If someone has too extravagant a party or home, would you not reciprocate?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Generally I know that I am not going to have much in common with someone who lives in a mansion or a big flashy house. We just have different values and priorities and it is unlikely we would hit it off. It isn't about income but how people choose to live. We generally look to invite people over and build friendships with people with similar lifestyles or common philosophies towards life.

I am not impressed by lavish displays of wealth.

This exactly. I just don’t have much in common with someone who lives in a big house.

So strange to me that people are so judgmental about things that may be completely irrelevant to character and values.

How is the size of your home irrelevant to your values? If was a choice that you made based on the values you hold. Unless someone held a gun to your head and forced you to buy a massive house against your will and against everything you stand for, it represents you.

What makes it against someone’s values, unless their value system includes ‘must always live in a small house’?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Generally I know that I am not going to have much in common with someone who lives in a mansion or a big flashy house. We just have different values and priorities and it is unlikely we would hit it off. It isn't about income but how people choose to live. We generally look to invite people over and build friendships with people with similar lifestyles or common philosophies towards life.

I am not impressed by lavish displays of wealth.

This exactly. I just don’t have much in common with someone who lives in a big house.

I truly don't understand this way of thinking. I went to a private school with very wealthy people (we were rich but not RICH) and one of the nicest, most down-to-earth, friendliest families we knew lived in a huge house. The dad was a builder (mostly commercial) and they had like an eight-car garage and the kids rooms were in different wings and they had multiple living rooms but they were very generous, kind, and loving people and the size of their house had nothing to do with that. They were super involved with their church, had a very close-knit family, donated tons and not just their money but their time, took in foster kids, etc. Seriously, some of the best people I've ever encountered. I think anyone who judges someone by the size of their house, large or small, is kind of a jerk.

I never said they wouldn't be good people. I said we wouldn't have much in common due to differences in lifestyles and philosophies. There are lots of people in the world who are lovely people in their own way but we aren't going to be best friends due to our differences. There are lots of lovely amazing people living in the poorest neighborhoods too - but no one is inviting them over just because they are lovely. When you have your big dinner parties and holiday parties in your mansions how many people are you inviting that are on public assistance. Likely not many. Not because they aren't wonderful lovely people but because you have very different lifestyles.

Having a massive home or wearing only name brand or having eight cars or taking 20K vacations are personal choices that are made based on what is important to someone in their life. They choose where to spend their resources based on what they value. I am not saying that is wrong, I am saying it is very different from what we value. We just don't have much in common at our cores. We can still chit chat about a movie we both saw or discuss the weather and enjoy the talk but these aren't people that I am going to work to build relationships with. Our lives are just too different.

I think you would be surprised. I mean, we are the same people that lived in a regular old house two years ago. We still have the same friends that we had when we were penniless college students, or newly married and starting our careers. We have a large house for reasons - family members that are staying with us for 6 months out of the year, hosting large family gatherings, that sort of thing not having to do with ostentatious displays of wealth. We drive non-fancy cars, and have two. One per adult. We do take more international vacations, but that’s a choice; instead of going to Disney, we spend the same on visiting a new country. Our kid goes to public school. We don’t actually do pretty much anything out of the ordinary, really.

Of course, the funniest thing to me is that as nice as our house is, we paid for it, probably less than what a nice but more modest house would cost in say, Vienna.

[Anonymous]

I live in a “magazine home” & host all the time. Could not possibly care less about friends’ homes! I just want to have fun with nice people. I’d rather have fun in a warm & interesting 1br apartment than hang in a mansion with boring law firm partners. I really hope my house isn’t off-putting to awesome people with smaller houses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Generally I know that I am not going to have much in common with someone who lives in a mansion or a big flashy house. We just have different values and priorities and it is unlikely we would hit it off. It isn't about income but how people choose to live. We generally look to invite people over and build friendships with people with similar lifestyles or common philosophies towards life.

I am not impressed by lavish displays of wealth.

This exactly. I just don’t have much in common with someone who lives in a big house.

I truly don't understand this way of thinking. I went to a private school with very wealthy people (we were rich but not RICH) and one of the nicest, most down-to-earth, friendliest families we knew lived in a huge house. The dad was a builder (mostly commercial) and they had like an eight-car garage and the kids rooms were in different wings and they had multiple living rooms but they were very generous, kind, and loving people and the size of their house had nothing to do with that. They were super involved with their church, had a very close-knit family, donated tons and not just their money but their time, took in foster kids, etc. Seriously, some of the best people I've ever encountered. I think anyone who judges someone by the size of their house, large or small, is kind of a jerk.

I never said they wouldn't be good people. I said we wouldn't have much in common due to differences in lifestyles and philosophies. There are lots of people in the world who are lovely people in their own way but we aren't going to be best friends due to our differences. There are lots of lovely amazing people living in the poorest neighborhoods too - but no one is inviting them over just because they are lovely. When you have your big dinner parties and holiday parties in your mansions how many people are you inviting that are on public assistance. Likely not many. Not because they aren't wonderful lovely people but because you have very different lifestyles.

Having a massive home or wearing only name brand or having eight cars or taking 20K vacations are personal choices that are made based on what is important to someone in their life. They choose where to spend their resources based on what they value. I am not saying that is wrong, I am saying it is very different from what we value. We just don't have much in common at our cores. We can still chit chat about a movie we both saw or discuss the weather and enjoy the talk but these aren't people that I am going to work to build relationships with. Our lives are just too different.

Do you consider yourself to be open-minded? I just find it so odd that you think your core values are so different from someone who likes to wear Louboutins and travel to Europe. I can see not wanting to be friends with someone who is racist but someone who spends their money differently than I do? Wouldn't even cross my mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
In a nutshell, yes, a lot of people think like you. I think like you! I have actively fought to correct myself over the years, knowing in my heart that parents want their children to have friends and don't mind visiting a significantly more modest home than theirs. My friend living in an apartment still hasn't invited me all these years, even though we have lunch together at my house or go out to eat regularly. I can only correct my behavior, not hers or anyone else's.

Agreed. We don’t ever invite other kids to our house because we are in a townhome and most of the kids at my kids’ schools are in million dollar homes. It sucks and it’s isolating.

Life's too short for this! Invite people over! I think my mother thought like this for years and I hated that we never had anyone over. We try to entertain as much as we can, and did so when we lived in a 1BR apartment, and smallish cottage too. People like to be with people. If your home is clean, and your interest in other people is genuine, they will love to be invited over for a meal and conversation. Show your kids what it's like to practice generous hospitality with whatever you have; it's a huge gift to them to learn this from their parents.