An example of an everyday interaction

[Anonymous]

Your husband is an idiot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're both idiots. You deserve each other.

He has ADHD and you should divorce immediately. He's cheating for sure and probably intentionally running over Canadian geese in you neighborhood and speeding away, unbeknownst to you (rinses blood and feathers at the local do-it-yourself car wash). Plus, his nephew is staying rent free in a family vacation home in North Carolina, while bringing a friend who your DH wants to charge rent. Run, don't walk.

This is epic! I am impressed Nicely done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I cannot even imagine dating someone like that where it would progress to marriage. How did that happen?

+1 Flipped over a full pot of hot soup to look at the bottom is not the same as "absentminded." How does this fool function in the world? And why would you choose to go through life with him at your side?

This. Are you sure he isn't mentally challenged? Slow? Traumatic brain injury? Because anybody who regularly does something that stupid has got serious life skills problems. How has he not hit a pedestrian while driving because he didn't see them in the cross walk? or not burnt himself by draining a pot of spaghetti onto the counter? Or not eaten rat poison in a clearly marked poison box. I just don't get it.

I chose him for many other reasons, one of which is that he's a good person at heart. But also, I think judging someone for a handicap is kind of a shi*ty thing to do. He's way smarter than me in other domains, just not in common sense. The driving has gotten better, but yes it was very concerning at first. He gets furious at people who walk into the road - probably because he has trouble noticing them and is afraid he will hit them. He burns himself and breaks things all the time. I usually intervene before he eats something he shouldn't eat. I know it sounds crazy, and maybe it is. But he's one of those people who excels in a very narrow area of his life, and everything else he just barely gets by.

Yes, there are some really brilliant people like this. Like the "absent minded professor" stereotype.
On the specturm? Maybe... or head in the clouds, or no common sense. Any or all of them...doesn't matter.
He is who he is, and you can either accept it and make it work, or not. He won't change -- you won't get him to be less clumsy or suddenly "get" common sense.
I think the best you can hope for -- maybe with therapy -- is if he is more accepting of criticism. But you will have to be flexible there as well, as how you give criticism.
Do the pros outweigh the cons?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I cannot even imagine dating someone like that where it would progress to marriage. How did that happen?

+1 Flipped over a full pot of hot soup to look at the bottom is not the same as "absentminded." How does this fool function in the world? And why would you choose to go through life with him at your side?

This. Are you sure he isn't mentally challenged? Slow? Traumatic brain injury? Because anybody who regularly does something that stupid has got serious life skills problems. How has he not hit a pedestrian while driving because he didn't see them in the cross walk? or not burnt himself by draining a pot of spaghetti onto the counter? Or not eaten rat poison in a clearly marked poison box. I just don't get it.

I chose him for many other reasons, one of which is that he's a good person at heart. But also, I think judging someone for a handicap is kind of a shi*ty thing to do. He's way smarter than me in other domains, just not in common sense. The driving has gotten better, but yes it was very concerning at first. He gets furious at people who walk into the road - probably because he has trouble noticing them and is afraid he will hit them. He burns himself and breaks things all the time. I usually intervene before he eats something he shouldn't eat. I know it sounds crazy, and maybe it is. But he's one of those people who excels in a very narrow area of his life, and everything else he just barely gets by.

DOES he have a disability? (Or handicap, as you say?). I am judging him, but you haven't said he has a diagnosed disability. You just said he was "absentminded" and "impulsive" ... I'm both of those things as well, but I'd NEVER do what he did, and I wouldn't call it a disability. A personal flaw, perhaps.

I consider it a disability of sorts, but he has no formal diagnosis and I don't think any label would actually fit him.

*Everything* you’ve posted about him screams ADHD. Why do you think no label would fit him?

Because he’s very good at getting things done on time and focusing on very long term projects, as long as it is on his “priority” list, which frankly, is extremely short and limited. He has no secondary list however, so if it’s not on his priority list, it’s not on his radar at all. He is never late, likes a routine, is generally very still, and never writes anything down but relies on his memory. When we first met, I gave him my number but he refused to write it down, but he remembered it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I cannot even imagine dating someone like that where it would progress to marriage. How did that happen?

+1 Flipped over a full pot of hot soup to look at the bottom is not the same as "absentminded." How does this fool function in the world? And why would you choose to go through life with him at your side?

This. Are you sure he isn't mentally challenged? Slow? Traumatic brain injury? Because anybody who regularly does something that stupid has got serious life skills problems. How has he not hit a pedestrian while driving because he didn't see them in the cross walk? or not burnt himself by draining a pot of spaghetti onto the counter? Or not eaten rat poison in a clearly marked poison box. I just don't get it.

I chose him for many other reasons, one of which is that he's a good person at heart. But also, I think judging someone for a handicap is kind of a shi*ty thing to do. He's way smarter than me in other domains, just not in common sense. The driving has gotten better, but yes it was very concerning at first. He gets furious at people who walk into the road - probably because he has trouble noticing them and is afraid he will hit them. He burns himself and breaks things all the time. I usually intervene before he eats something he shouldn't eat. I know it sounds crazy, and maybe it is. But he's one of those people who excels in a very narrow area of his life, and everything else he just barely gets by.

Yes, there are some really brilliant people like this. Like the "absent minded professor" stereotype.
On the specturm? Maybe... or head in the clouds, or no common sense. Any or all of them...doesn't matter.
He is who he is, and you can either accept it and make it work, or not. He won't change -- you won't get him to be less clumsy or suddenly "get" common sense.
I think the best you can hope for -- maybe with therapy -- is if he is more accepting of criticism. But you will have to be flexible there as well, as how you give criticism.
Do the pros outweigh the cons?

Yes, he's totally an absent-minded professor, daydreaming all the time about differential equations or what-not. Except he looks like a normal person with above average looks, and has some acting chops, coupled with a high emotional IQ, so he can be like a chameleon and blend in for a short while with many different kinds of people, even though in general, he hates being around people. So most people who know him have no idea. As to whether the pros outweigh the cons - generally yes, but....depends on the day you ask me.

I think you hit the nail on the head though in terms of the main issue. The main issue his reaction to any kind of perceived criticism and blaming others, and also in the way I communicate so that it doesn't come off as criticism. I agree we both need to work on that.

[Anonymous]

If that previous post is true his mental issues are crating anxiety and he needs anxiety meds, created by his issues

[Anonymous]

Your husband totally went waaay overboard on this.

He should clean up the stove & apologize for what he did.

[Anonymous]

OP, him having a “high emotional IQ” implies empathy and good communication. Plus it doesn’t jive with either autism nor ADHD, which involved a cognitive INability to connect others others or needs of anything.
Or you sure he’s not just mimicking what he thinks is socially acceptable and then never actually following through?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're both idiots. You deserve each other.

Youre an idiot!