Dating after loss of spouse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, so many judgemental people in this thread who know what another person should do. When my spouse passed, the love of my life, I was with another partner 2 months later. We are still together years later and very happy. If I'd applied the "rules" that some of you wa t to impose on a grieving spouse, I'd have missed my opportunity for true happiness with this person. You can be happy with a new relationship and still grieve. If any of my family had a problem with that, and I've never heard anything but it's very possible, that's for them to deal with. Don't lay your judgemental BS on me.

Did you have children who were grieving the loss of a parent? If so, yeah, you stink.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think more importantly, it’s about what you think about your kids. If their reaction matters to you, talk to them and wait. If not, do what you want.

For minor kids, it's just common sense to wait. No matter what their verbal reaction is, they need time to be supported in their grief. The loss of a parent is worse than the loss of a spouse - a spouse you can replace; a parent you cannot. An adult can choose to cover up or end their grieving by rapidly getting remarried, but a child cannot. The remarriage then puts the child and new partner in an untenable situation of competing loyalties. On the flip side, any person who would go all-in in a super fast new relationship with a recent widower with minor kids doesn't really have their head screwed on straight, either. It's not a good sign of their ability to manage their emotions and relationships.

I agree, with a caveat: if the child is under 5, it is probably okay to remarry within a year. They cope with loss in a very different way than a cognizant ES kid, tween, or teenager may cope. Most children only remember snippets of life that young. if it would help the grieving spouse not be depressed, anxious, more loving and engaged, I am supportive of a widow remarrying after a grieving period that is appropriate for them and those they love. I would also be sure to work with a grief counselor.