Is it worth it for me to work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m in the same boat. DH earns $2m per year and I will always be the default parent. I’m responsible for our 3 kids. I have considered going back to work but next year, I will have kids at 3 different schools with different start times, end times and activities.

I would love a job that was from 10-2 four days per week. I don’t think such a job exists.

Of course they exist. That’s what my housekeeper works. That’s what I work. That’s what my admin works.

But you don’t really want any of these jobs. You don’t want to be anyone’s housekeeper or administrative assistant, but you don’t want the stress of running the show either.

You want a job that isn’t actually a lot of work, that doesn’t require a ton of training, that is extremely flexible if you want time off for five weeks of vacation, that is personally fulfilling, and that sounds good to your friends. This is what doesn’t exist. It isn’t the hours.

What do you do from 10-2 when you have your housekeeper and admin?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it's pretty clear from your posts that you don't want to work. You are making excuses for why it won't work, but there are really straightforward solutions to all of them. It's totally fine if you don't want to, but don't pretend it's not realistic to work. That $70k/year full time job would more than pay for before/after care + summer camps, and you could do snow day camps and take sick days when your kid is sick (less and less as they age).

That said, if you are happy with the way things are, I wouldn't go back to work full time. There is value in being able to get household stuff done during the week so weekends are family time. There is a mental relief to not having to scramble to find care on snow days. It sounds like what you have is working for your family.

This.

Yep. Nobody care if you don’t work OP. But there isn’t some unicorn flexible high paying fulfilling part time job out there. Everything is a trade off.

LOL, on $70k/year OP will take home $4k/mo. DCPS (don't know where OP is) has 3 full weeks plus a dozen other days off. Camps are $400/week each x 10 weeks of summer + 3 weeks off is $5,200+. Before and aftercare are at least $1200/mo for two kids at our school. So OP is paying just under $20k/year for childcare and taking home $30k. This doesn't even include all the extras you end up paying for, for meals out/prepared foods because you're picking up the kids at 6 when you are just getting home yourself, extra cab rides, outsourcing cleaning, updated professional wardrobe, lunches out, etc. I am not sure I'd stress my whole family out for <$30k/year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If OP were man I'd be surprised if he got so much advice to volunteer rather than work. I'd suggest that the OP use this time to gain the skills to get a better paying job on the next few years. This time is a gift she should use wisely.

Why? If OP were a wealthy SAHD and had made the agreement with his full time working wife that he would be the default caregiver, and he said he felt unfilled, I'd be giving the same exact advice. There's so much need out there in the community, go use the time you have and make a difference rather than sitting around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m in the same boat. DH earns $2m per year and I will always be the default parent. I’m responsible for our 3 kids. I have considered going back to work but next year, I will have kids at 3 different schools with different start times, end times and activities.

I would love a job that was from 10-2 four days per week. I don’t think such a job exists.

Of course they exist. That’s what my housekeeper works. That’s what I work. That’s what my admin works.

But you don’t really want any of these jobs. You don’t want to be anyone’s housekeeper or administrative assistant, but you don’t want the stress of running the show either.

You want a job that isn’t actually a lot of work, that doesn’t require a ton of training, that is extremely flexible if you want time off for five weeks of vacation, that is personally fulfilling, and that sounds good to your friends. This is what doesn’t exist. It isn’t the hours.

What do you do from 10-2 when you have your housekeeper and admin?

Lol...why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m in the same boat. DH earns $2m per year and I will always be the default parent. I’m responsible for our 3 kids. I have considered going back to work but next year, I will have kids at 3 different schools with different start times, end times and activities.

I would love a job that was from 10-2 four days per week. I don’t think such a job exists.

Sure they do! Retail like Lululemon, Williams Sonoma, Pottery Barn, small boutiques, Neiman Marcus, Nordstrom, etc... Or a boutique gym like SoulCycle or Solidcore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Not Op. I’m a SAHM who also works 5 hours per week, room parents for my kids, active in PTA, work out, etc.

OP, you don’t mention a housekeeper. We have a large house and I have a housekeeper and do very few chores around the house. My youngest only goes to preschool 2x per week though so I still keep occupied with the little one.

I will be you in 2 years when my youngest starts kindergarten. I struggle with going back to work. Just the past 2 months, we went on 2 vacations, all the kids and I took turns being sick, I planned holiday parties for kids classes, hosted friends and family. I could not have done all that if I was working.

I couldn’t host play dates on snow days and teacher work days.

I would consider the $15 job though if I thought it was interesting work. We pay our nanny $25 per hour so it seems silly but I would consider it in the future. I’m Ivy League educated and have multiple degrees. I know I can offer a lot. I just don’t want to work full time and we don’t need my income.

I work FT, and the only thing on that list I haven't done in the past two months is plan a class party. But I have planned and run a couple of events related to a volunteer activity. My point isn't to say that there is anything wrong with the choice you've made, but if you do want to go back to work you can make it work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not really understanding the problem here.

You describe yourself as bored, drifting, lacking purpose.

Get a full time job and hire more childcare.

Boom, done. Problem solved.

You don’t need a full time job to find fulfillment or purpose. There are no paying, meaningful volunteer opportunities that wouldn’t conflict with your childcare arrangement, wouldn’t require you to go through the hassle and stress of hiring help and would keep you busy.

not really, not intellectually fulfilling ones

Boring shit jobs that no one else wants to do, sure. Those are plentiful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it's pretty clear from your posts that you don't want to work. You are making excuses for why it won't work, but there are really straightforward solutions to all of them. It's totally fine if you don't want to, but don't pretend it's not realistic to work. That $70k/year full time job would more than pay for before/after care + summer camps, and you could do snow day camps and take sick days when your kid is sick (less and less as they age).

That said, if you are happy with the way things are, I wouldn't go back to work full time. There is value in being able to get household stuff done during the week so weekends are family time. There is a mental relief to not having to scramble to find care on snow days. It sounds like what you have is working for your family.

This.

Yep. Nobody care if you don’t work OP. But there isn’t some unicorn flexible high paying fulfilling part time job out there. Everything is a trade off.

Of course they exist but not for the likes of OP who gave up working long ago. Her resume isn't up to snuff. You have to put in your dues for a long time for the super flex, high paid, unicorn jobs.

But they do exist. I have one and so does my husband. (I make ~ 250k, he makes 850k).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband sounds like quite the pampered prince, OP. Never troubled by the realities of having kids (although I’m sure the family photo is a nice accessory on his desk), everyone else runs their lives around getting the five weeks of vacation he “needs” to relax from his job.

Seriously! What kind of example of this for his kids? Yikes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I forgot to mention that besides the 5 hour per week job, I also volunteer a ton at school and also at church. At school i'm the room mother for both of my kids' classes, and I also volunteer once a week at school for both kids. At church I'm a committee leader so I volunteer in that capacity. However all my volunteering is maybe 5 hours a month total so not a whole lot.

Since my husband can't leave work for school events, i feel that i need to stick with working part-time so i can be there for my kids school and extra-curricular events--school parties, birthday celebrations at school, events where parents can come in, I chaperone field trips, etc. My husband never has the opportunity to do any of these things.

However, I'm pretty bored at home and feel unfulfilled. Most of my day is filled with the drudgery of housework and chores.

Are you a troll drumming up the SAH vs WOH debate? OP, who are you without work? Everyone should know this. What are your interests, talents, hobbies? I mean, you don't need to sit behind a desk to be fulfilled. In fact, quite the opposite. You should be a rich and interesting person with ideas and dreams beyond your 9 to 5 unless you somehow do something you are *incredibly* passionate about.

Not Op. I’m a SAHM who also works 5 hours per week, room parents for my kids, active in PTA, work out, etc.

OP, you don’t mention a housekeeper. We have a large house and I have a housekeeper and do very few chores around the house. My youngest only goes to preschool 2x per week though so I still keep occupied with the little one.

I will be you in 2 years when my youngest starts kindergarten. I struggle with going back to work. Just the past 2 months, we went on 2 vacations, all the kids and I took turns being sick, I planned holiday parties for kids classes, hosted friends and family. I could not have done all that if I was working.

I couldn’t host play dates on snow days and teacher work days.

I would consider the $15 job though if I thought it was interesting work. We pay our nanny $25 per hour so it seems silly but I would consider it in the future. I’m Ivy League educated and have multiple degrees. I know I can offer a lot. I just don’t want to work full time and we don’t need my income.

You can’t be sick or plan holiday parties or volunteer or host family while you’re working? That’s news to all of us who do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I forgot to mention that besides the 5 hour per week job, I also volunteer a ton at school and also at church. At school i'm the room mother for both of my kids' classes, and I also volunteer once a week at school for both kids. At church I'm a committee leader so I volunteer in that capacity. However all my volunteering is maybe 5 hours a month total so not a whole lot.

Since my husband can't leave work for school events, i feel that i need to stick with working part-time so i can be there for my kids school and extra-curricular events--school parties, birthday celebrations at school, events where parents can come in, I chaperone field trips, etc. My husband never has the opportunity to do any of these things.

However, I'm pretty bored at home and feel unfulfilled. Most of my day is filled with the drudgery of housework and chores.

So hire a maid and a house manager (or one person who does both). It sounds like you can afford it. Then pick a hobby, like train for a marathon, or find a new way to volunteer, or something. It's really not a hard problem to have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Not Op. I’m a SAHM who also works 5 hours per week, room parents for my kids, active in PTA, work out, etc.

OP, you don’t mention a housekeeper. We have a large house and I have a housekeeper and do very few chores around the house. My youngest only goes to preschool 2x per week though so I still keep occupied with the little one.

I will be you in 2 years when my youngest starts kindergarten. I struggle with going back to work. Just the past 2 months, we went on 2 vacations, all the kids and I took turns being sick, I planned holiday parties for kids classes, hosted friends and family. I could not have done all that if I was working.

I couldn’t host play dates on snow days and teacher work days.

I would consider the $15 job though if I thought it was interesting work. We pay our nanny $25 per hour so it seems silly but I would consider it in the future. I’m Ivy League educated and have multiple degrees. I know I can offer a lot. I just don’t want to work full time and we don’t need my income.

I work FT, and the only thing on that list I haven't done in the past two months is plan a class party. But I have planned and run a couple of events related to a volunteer activity. My point isn't to say that there is anything wrong with the choice you've made, but if you do want to go back to work you can make it work.

I also work full time and have done all the things on that list except I have 3 kids that were all sick (only class parent for two of them but have helped plan class parties, helped with teacher gifts, etc). One of our vacations was to visit my sister and her husband, who both work full-time demanding jobs and somehow managed to host us (is that really a jewel that "busybusybusy" people put in their martyr crowns now- hosting guests?). None of that stuff really takes up all that much time. It is fine if you don't want to work OP but none of these are excuses for not working- working parents do them all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband sounds like quite the pampered prince, OP. Never troubled by the realities of having kids (although I’m sure the family photo is a nice accessory on his desk), everyone else runs their lives around getting the five weeks of vacation he “needs” to relax from his job.

Not OP, but have a very similar situation. It's not about being a pampered prince, it's about making concessions for the main bread winner to do their job. My husband works 6 days a week. It is far more important for him to be able to work until 7pm at night then telling his clients who urgently need him that he can't help them because my daughter needs to go to ballet class or swim lesson. We have a great life but I shoulder the responsibilities for our DD, the house, errands, groceries, etc... I work 12 hours a week and I do need flexibility.

Advice to OP, keep the 5 hour a week gig. Find something else that you want to do. I want to start a non profit that donates gently used children's books to underserved communities. Find something with people, pets, environment, etc... that feeds your soul. If you chose to do something, you can choose when, where, etc...

Far more important to whom? I doubt this is what your daughter would say. Both of my parents worked full time and my husband and I both do as well. But I knew and my kids know that they are more important than our jobs, despite the fact that we both have pretty high-powered careers and earn a lot of money and have clients facing billion dollar issues. This is just sad, PP. I hope you can see that.

I am the PP. My daughter is well loved and cared for by BOTH of us. Family is first but who is or who isn’t driving her to tap or swim class doesn’t define her self esteem or how much one parent does or doesn’t love her. Nice try!

OK, whatever makes you feel better. You kid DOES notice who is driving her to tap or swim class. But keep telling yourself she doesn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband sounds like quite the pampered prince, OP. Never troubled by the realities of having kids (although I’m sure the family photo is a nice accessory on his desk), everyone else runs their lives around getting the five weeks of vacation he “needs” to relax from his job.

Not OP, but have a very similar situation. It's not about being a pampered prince, it's about making concessions for the main bread winner to do their job. My husband works 6 days a week. It is far more important for him to be able to work until 7pm at night then telling his clients who urgently need him that he can't help them because my daughter needs to go to ballet class or swim lesson. We have a great life but I shoulder the responsibilities for our DD, the house, errands, groceries, etc... I work 12 hours a week and I do need flexibility.

Advice to OP, keep the 5 hour a week gig. Find something else that you want to do. I want to start a non profit that donates gently used children's books to underserved communities. Find something with people, pets, environment, etc... that feeds your soul. If you chose to do something, you can choose when, where, etc...

Far more important to whom? I doubt this is what your daughter would say. Both of my parents worked full time and my husband and I both do as well. But I knew and my kids know that they are more important than our jobs, despite the fact that we both have pretty high-powered careers and earn a lot of money and have clients facing billion dollar issues. This is just sad, PP. I hope you can see that.

I am the PP. My daughter is well loved and cared for by BOTH of us. Family is first but who is or who isn’t driving her to tap or swim class doesn’t define her self esteem or how much one parent does or doesn’t love her. Nice try!

I guarantee if you asked her if she would like it if her dad would occasionally take her to practices rather than prioritizing work over all else she would say yes. And how do you know her self esteem doesn't take a hit from seeing her dad always out clients first?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I forgot to mention that besides the 5 hour per week job, I also volunteer a ton at school and also at church. At school i'm the room mother for both of my kids' classes, and I also volunteer once a week at school for both kids. At church I'm a committee leader so I volunteer in that capacity. However all my volunteering is maybe 5 hours a month total so not a whole lot.

Since my husband can't leave work for school events, i feel that i need to stick with working part-time so i can be there for my kids school and extra-curricular events--school parties, birthday celebrations at school, events where parents can come in, I chaperone field trips, etc. My husband never has the opportunity to do any of these things.

However, I'm pretty bored at home and feel unfulfilled. Most of my day is filled with the drudgery of housework and chores.

Are you a troll drumming up the SAH vs WOH debate? OP, who are you without work? Everyone should know this. What are your interests, talents, hobbies? I mean, you don't need to sit behind a desk to be fulfilled. In fact, quite the opposite. You should be a rich and interesting person with ideas and dreams beyond your 9 to 5 unless you somehow do something you are *incredibly* passionate about.

Not Op. I’m a SAHM who also works 5 hours per week, room parents for my kids, active in PTA, work out, etc.

OP, you don’t mention a housekeeper. We have a large house and I have a housekeeper and do very few chores around the house. My youngest only goes to preschool 2x per week though so I still keep occupied with the little one.

I will be you in 2 years when my youngest starts kindergarten. I struggle with going back to work. Just the past 2 months, we went on 2 vacations, all the kids and I took turns being sick, I planned holiday parties for kids classes, hosted friends and family. I could not have done all that if I was working.

I couldn’t host play dates on snow days and teacher work days.

I would consider the $15 job though if I thought it was interesting work. We pay our nanny $25 per hour so it seems silly but I would consider it in the future. I’m Ivy League educated and have multiple degrees. I know I can offer a lot. I just don’t want to work full time and we don’t need my income.

A lot of women do that while working all the time.