helped a lot and made it possible for me to me to nurse and EBF my kids for 9 months and sustain it for 3 years each time. Once I had my first baby, there was just no way that I felt ready to leave my kids with a caregiver. Maybe it was all the hormones of pregnancy and breastfeeding, but for me there was no better calling than being a full-time mom to my kids. And yes. it was isolating at times and hard, even with all the help, but there was never ever any doubt in me that I had to be with my babies.

I never was a good housewife and my DH does most of the cooking. I have always employed people to do the cleaning and other chores for me, so I am ok to be a wife, but not really a housewife. Also, I know WOHMs who come back from work and they do cleaning, cooking etc. and a lot more work than I do.

I think terminology has to change here and keep pace with how babies are being gestated (surrogates etc), how they are being nourished (FF, BF) and how they are being raised (Daycare, nanny, au pair, parents) etc. For me Full Time Mom works. If it offends and triggers others then that can't be helped. People get triggered for all kinds of things too, but not being triggered by real substantive issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I WOH but I think SAHM is the most neutral term you can use.

You identify with the work you do.

What do you do? I am a doctor.
What do you do? I am a full-time mom.

I would never call myself a SAHM, because I do not hear others call themselves a WOHM. We all are moms. I choose to spend more time with my kids than the WOHMs and when they were little I chose that they stayed at home with me instead of a childcare provider.

Are you the physician up-thread? Did you contribute to the other thread? Are you super religious? You really hate WOHMs, don't you? In your dark little stone of a heart, you think we have failed our children.

Why would anyone hate someone else for the choices that they make for their own children? You give yourself too much importance, anonymous DCUM user! You and your child are not the concern of other people. You do you.

My heart and my DH's heart is not dark or made up of stone for our own kids, so obviously we could not leave our kids in someone else's care. But that is us and our children. Rest assured, I am neutral about who takes care of your or someone else's kid. You do you.

Yeah, this sounds super neutral and "you do you" (crap phrase, btw). All the WOH moms have dark hearts of coal, OBVIOUSLY,

Wow! You are projecting and seem to be totally unhinged. Please disregard the "you do you" advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I WOH but I think SAHM is the most neutral term you can use.

You identify with the work you do.

What do you do? I am a doctor.
What do you do? I am a full-time mom.

I would never call myself a SAHM, because I do not hear others call themselves a WOHM. We all are moms. I choose to spend more time with my kids than the WOHMs and when they were little I chose that they stayed at home with me instead of a childcare provider.

Are you the physician up-thread? Did you contribute to the other thread? Are you super religious? You really hate WOHMs, don't you? In your dark little stone of a heart, you think we have failed our children.

Why would anyone hate someone else for the choices that they make for their own children? You give yourself too much importance, anonymous DCUM user! You and your child are not the concern of other people. You do you.

My heart and my DH's heart is not dark or made up of stone for our own kids, so obviously we could not leave our kids in someone else's care. But that is us and our children. Rest assured, I am neutral about who takes care of your or someone else's kid. You do you.

Yeah, this sounds super neutral and "you do you" (crap phrase, btw). All the WOH moms have dark hearts of coal, OBVIOUSLY,

Wow! You are projecting and seem to be totally unhinged. Please disregard the "you do you" advice.

Please describe how this is non-judgmental, neutral advice. But nice job on hitting the DCUM bingo with "you do you" and "unhinged" within 2 posts. "My heart and my DH's heart is not dark or made up of stone for our own kids, so obviously we could not leave our kids in someone else's care."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I WOH but I think SAHM is the most neutral term you can use.

You identify with the work you do.

What do you do? I am a doctor.
What do you do? I am a full-time mom.

I would never call myself a SAHM, because I do not hear others call themselves a WOHM. We all are moms. I choose to spend more time with my kids than the WOHMs and when they were little I chose that they stayed at home with me instead of a childcare provider.

Are you the physician up-thread? Did you contribute to the other thread? Are you super religious? You really hate WOHMs, don't you? In your dark little stone of a heart, you think we have failed our children.

Why would anyone hate someone else for the choices that they make for their own children? You give yourself too much importance, anonymous DCUM user! You and your child are not the concern of other people. You do you. ]My heart and my DH's heart is not dark or made up of stone for our own kids, so obviously we could not leave our kids in someone else's care. But that is us and our children. Rest assured, I am neutral about who takes care of your or someone else's kid. You do you.

Yeah, this sounds super neutral and "you do you" (crap phrase, btw). All the WOH moms have dark hearts of coal, OBVIOUSLY,

Wow! You are projecting and seem to be totally unhinged. Please disregard the "you do you" advice.

Please describe how this is non-judgmental, neutral advice. But nice job on hitting the DCUM bingo with "you do you" and "unhinged" within 2 posts. "My heart and my DH's heart is not dark or made up of stone for our own kids, so obviously we could not leave our kids in someone else's care."

Ok cray-cray. Replied to the PP in the same vein and bolded that for your comprehension.

[Anonymous]

This is part of the problem. I have a friend who asks "what's making you happy these days? / what makes you happy?" instead of "what have you been up to? / what do you do?" She's amazing.

Oh goddd I hate these kinds of questions. They feel pretty invasive especially if it’s is someone you don’t know well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To me a housewife is someone who doesn’t have kids but relies on her husband’s income and doesn’t work.

All married women, with servants, who do not have kids, ok, got it! So a woman gets married and instead of being a bride she is a housewife to the groom.

Umm...what if they are TTC or are infertile? Should they be called a housewife?

If she doesn't work? Then yes. To me, a wife who doesn't work and doesn't have kids would be a housewife.

A woman who doesn't work and has kids to me would be a SAHM. That would include SAHMs with full time nannies.

I don't think this is accurate. For me, being at home and raising my child (with nannies even) was a visceral and biological need as a mom. It may be due to the fact that personally, I got married to have a family (else I could have lived with my DH in a monogamous LTR). Or, it could be that I and my family rejoiced for both my pregnancies and these were much awaited kids. Family helped a lot and made it possible for me to me to nurse and EBF my kids for 9 months and sustain it for 3 years each time. Once I had my first baby, there was just no way that I felt ready to leave my kids with a caregiver. Maybe it was all the hormones of pregnancy and breastfeeding, but for me there was no better calling than being a full-time mom to my kids. And yes. it was isolating at times and hard, even with all the help, but there was never ever any doubt in me that I had to be with my babies.

I never was a good housewife and my DH does most of the cooking. I have always employed people to do the cleaning and other chores for me, so I am ok to be a wife, but not really a housewife. Also, I know WOHMs who come back from work and they do cleaning, cooking etc. and a lot more work than I do.

I think terminology has to change here and keep pace with how babies are being gestated (surrogates etc), how they are being nourished (FF, BF) and how they are being raised (Daycare, nanny, au pair, parents) etc. For me Full Time Mom works. If it offends and triggers others then that can't be helped. People get triggered for all kinds of things too, but not being triggered by real substantive issues.

You sound lazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I say "I don't work" even though that makes people wince initially or try to argue it gets the point across and the awkwardness fizzles quickly. It feels weird to say stay at home when I volunteer or am on the go all the time. I love the flexibility of volunteering!! Housewife feels outdated and dh said saying I'm unemployed implied I was looking for work. Woman of leisure feels like I'm showing off that I enjoy leisurely breakfasts (though I often do) but its not very leisurly to fold laundry or wrestle my kids muddy cleats on and drive him to practice.

If l could stay home all day I would love that too, sounds like a vacation! I might ask for a day home for mothers day.

I have accepted that discomfort of telling people I don't work as a miniscule price to pay for doing exactly what I want to do with my life. I live in an urban area and a sahm is rare but still have a great group of friends that work. A few encourage me to because they see the world as better working and others say they envy me. I envy them too but I'm not trading.

Thank you for one of the more thoughtful and respectful answers to this post. It may feel awkward on your end but for many of us your answer would not elicit any awkwardness.
-WOHM

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I WOH but I think SAHM is the most neutral term you can use.

You identify with the work you do.

What do you do? I am a doctor.
What do you do? I am a full-time mom.

I would never call myself a SAHM, because I do not hear others call themselves a WOHM. We all are moms. I choose to spend more time with my kids than the WOHMs and when they were little I chose that they stayed at home with me instead of a childcare provider.

Sigh. Do you see how she didn't say she was a full-time doctor? So just say you're a mom. But you need some more validation than that, so you say you're a full-time mom because it makes you feel better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I WOH but I think SAHM is the most neutral term you can use.

You identify with the work you do.

What do you do? I am a doctor.
What do you do? I am a full-time mom.

I would never call myself a SAHM, because I do not hear others call themselves a WOHM. We all are moms. I choose to spend more time with my kids than the WOHMs and when they were little I chose that they stayed at home with me instead of a childcare provider.

I literally just referred to myself as "WOH."

The "full-time mom" thing just sounds unnecessarily defensive to me.

It is not being defensive. It is said with a lot of pride.

Pride? That's a new one. So you're proud of yourself for staying home?