I know they’re wrong, so why do I feed bad?
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
My mother disowned her family for reasons unknown when I was in second grade. I do know there was childhood abuse, but I have no idea what happened that particular year. My parents will be at our home on Christmas Day for dinner and celebration. I can’t wait! |
Anonymous
I think you need to realize that, in the vast majority of cases, the parents have greatly contributed to these problems- and often refuse to work to help fix the relationship. I know that with my DH, his strained relationship with his parents could be fixed ANY time, even after having a poor relationship for his entire adult life. How? A genuine apology and agreeing to stop openly criticizing him and saying such awful things. Any time. The issue is they genuinely don’t see that they have done anything wrong or have anything to apologize for or anything they should change- it is DHs fault for being offended. There is not anything to be done in this circumstance beyond what DH is already doing- keeping them well at arms length with only polite low contact. He’s tried the rest. It doesn’t work. You really can’t understand that? I’m honestly asking. What would you have “adult children” like this do? The parent is basically saying “I will treat you how I like, won’t stop berating you, and will never change/ I don’t care if you feel hurt” . How often is he supposed to subject himself to that? |
Anonymous
What a great post. Just had to cut off contact because of abuse. I was abused for years (some sexual) and some of the emotional abuse and gross lack of boundaries started to enter my nuclear family. Your parents made the right decision to protect you. Believe me, it’s a hard one to make. Especially with judge mental posters like the one you responded to passing judgement. |
Anonymous
| Lol. Typing fast. Please excuse the repetitive last sentence. |
Anonymous
I know how DARE they have healthy boundaries and not subject themselves to being belittled and criticized. They are just being too sensitive, amirite?? PS I'm being sarcastic |
Anonymous
I know how DARE they have healthy boundaries and not subject themselves to being belittled and criticized. They are just being too sensitive, amirite?? PS I'm being sarcastic |
Anonymous
Same here, except my mother's father and both of my parents were very explicit and detailed with why amd how. It isn't appropriate in every situation but I learned so much about reasonable expectations, boundaries, etc, that I would be proud if my kids also learned to maintain healthy relationships with boundaries. It was a great learning experience. |